Why we Eat Cereal for Dessert, and NOT for Breakfast (Making a Better Choice)

The demands of the world dictate that cereal must be consumed by children. How could I be so cruel and keep such a treat away from them? Those circular colorful treats, that taste sweet, and even change the color of the milk... We like them as a topping on yogurt or as a dry snack. I know, are you reading the right blog? YES! I am the same mostly healthy mom trying to accommodate my children/s demands and their healthy needs. Can you imagine such a conversation at home "Hey Kids, We aren't ever eating cereal again for breakfast?" Oh the Drama. . . But When I DID SAY "What do you guys think of moving Cereal to Dessert Time?" was a success.

I recently picked up a thrift store copy of the book "Eat This Not That, Supermarket survival guide." I saw this book authors presentation on some talk show years ago... it was informative, extremely. We put in so many unknown ingredients into our bodies when we eat packaged foods. I can't even pronounce some of the ingredients!
 

So when I came across the book I purchased it. Just initially thumbing thru I saw the few packaged items I do purchase listed and they're great alternative ideas. As well as some great sauces and condiments that are referenced (which I have totally forgotten about as a nice way to dress up meals and for sides). These said sauces and condiments are a nice way to substitute flavor as you remove unnecessary calories to help in weight loss/maintenance.

I recently lost over 25 pounds last year, and not intentionally which is the ironic part. It was totally accidental loss... I swapped white sugar for agave nectar in my coffee, I added more fruits to my day as a snack, I stopped buying kid selected desserts and went back to old habits of only High Quality Desserts. I Made a lot of other changes in our home before this 25 pound weight loss and you can read about them here.

As we all should know weight gain, and excess weight gain especially, comes from
1. Eating Larger portions (calories) then our bodies and activity levels need, and
2. Eating excess amounts of sugar, often unknown quantities to us!

(*As an Aside: I read an awesome article in National Geographic magazine on the history of sugar and how we have arrived at our current American sugar intake levels. The results were SHOCKING as consumers average 22 teaspoons of added sugar per day!  I personally lost over 25 pounds this last year and I credit my number 1 reason for successfully loosing the weight and keeping it off is switching from white sugar to agave nectar. I'll have to write a separate post about this amazing life changing step that I took. And NO I didn't completely cut out sugar/y sweets because I want to enjoy the finer things in life....see the post.)

In "Eat This, Not That" the authors cover many packaged products, including cereals. The little thought bubble inserts are loaded with helpful information on MAKING A BETTER CHOICE. The book lists brands of popular cereal, and their top nasty ingredients and grams of sugar per serving. On the opposing page they list alternative brands and better choice ideas in the cereal category including healthier or better ingredients and lower sugar quantities. However the best information on this page was our life changing decision... "Treat Cereal as Dessert."



Our visit to Wagner Farm, where a cow took great interest in us. We always ask the kids "Where did our food that we are eating come from?" If they can't tell me it is usually a quick way of identifying "highly processed" foods, like cereal.

Cereal has just as much sugar as Desserts do. Do you serve ice cream for breakfast, eclairs, chocolate cake perhaps (and I am sorry to say toaster strudels, donuts and the like fall into the dessert category). Well for us, NO WE do NOT serve dessert for breakfast, so why should I serve cereal with the same amounts of sugar in it?

I bookmarked this page, and after dinner shared it with the family at the dinner table. I read from the book to the kids. Even my 5 year old son understood what it meant to eat one bowl of cereal or 3 candy bars... he responded "mommy, my tummy would hurt!"

Good Bye Cereal
Cereal is a great marketing campaign, similar to Orange Juice, making it a "Must Have Staple" in the American diet. Granted serving cereal is Easy and fast, and that has helped maintain the popularity. But serving sliced apples and peanut butter (which I have served for breakfast) is full of healthy natural sugars, and is in NO COMPARISON to cereal so much healthier for the breakfast eater. My kids feel full longer eating real foods - and not cereal. They don't have that pre-lunch crash after eating a sugary breakfast either.

Once last thing. My kids were all over this "Cool" idea of "eating cereal for breakfast" when we first agreed to it. And for the first 2 weeks (only) they requested cereal for dessert. Then the idea sort of lost it's appeal, I don't know why? It could be because when I do serve dessert at home 2-3 times per week, it is good quality dessert. We don't serve too many refined sugar treats. Instead we use/purchase desserts made with fine quality ingredients: real creams (not cool whip), butters (not margarines), and high quality sugars. The taste of the desserts are amazing, and sometimes very simple.

Desserts We buy:
- Lindor or E. Wendel High Qulity Chocolate Bars, and each person gets 2-3 squares for dessert. Our local fruit store carries these brands, but Godiva, and even Hersey's are "better" qulity chocolates.
- Assortments of nuts or shelled Pistachios. These always go fast.
- Desserts from international bakeries and friends travels like Truffles from France and Baklava from the Middle Eastern Grocer on my monthly visit.
- Angel Wings, or Chrusciki,  from our local bakery. A light butter treat thats great with coffee or tea.
- Good quality ice cream, gelatos and Italian ice.
- Cakes from our local bakery (not Jewel or chain store bakeries). Including Apple Pie, Fruit Pies, Small Tortes made with fresh ingredients.

THE NO COST DIFFERENCE OF QUALITY DESSERT

We have a small local bakery and a nearby international grocer that bakes there own bread and desserts daily. The ingredients are high quality and sometimes pricier then some items that sit on shelves for a few days. But in the end THE COST IS THE SAME. Why?

First of all we eat less dessert, only 2-3 times a week and the servings are small. So we consume less calories less often.

Second, because we are eating small portion and less often we are basically spending the same amount of money, just the per serving price is higher, however the quality is far improved. Quality matters (said the women who lost 25 pounds!) because your body processes natural sugar differently then highly processed ingredients that maintain a products shelf life. Your also consuming less unnatural ingredients which is also better for your body and weight loss / weight maintenance.

As I said before, helping the kids make a change to Eating Cereal for Dessert is also a great way to move away from eating cereal for breakfast.

Good luck in making changes at home for healthier eating. It's not always easy, but the journey is fun.

Orignal Post April, 2014
Make Mistakes. Breathe, Reflect, and Laugh.Out.Loud.

How to Talk to Your Kids about Adults they should stay away from...

We are at our local park nearly everyday. And nearly everyday we see this weird guy in the neighborhood, walking his big black dog (who as an aside is very aggressive, barking at little kids). Why is he weird? Well I personally get a gut alarm and an uncomfortable feeling around him. He stares at the kids, and not in an admiring way. Especially staring at little girls. What can we as parents do? Unfortunately not much, but we can prepare our children for dealing with creepers around our neighborhood.

Stranger danger doesn't really exist. Most people who commit crimes against children have a pre existing relationship with them, either a family member, a friends parent or a neighbor. So it makes predicting who would harm your child even more difficult since their probably in the family circle already. Which brings us back to this guy at the park. He's in our neighborhood. My kids see him regularly, which seeing him often might make them think he's a safe adult just because we are "used to" seeing him around.  But as the Illinois Sexual Assault registry shows us, predators live everywhere, and sometimes in proximity of our neighborhood, arguably they are someone's neighbor!

I've told my boys, when he's in the park, to come and sit y me so I can tell them something. "See that man over there, don't point at him. He's the one with the black dog. Well we aren't ever allowed to go near him." 

"Why not?"

"Well you know how sometimes you get that weird feeling in your stomach when you've done something wrong, or you see someone doing something wrong? Well that's how mommy feels about him. And sometimes adults know a little bit more then kids about weird adults who might be unsafe. So lets stay away from him."

Over the last two years we have seen this man around. And I've told my boys not to make a big deal about him. Just to always observe where he is, and if he's ever getting close to you, you go play on the other side away from him. And they do pay attention. I've alerted their "inner red flag" gut system. And I'm teaching them to pay attention to that feeling.

One day we were at the local Donut Shop with my husband and the kids and he was there, sitting with two other men. They all seemed a little intoxicated. There we some pre-teen girls there, in summer shorts and T's. The 3 men were staring at them, and making comments to each other under there breaths. Husband and I were in ear shot. We we disgusted. The girls were 10-13 years old, not physically developed yet. It was horrifying. The girls left, and we left after them. 

Whenever I have an uncomfortable Feeling about someone, I always question that feeling, "am I jumping to conclusions? Maybe I'm wrong?" But since I pay close attention usually I'm right. Usually it doesn't turn out to be nothing. So moms pay attention to your inner voice, instinct, and that gut feeling we get. It's not nothing! And tell your kids!

Since the donut shop incident, I've warned my kids even firmer. They are "never allowed near him. And if he ever tries to talk to a girl when your here you must let mommy know right away." What I'd do, I don't know. Probably what I do well, I'd yell at the guy vulgarities and tell him to leave the girls alone, while telling her to get away from him.

He's gotten more forward thru the years, coming into the park play area nearer to the kids, and not just the outter perimeter of the park. That's frustrating. But we do what we can which is notice him, and stay away.

The days are long and the years are short, so enjoy every moment now. 

Easy Lunch Bag Notes: Mommy I Love my Lunch Note

When my older son started full day kindergarten in 2010 I wanted to expand "being with him" through little love notes. Little did I know how fashionable (and important) of a tradition this is. He'd come home and often say "mommy I love that my lunch note was... funny, made me feel happy, I liked seeing it." Seeing his joy after getting a little love note often brightened my day too.

Kids like (and need) the reassurance of their parents even when we are not around. When my older  son started preschool, his teacher read "The Kissing Hand" by Audrey Penn on their first day with the moms and dads in class. I cried as the mama raccoon kissed baby raccoon's hand and "Locked it up." And so started our tradition. Everyday at drop off I'd kiss the palm of his hand and "we'd lock up the kiss" incase he needed it later. "If you miss mama, you can always put the kiss on your cheek and it'll be like I'm right there with you."

This book reinforces the fact that our children need us, or the thought of us even when we are not with them in person. Recently I'd seen on Pinterest some website advertising a for premade lunch notes. Go for it! Some mamas just can't fathom where to start right?

We often have projects and kitchen table conversations at our home and these feed my little notes habit. Below I'm including some of the "notes series" (little did I know they became a themed series until I started taking pictures) - I keep these in a bowl, handy to grab and throw in with the days grub.

Our Lunch Notes Bowl - quick access to notes from one top of the microwave areyousureaboutthatblog

My sons pointed out thru this year his favorite notes. And sometimes I think it's not my best work, and he'll say it's his favorite yet!? Kids love the notes not because of what they have written or drawn on them, they love um cause there from mom!

You can see what we love at home is echoed in these easy peesy notes:

Some are simple post it's written the morning of the lunch packing, others were sketched and cut out while we watched movies. Then just glued onto construction paper and cut out so they have a little trim.

Most recently we added PSY who sings Gangnym Style

Psy Gangnym Style Lunch Note Sketch - areyousureaboutthatblog

Music / Song themed
We appreciate music in our home. We are always dancing and singing in the kitchen. My son LOVES the Black Eyed Peas - he thinks in Black Eyed Peas Pump It their saying "Monkey Power" (please dont ask because I have no idea?) but there saying "Louder," Theres Survivors "The Eye of the Tiger" (just because they say the word Tiger) "Who let the dogs out," by Baha Men "Shimmy Shimmy Coco Bop," by Little Anthony and "We are the ones under your bed...lyric" "This is Halloween" from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Actually my kids hadn't seen the movie, they only heard the halloween song from one of their playlists I made.

Music Lunch Notes from areyousureaboutthatblog

Favorite Cartoon and Characters
"Mom my friends say your a good drawer" motivated me to make a few new drawings for his bag.

Mom Sketches become Lunch Notes that we treasure - areyousureaboutthatblog

Just things we love including Karate, Pirates, Avatar Nations - these are doodles inspired by images from the web.

Travel
"One day til our hotel getaway" "Grandmas House for the Weekend"

About A Boy
Everyone needs motivation, so ours include: Good luck on your test today, I really like that your trying hard to help out, Take Your Time (because he always rushes thru his work which ends up sloppy), You are my Super Star (created after a particularly hard day), and my favorite "Work Hard, Leave Tracks" (on a drawing of a car I doodled all thru high school.

Little Motivational Lunch Notes - areyousureaboutthatblog

Of Course I love You Notes - areyousureaboutthatblog

Silly Jokes and Sayings

It seems almost everyday my sons comes home with a new joke. So I looked up a few of my own and quickly jot them on a post it. "What do you call a pig who knows Karate? A Pork Chop" and Motivational support "I love you" and "Have a great day - from Dad"

These notes are used in rotation and in no particular order. Which one gets picked all depends on what's going on in our lives. An even though there reusable my son looks forward to his lunch notes.

Lunch Notes Safe and Dry

As for the lunch bag I made a note slot by hot glueing (with caution) a piece of thick clear plastic to the inside of the lunch bags. This way the note stays reusable, dry, and easy to read without being handled by lunch eating hands.

Simple not sexy, A little hot glue and a homemade Lunch Note Slot - areyousureaboutthatblog

So, eventhough in December of his Kindergarten year my son said one morning as I went to kiss his hand, "mama I don't need a kiss anymore." Crush went my heart - I cried in the car. But my notes are still dearly enjoyed, for now.

It's made a wonderful difference in our house an I hope you try some of your own lunch notes too.

The days are long, but hte years are short. - Enjoy childhood with them as best you can...

My Son Lost his Toy and I AM NOT Buying Him a New One

Since my eldest was a toddler I taught NOT to take toys in when we went shopping, to a museum, library or any activity. Because the instant kids go into their destination they drop their toy "like its hot" and head to the first thing that catches their eye. Buh-bye toy.

It's not my job to pick up and carry that thing around. I've gotta diaper bag and two other kids I'm schlepping around and that's plenty enough for me.

So, for the most part we rarely, ever, loose a toy. My son nor I can remember it happening, until a recent visit to the library. We went to dinner after school and he took in his new red apple shaped plush "fruit ninja." He cashed in his big 1,000 ticket jackpot win at a birthday party gamę Palace for the Priceless "In the moment pop culture" plush. Generally I don't allow plush toys out of the house because they easily pick up germs. But I made an exception on this special "no occasion" day.

If you are reading this post, please post a comment below on what you liked - or didn't  - about this read. Does the topic interest you and you want to know more? Submit a question and I am happy to tackle it.

He remembers bringing his toy back to the car, as do I. Then we went to the library. I didn't remember him brining it in, per our "toy rules." He went in, took off his coat, and ran to find his book "diary of a wimpy kid." But that night after we returned home he remembered his fruit ninja. We figured it was in the car and we'd get it in the morning. Well when we went to the car it wasn't there. "Did you check behind behind your chair ?" Yes! "Under your feet?" Two affirmatives but no toy.

I called the library. I told him not to be hopeful, I didn't think it was there. Nope, it wasn't there. And my son cried, hard, like I've never seen him cry (not counting being hurt). "I know your disappointed" I said. "It was MY FAVORITE!" (Of course I'd never heard another toy described that way - ha!.) I didn't try to minimize his feelings tho.

This was a great tragedy, like Romeo and Juliet, like The Trojan War - well in a kids perspective anyway.

And my next instinct was, "Honey you have some birthday money left to buy a new one," and then I in my head I heard the sound of screeching breaks, wait a minute. I stopped myself. This was a great mommy moment. Is that the right message? There will be many disappointments in life, and sometimes things are not replaceable (even tho the fruit ninja is). So (gulp) I let him cry. I was driving the car and I while I was slightly amused at the intensity of his feelings over this Thing, I still melt because my baby was hurting inside. So I just said "I wish I could give you a big hug right now." He said "I wish you could too."

I didn't blame him for the loss of his toy either. His feelings of sadness were lesson enough of loosing track of his toy. I didn't say, like I instinctively felt to say "see what happens when you take your toys out of the house." But for us luckily that doesn't happen, this was a first in 7 years.

My older sons occasional hiding fort, when he needs alone time.

The crying stopped. I also did my mom job, I called the restaurant and the library. Nothing. And so we drove in silence, ... But then I remembered (this is my son were talking about here). During clean up time he steps right over a toy and says he's done! Blind as a man!! Hey "did you check under your feet?" "Yes, I did" as he's looking, again... And up comes the ninja. He didn't cheer, or get excited. He hugged his ninja. And it was over.

He knew he lost track of it. He felt the consequential loss. That was lesson enough, as brief as that 15 minutes we were in the car.


Make mistakes, breathe, reflect and Laugh.Out.Loud.

Our Homework Contract

At the beginning of the school year my son was still learning the daily homework routine. He'd get frustrated always feeling that I was "adding to his homework assignments" when in fact it was already part of an unlearned routine. So I told him we will make a deal - "a contract."

Mommy what's that? I loved being able to explain that it's an agreement people make, they usually write it down and then sign their names, as a sort of promise to follow the rules listed on the paper.

So I came up with a few suggestions and so did he..Mine were the work only can be turned in if he wrote the "most beautiful letters" on the page. And we would have to correct wrong answers on tests, "so we can learn the correct answer." He wanted to have a piece of candy after every worksheet was completed.

Then we reviewed our ideas and circled the ones we both agreed on. Here's our final: Homework Contract

1. Review our assignment book and complete worksheets to packets from school. (Sometimes we divide the number of pages from a weekly packet into manageable portions and do a little each day before Fridays due date.)

2. Review our spelling words and play spelling city. (Kids learn quickly and easily by playing games, and this is screen time worth having!)

3. Math - practice daily with a school sheet or moms sheet. (I printed our a stack of math worksheets from various websites as practice. My son can use any strategies to complete the work like counting on his fingers or his number line.)

4. Study for tests (usually we have a study guide from school).

5. Copy work (I learned that the 2nd grade students don't do a lot of writing during the day, so I added a Homeschool idea of writing copy work daily. I printed out poems, quotes, kids song lyrics, etc via this web site so my son can "copy" the letters and learn proper letter formation. It helps with spelling too. I am happy to report after 7 months we've seen great improvement in his penmanship. I just won't accept that boys don't write nicely, beautiful penmanship takes time and practice!)

You need to ask for help whenever you need it. Mom will help you and show you how to do the work, give examples, but Mom will NOT do the work for you.

X________________sons signed his name

X________________ Mom signed

My young son drives me nuts, or is it just me?

I need to simply change my expectations because I expect too much of my kids. Ya, it is my own fault that I can yell at times, and get so frustrated, over what exactly? Noise, a mess, playing rough?

My older son talks clearly, with a great vocabulary, but you know what... he doesn't comprehend concepts yet (money, time, competition and teasing). And he emotionally doesnt understand alot - like that blank stare when I yell. My kids freeze in fear - they were just having fun... why is mom yelling?

I read an interesting article about gifted kids - those who can complete complex math problems in high school, or master playing beethoven by age 8. The brain develops the "skills" but does not develop the emotional brdiges for long term success. Can you imagine the pressure on an 8 year old to perform infront of a large crowd because he is the best? Even if he loves playing, the one thing he isn't doing is being a kid. And as kids play, and face "kids play" challenges, they develop - slowly - the emotions they need to deal with things as an adult. Their "emotional tool box" which will follow them thru life.

So I reflected on this article for my own good...

Stay calm cause really no ones dying - I literally take a deep breath when I feel I am getting angry.

Ironically I did a good job teaching my 3 year old to say "I am getting angry" so we can know to respect his space. I am relearning 30+ years of bad habits - - so I need to take deep breaths!

My own mom used to say: "what's your problem?" I realize that she too didn't know how to put into nicer words: "Honey, I love you,... I know your having a hard time understanding how you feel,... let's talk about it." I realized I don't want to bring up my kids, repeating the cycle, and them bearing the same trauma as me.

Do Not Hit

We have a don't hit policy at home, that incudes grabbing ears, hair, etc. I think the need to get physical arises because my emotions where not allowed, and I was shut down whenever I wanted to speak.... so through the years that built up as anger - 0 to 10 instant anger. My mom would yell and rant through the house and if I spoke up she'd tell me to shut up and listen. I would sit in my room FUMING MAD, mumbling the worst things under my breath.  I never understood where my own anger came from until very recently.And then the final straw - I watched an episode of the super nanny, which usually makes me feel so much better as a mom, where Joan sat a dad down at kid level and yelled at him. The dad could see what a big bully he looked like to his kids. I couldnt swallow the lump in my throat for days.

My husbands mother would pull his ears! How horrible. So when hubby started doing that to our little 3 year old first son, and after I asked constantly for him to stop - guess what? I decided one day when I was within his reach, right after he pulled my son's ear, I pulled my husbands ear - HARD! Needless to say - luckily - it never happened again. Unfortunatly with habits like this, yelling and ear pulling, I think we need to take our own medicine so we know how it feels. Now my husband also takes a deep breath!

I literally take a deep breath when I feel this angry. Then I ask myself, "Is this situation so bad that I will be mad about it in 5 years?" Usually the answer is no.

The good news is... my anger is in check. I stay significantly more calm. My oldest son asks me openly "mom, why do you look frustrated?" And I am honest about what is bothering me... but I am cautious NOT to blame him. I do say things like:

"You didn't put your shoes away, and your brother is screaming, and the baby is hungry... it's alot for mom to deal with right now, but in 10 minutes i'll be okay"


As long as we continue to grow, improve, and be better parents for ourselves and for who our kids are right now this plan can work. Its so simple. And for me, for us, we are okay.

Where the Wild Things Are? They are at My House!

Blog My Young Son is Wild, and I am At My Wits End... Some boys just can't sit still. Some boys have trouble learning in school. Some boys are constantly misbehaving.  My sons are more like Max, from "Where the Wild Things Are." He has alot of energy and loves to play, and sometimes my boys  are wild.

Does that sound like your son? Now in some cases these misbehaviors is reason for legitimate concern. But before extreme circumstances are implemented, I challenge every mom and caregiver to implement one simple strategy to see if you can help curb the childs negative behaviour and encourage the positive behaviors: use outside time!

1. Boys need to release their energy.

Studies have shown that boys actually are able to focus when they have spent their energy first. I know from extensive personal experience that boys also behave better when they have spent their energy too.  I hate to say it, but we are mammals and just like you need to run your dog every day we need to let our kids run too. Dogs who are in training or already trained won't tear up the house if they have been walked/run because they have exhausted their energy. They're simply too tired to cause any damage in the house. The same theory applies to boys. Really this concept applies to girls as well, but especially boys. My boys get plenty of outside time everyday, usually 1-2 hours throughout the day, even in the winter. It is because we give them ample time to "get their energy out" that we rarely have problems of misbehavior or "wild reactions" in the house.

2. Cut tube time!!

Think about your day, is your son Getting a lot of tube time, more then 1 hour of TV, videos or computer? Is he spending an equal amount of time outside or at least an hour outside everyday? If not then consider when IS he getting his energy out? Boys bodies build up their internal energy throughout the day and need to empty their "energy tank." it is only when the tank is empty that a boy can focus on the task at hand. That means school, the doctors office visit or a civilized trip to grandmas house. See our family schedule which includes limited tube time and plenty of outdoor time resulting in a mostly peaceful household. We even do this before school to help have a productive day of learning.

Take for example our trip to the doctors office for joint appointments (or just tagging along) with 2 boys under age 5. A potential nightmare in some cases. Especially when getting shots. So as often as I can we try to either go to the park before the visit, or arrive at least 20 minutes before our appointment. We park and take a brisk walk around the block while playing our neighborhood games like "Who can run the fastest to that tree?"... Or "Ill race you to the red brick house"..."Who can be the frost to pick up 4 sticks?" I make it a point to include running in the games we play. This way the boys are pooped out tired when they get into the doctors office. They'll generally sit in the chair reading one of our take along books or playing with their toy animals while the other boy is being examined. There's still an occasional reminder of "proper behavior" but for the most part it is a pleasant visit.

Parenting Boys to Become Confident Men

When you spend time with your son, he feels strong and he feels like he can face the world. But ironically too many of our boys grow up to be men who never feel the sensation "that he can face the world." So why the disconnect?

Parenting Boys to Become Confident Men

I have often been approached through the years by other moms who witnessed my sons fall on the playground or go through a very-likely-melt-down-situation and the boys handled it with ease. Because there's a secret to teaching boys how to stay calm and think during a crisis. There's those moments we have all experienced that are a boy type crisis-that-is-small-to-you-big-to-the-child, like a scraped knee, a fall from their bicycle, or even the dreaded "he took my toy away." As your son cries from frustration, he's actually looking to you for coping skills - "how do I deal with situation mom or dad."

It is pretty simple actually to help boys learn how to cope, or deal with their feelings. But we just don't realize that our "instinct reactions" with boys actually cause us to deny their emotions and and cause them to lack confidence. Its those times that parents and caregivers say "stop crying," or "you're okay." We regularly DENY our sons feelings, and not intentionally. It is simply how we have learned to deal with boys from one generation to the next. Parents may find themselves in this scenario.


If you are reading this post, please post a comment below on what you liked - or didn't  - about this read. Does the topic interest you and you want to know more? Submit a question and I am happy to tackle it.

Typical Scenario when a boy gets hurt:
A son, age 5 or so, falls and scrapes his knee, and tears start to fall: the frequent parents reply is something like this:

Parent: "Oh honey, you'll be fine." "It's just a scratch." (maybe he'll get a "let me see the scratch.")
And then "go play, you'll be fine," with my personal favorite "be a man."

This is one example, but you can see the point that parents sometimes initially react as if nothing is wrong...

NEW UPDATE :: YOUTUBE CHANNEL INFO ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT BLOG

Our family has had many adventures through the years. Mom, the @Minstr0Interior had an a-ha moment . . .  Suddenly I See what we will have filled our life with, ADVENTURES! We travel, craft, sing, dance, collect insects and spend loads of time together. Sometimes too much time together. Our kids have recently begun to document their own adventures, and so this channel was born. Enjoy our adventures. Or not. WANT MORE? If there is a blog post accompanying this video we will share it here. Sometimes we will include the ingredients list of the craft or recipe, or the itinerary of our trip. In the meantime click play. 

From our family: 👍 + 🙃 + ❤️ ( Thumbs up, emoji face, hearts! )

See It Live >>> 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2mGpujQIVgxdfTImFnQuLA

What just happened here? Do you think your son isn't really hurt or upset?

In summary we have just denied our sons emotions. By telling him after his fall that he's "okay," as a parent you are not even acknowledging what he feels and that he is clearly hurt (there is a scratch on his knee, even if it's small, it probably stung for at least a moment or more). So as you replay this situation, over and over through the years, unknowingly, your pushing your son away from understanding his feelings. As we tell our sons "oh, your fine" or "be a man, suck it up," you are ACTUALLY telling them "you are not hurt," "you are not angry." Over time this evolves to our boys NOT learning how to label their feelings and instead they learn to IGNORE their feelings.

Think about when you tell your son to "stop crying." Your actually telling him "you are not feeling angry, or sad." And after not being able to label his feelings , he won't be able to cope with his feelings.

Yeah. I know you never thought of it this way, right. As for the boy, he learns "oh, what I am feeling is not real, this emotion isn't happening." He is growing up confused about his own natural emotions and is becoming a confused man. Come on ladies, think about your husbands or boyfriends who can't say 'I love you' or who can't answer your questions in a heated discussion. Yeah, this is why, cause his mom didn't acknowledge his feelings as a boy (so why would he suddenly be able to face those emotions as an adult?)

I'm not saying over indulge the situation because that's not healthy either...but here's a few basics to try: (even for older children this works.)

How to help your son through a Crisis (a fall, or tears for any reason):

1. In any situation where your son is in "crisis," give a hug!

Without saying a word you are acknowledging his feelings (he's hurt, or afraid of what just happended, and that hug says "I know your hurt.") Hugs are a simple, no cost and quick way to show your son "I'm proud of you," "I love you" (great for those dads who find these words hard to say) and the hug acknowledges what your son is feeling in that moment.

{As an aside if your son is crying and is so frustrated he won't stop crying, I tell my boys to go into another room until they are done crying. I'll let them cry for about 5 minutes, and then I'll go in to try and comfort them. EVEN if my son is crying because he did something wrong, it is our job as the parent to teach him HOW to deal with the situation and help him through it. Sometimes you may want to skip over what occured or why he was crying, but you will see in step 4, we always need to talk the situation over with our kids.}

2. Acknowledge the fall or situation: you say "I saw you fall, are you ok?"

Or you can ask where it hurts if you didn't see the fall. Accept your sons emotions - and resist ignoring what your son feels by quickly saying "your okay" as he's crying!! Yes, I know his hurt may be minor ("that kid took my toy away") and you the adult know this isn't so serious, but to a little boy that moment of crisis IS the end of the world. And its your job to help show him how to deal with it.... And DON'T tell him "you'll be fine" until step four. Right now the objective is to recognize and label your sons feelings "Son, I see your are hurt," or angry, frustrated, etc.

3. Label the emotion and Ask if he needs anything.

Believe it or not after such a simple injury they'll usually run off and play (instead of standing and screaming for extended periods). Offer to clean the wound, even a bandaid if it's handy, again the goal is acknowledging his feelings - by following these actions your saying "I know you are feeling {insert emotion} hurt/sad/angry." Or offer a sippy cup or a Popsicle, sometimes that is soothing enough. Even for a purely emotional crises, a Popsicle heals so many "wounds."

4. After he's calmed down you can talk about what happened.

And this is CRITICAL - ask him "how did this fall/situation make him feel? And if he can't label his feelings like "Im sad, or I am angry," you can help him label what he feels and say "I can see you are upset" or "I can see you are embarrassed because you fell."

Then you can explain briefly HOW to be more careful so this doesn't happen again (don't just say be more careful, that's so abstract to a little boy, even to a teenager). You can reassure him at this point that "you'll be okay." (He will feel so relieved knowing his scraped knee doesn't mean he needs to have his leg amputated.) And I said briefly, because your son will eventually run off to play, and his brain continues processing this situation. He might at some point, ask you questions about what he just "survived" (for him it was survival...).

The Aftermath

If you follow these steps you will find over time your son will simply run over for that hug, and then run off. He will be more confident even at a young age. I live this philosophy with my boys and they truly adapt well in uncomfortable, new, or scary-to-a-kid situations. Even doctors visits with vaccines are not overly traumatic. There's a quick yelp instead of screaming drama, this philosophy will
transcend your parenting nightmare situations! Really.

Hopefully later in life, your son who has been coached thru his feelings will later be able to deal with them.

If you are reading this post, please post a comment below on what you liked - or didn't  - about this read. Does the topic interest you and you want to know more? Submit a question and I am happy to tackle it.

Post Script July 30, 2012

Watching the London 2012 Olympics Men's Gymnastics, and they keep making mistakes. Surprising mistakes that high trained athletes don't make!! Then an announcer said that "emotions run high at these events, and you can feel their excitement walking up to their performances." Then after the errors they said "it must be the enormity of the situation." Those men (young teenage- 20 something's) could very possibly be unable to deal with their emotions. It's not all the men who were struggling... But those who couldn't control that excitement made the errors. Knowing what I do from my children and the countless other boys in our lives... My theory holds a strong case. Go Men's Gymnastics... Cheering hard for you.