You should only say something once right? Well think about the adults in your life. I am sure you can name a few who don’t hear things that you say the first time. Or the second. Sometimes we need to say things many times, and try to say it different ways. Well that’s the same with baby.
First, KNOW that Toddlers will get into things. Your cake batter that you left on the counter “just for a second,” your basket of nicely folded cloths on the floor, or the electrical outlet that's got those cool slots - ugh. A toddlers job is to explore the world. That is how kids learn. So realize that you may have to say "no" many, many, many, times before your toddler or kid figures it out – “oh, I am not supposed to do that.” And yes, that it natures way of learning. So just hold on, you kids will learn…..slowly.
Redirect. This is a great strategy. When babies are crawling to walking, you take what ever they pick up away and say “thank you.” Then take baby to a new toy or book, away from the unwanted area and redirect them to doing something new.
Sometimes when I hear Husband in another room falling into old bad habits, like saying no too much, or hear his frustration, I'll say "redirect." And he does, with a toy or a task, and it's another crisis averted (usually).
“Break the Cycle” A comment on Hitting. There is a difference between discipline and “hitting.” Many of us were spanked or hit as kids and we think its OK to hit our kids now. Well. I disagree. In order to make progress we need to change the way things are done sometimes. When you hit a child you do get an immediate response, they stop what ever they were doing “wrong.” But the long term damage, yes damage, is terrible. Kids have low self esteem, are more violent themselves, and don’t learn coping skills. Yes it is tiring to explain all the time, or redirect 10 times or say "no" many, many, many times. But parenting takes time.
So, the next time you are disciplining your child, try to redirect. And keep trying alternative ways to discipline. Remember, just like it takes many, many, many times to change babies behavior. It takes time to change your behavior too! A psychology professor told me once, “If it takes 25 years to create a habit, it will take nearly half as long to change it. “
Testing You. Babies, Kids and Toddlers are testing you. They are always trying to see how far they can push boundaries and the rules to get what they want. Anything from crying a little longer to pulling that lamp cord one more time. You PARENT, need to try to keep calm. Realize that your kids will not do these things when they are 18 years old, compared to 18 months old. And it is babies job to test you. This is how kids learn. And I know it just wears away at your nerves, but here are a few ways to cope.
Be consistent. That means no means no. You can’t say we are leaving right now,…and then let your kid go down the slide 3 more times. I think you just need to be consistent. Starting at birth when you tell baby you are going to do something, so it. And not in 5 minutes. If you say “no,” just stick to it. And yes, its hard to stick to it. They will cry but that’s when you “redirect” and offer a cookie or talk about where you are headed next. This strategy will only be necessary for 1-2 years until they learn “hey, mom said no, that’s it.”
Quick Story #1: Even when he was in the womb, kicking or moving around, I would say “Hi Peanut.” Or “It’s okay peanut, get comfy,” or just “it’s okay, and rub my belly. When he was born he was crying at birth, I said “HI Peanut, it’s okay.” And kept talking, and he stopped crying. 9 months of comforting using the SAME WORDS over and over helped calm him down. After we came home, when he would cry, I would always go to him and say “it’s okay,” in a soft voice. Even before I picked him up. Then as baby got bigger and could sleep several hours at a time, I used the same tactic If it wasn’t time for a feeding but time to still sleep at night, I had him in a bassinet next to our bed, I would just say” it’s okay baby, mommy’s here.” And most of the time he was comforted by just hearing my voice. But that’s because I did this “it’s okay” all the time.
Quick Story #2: As a toddler we said thank you everytime he would pick something up that was a no-no. Thank you for my slippers. Thank you for the dog leash. Thank you for the bread that fell on the floor. Thank you for the chunk of dog hair. Thank you for my cup I left on the coffee table. Now I have a little helper at home. Older Son loves to hear thank you for clean up time, and thank you for draining the bath water. Thank you for baby signing lu-lu (sleep time). He still picks up cups form the coffee table and reaches up to drop them in the sink. Being consistent had an effect I didn’t expect! It was really cool too!
Quick Story #3: More great advice, get outside everyday with baby. Event if its just for a few minutes. This evolved into daily trips to the park or around the block for a walk. When we did go to the park and down the slide or in the swing, I always said “1, 2, 3, go” by 18 months, my son was saying 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. He also said 2, 3, go right before he would walk down stairs, run in the yard, or go down a slide alone. Children learn through repetition…so repeat, repeat, repeat and they will learn what you say. Obviously the opposite is true. We had friends who said “Oh S***” all the time. Then there daughter said it in her 2 year old way….
Just one more slide at the park.
“Break the Cycle” A comment on Hitting. There is a difference between discipline and “hitting.” Many of us were spanked or hit as kids and we think its OK to hit our kids now. Well. I disagree. In order to make progress we need to change the way things are done sometimes. When you hit a child you do get an immediate response, they stop what ever they were doing “wrong.” But the long term damage, yes damage, is terrible. Kids have low self esteem, are more violent themselves, and don’t learn coping skills. Yes it is tiring to explain all the time, or redirect 10 times or say "no" many, many, many times. But parenting takes time.
So, the next time you are disciplining your child, try to redirect. And keep trying alternative ways to discipline. Remember, just like it takes many, many, many times to change babies behavior. It takes time to change your behavior too! A psychology professor told me once, “If it takes 25 years to create a habit, it will take nearly half as long to change it. “
Testing You. Babies, Kids and Toddlers are testing you. They are always trying to see how far they can push boundaries and the rules to get what they want. Anything from crying a little longer to pulling that lamp cord one more time. You PARENT, need to try to keep calm. Realize that your kids will not do these things when they are 18 years old, compared to 18 months old. And it is babies job to test you. This is how kids learn. And I know it just wears away at your nerves, but here are a few ways to cope.
Be consistent. That means no means no. You can’t say we are leaving right now,…and then let your kid go down the slide 3 more times. I think you just need to be consistent. Starting at birth when you tell baby you are going to do something, so it. And not in 5 minutes. If you say “no,” just stick to it. And yes, its hard to stick to it. They will cry but that’s when you “redirect” and offer a cookie or talk about where you are headed next. This strategy will only be necessary for 1-2 years until they learn “hey, mom said no, that’s it.”
Quick Story #1: Even when he was in the womb, kicking or moving around, I would say “Hi Peanut.” Or “It’s okay peanut, get comfy,” or just “it’s okay, and rub my belly. When he was born he was crying at birth, I said “HI Peanut, it’s okay.” And kept talking, and he stopped crying. 9 months of comforting using the SAME WORDS over and over helped calm him down. After we came home, when he would cry, I would always go to him and say “it’s okay,” in a soft voice. Even before I picked him up. Then as baby got bigger and could sleep several hours at a time, I used the same tactic If it wasn’t time for a feeding but time to still sleep at night, I had him in a bassinet next to our bed, I would just say” it’s okay baby, mommy’s here.” And most of the time he was comforted by just hearing my voice. But that’s because I did this “it’s okay” all the time.
Quick Story #2: As a toddler we said thank you everytime he would pick something up that was a no-no. Thank you for my slippers. Thank you for the dog leash. Thank you for the bread that fell on the floor. Thank you for the chunk of dog hair. Thank you for my cup I left on the coffee table. Now I have a little helper at home. Older Son loves to hear thank you for clean up time, and thank you for draining the bath water. Thank you for baby signing lu-lu (sleep time). He still picks up cups form the coffee table and reaches up to drop them in the sink. Being consistent had an effect I didn’t expect! It was really cool too!
Quick Story #3: More great advice, get outside everyday with baby. Event if its just for a few minutes. This evolved into daily trips to the park or around the block for a walk. When we did go to the park and down the slide or in the swing, I always said “1, 2, 3, go” by 18 months, my son was saying 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. He also said 2, 3, go right before he would walk down stairs, run in the yard, or go down a slide alone. Children learn through repetition…so repeat, repeat, repeat and they will learn what you say. Obviously the opposite is true. We had friends who said “Oh S***” all the time. Then there daughter said it in her 2 year old way….
Just one more slide at the park.
The days are long, the years are short.
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