Talking About "IT" with My Kids, Addressing Delicate SubjectsNaturallywith Kids

It's happened! My older so has asked me about how "humans" have sex?! Yes that was his phrasing, "Mom, how to humans mate?" My older son is in 4th grade this year. And for our home I know I want him hearing about the subject of sex here first, and NOT from his friends or at school. 

I realized I would have to address this issue soon, not only because of his age, but also due to the changes in core curriculum. Sex Education will be a part of the health curriculum, and while I don't think we will "opt out" I do want my son hearing about the subject at home first. This way I will have already created a bridge to talking about sex with mom.

Why did he say "Humans" and not "people?" We watch a lot of nature shows and we own a copy of the 4-DVD series Life of Mammals, so my kids know what mating is in the animal kingdom. Thus his question: "how do humans mate?" (As an aside we talk a lot at home about the animal kingdom, so the kids also understand that animals eating other animals is a part of natures life cycle, and they aren't freaked out when the "lion eats an antelope" like I was as a child.)

I am an "open book" parent. We have talked about everything and anything: animals mating, watched animals on "Life of Mammals," talked about proper use of curse words, what real friendship is, how some kids are just mean, and that simple fact that we allow nudity at home. But this question stopped me in my tracks.

I diverted the question: "how do you know humans mate?"

I avoided: "I don't know." To which my son replied: "mom, don't lie to me, you know everything."

So I told my son, finally, "mom has to get a book about adults and humans mating, because I don't want to explain anything the wrong way." He accepted that answer. It's been 6 months since then and I finally got a book, eventho my son stopped asking.

About Nudity.

We are a pretty comfortable household when it comes to nudity. I am a child of European parents, so nudity wasn't hidden from me. Just us girls would walk around nude, change clothes with the doors to our rooms remaining open, and use the bathroom with the doors open too. I grew up with a good self esteem and sense of body image, as well as a good sense of security over my body. I didn't even realize how my habits of walking around nude stood out until my adulthood.

I'm thankful that this openness to nudity was a positive impact on my life. Accordingly we have a similar lifestyle today in our home.

While Outdoors.

Nudity is welcome in the confines of our home. When we go outdoors however, in our big city, my kids are taught to cover up. I'm open minded but not impervious to the fact that their are child predators and weirdos in the world!! So we wear long shirts and undies in our yard. There's always adult supervision. And if we are at the beach, I do allow my daughter and her brothers to have their shirts off. Baby girl is 2 years old still. However, we are often at the beach when it's completely deserted, and NO it's not Oak Street Beach, we go cloth less when we can.

The Book

I picked up "what your child needs to know about sex (and when)" by Dr. Fred Kaeser from our library. It bring up subjects I have and haven't yet faced with the kids:

- mom what's boom boom (sex terms)? (One day My son asked after school...)
- mom why do animals mate?
- will I allow social media for my kids, and when?
- how will I handle my kids bathing together? And for how many years can they bathe together?
- how will we address dating? And what age is appropriate.
- and my husbands advice: you know after you explain IT to him, you can't walk around naked anymore. Because you'll become a sexual object to him. (UGH reality!)

Talking About "IT" with My Kids, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

These questions are about some Of the Parenting issues we didn't think about before kids. And things, like kids bathing together, weren't even discussed because OF COURSE our kids bathe together. And they are always supervised for "water safety" purposes. Ironically brothers and sisters touching eachother has happened, so I simply stated calm, expecting this one day since we do take joint baths, and said we don't touch other peoples private parts. And we take the additional step for our kids we label those parts, butts, breast for girls, and the parts in their undies are labeled. 

The Dr. Kaeser says in his book to perhaps not allow kids to bathe together unless their supervised. I think any children playing near water must be supervised, period. When the kids get a little older, they'll bate separately - this "bathe them together and save time" philosophy isn't for forever. My older son is already asking to bathe alone or take showers. And sometimes these things do "work themselves out" as in this case. However as parents we must take action. So when my son wants to hangs the math routine we have to agree to make a change... Without the change, nothing works itself out!

Along those lines the books advice is sheer genius! "It's" just like crossing the street. Use caution. Look both ways before moving. Be smart because the driver is not. Yes, talking to your kids about sex can be just like talking about crossing the street. This is the authors idea... And it's sheer genius!

What's Sexting?

I also really like how Dr. Kaeser writes that we need to let our kids know about what we think on the variety of sex issues in society. He gives an example of the child seeing something and the parents reply is "some adults like that, but mom and dad don't. And we don't think it's funny either."

Ironically, I read thru parts of the book at nap time with baby girl and during dinner older son had a question. Husband was watching CNN and the ticker on the screen was a story about "sexting." Older so asked: "What's Sexting?" I only read about 3 chapters and I already felt empowered to answer my sons questions.

- I was honest about the subject and defining it.
- I was honest about how we parents felt about it.
- We gave a "kid type" example. And an example of what could be a joke, but gets someone in trouble. For example taking a picture of your elbow crack to make it look like your butt is also "sexting" because the intention was a body part / sexual. (And husband added that looking at something like this in school, or being the elbow in the picture he'd be suspended at school and consequences at home also.)

It was a good conversation. And that is another important note. The Sex talk is not a one time thing. (Dr.Kaesers example is the sex talk is similar to talking about safety while crossing the street. You talk about it a lot, EVERYTIME you cross the street, you give examples of what could happen, you show kids when people blow a red light or stop sign. It's all in the preparation for their own street safety. I think this example is ideal! Because sex too has this broad variety of sub-contexts, subjects and scenarios too.) 

"The Talk" is actually a series of conversations that come up at different times and about a wide variety of subjects. After all sex is everywhere. TV shows and movies displaying intimacy durig daytime TV. Women not nearly dressed on magazine covers at the grocery store. Men who are half clothed on the covers are of course bulked up body builders, not regular in shape of skinny. And the things the kids say at school!! So much has come home from what there "classmates say." And sometimes my kids bring it up, and sometimes we parents do / will. Dr. Kaeser writes about sex-related subjects like dealing with kids friends who might have access to inappropriate content, schools role (which is, for me, to keep kids safe and educated - eventho I'm glad sex ed is coming for all grades in CPS), and making sure your kids know what their parents opinion is.

My weight has been lifted. I feel way-way-way better knowing that I already have the tools to talk to my son. And luckily I think that comes from my own childhood comfort with my body, which turned into some good self esteem. Now, I'm still going to read the chapter about specifics on human reproduction and explaining age appropriate the sex act itself, I don't want to over share. Then there is my own personal topics including the MOST important part of the sex conversation, about SELECTING a partner, making a CHOICE to have sex, versus it doesn't "just happened" because hormones are raging. The physical parts are semantics really, my kids could learn the "how to" from their friends. It's the finite details about the feelings that accompany sex, the desire for more, respecting your partner (and they MUST respect you), and being a ready "adult" with a good long time partner. 

As you can see the "stuff" surrounding sex I am comfortable talking about, it's that little semantics part that I seemed to struggle with. But not for long.

UPDATE: There have been more questions since this post, Older Sons curiosity grows and grows, you can read about it here: More Questions About "IT" and How We Keep the Conversation Going

Make Mistakes. Breathe, Reflect, and laugh.out.loud

When School and Home ideas dont match, What is a mom supposed to do? Our Parent Job and Homework

My 8-year old son brought home a 3rd grade Math Worksheet. Questions about "prediction: will happen / won't happen / maybe, but I'm not sure." We check homework before returning sheets to school.

I run my house with some rules. We have etiquette rules posted, and then we have some everyday rules. For example, school age children don't watch TV during the school week. (Ever! And our kids are ok with that.) In our house TV is only allowed on weekends. 

As for the homework sheet on Likely and unlikely events,... my son selected "Sure to happen" on "¿Will you watch TV on Saturday?" I agreed.

On "¿Will you travel to the moon?" he originally answered "surely not to happen." We've talked about it before, so I reminded him of the "Mars One 2024 project" to inhabit Mars (we've discussed this often).

When School and Home ideas don't match, What's a mom to do?, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

When School and Home ideas don't match, What's a mom to do?, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

Older Son: "but Mom, there's no oxygen on Mars."

Mom: "yes, and the space explorers will create there own atmosphere. But the plan is NOT for them to return to earth either."

He pondered that thought. "Ever?"

Mom: "Never, AND as for human-space travel, we will have an excursion air-travel service to the earth's outer limits called "Zero Gravity" for $150,000 per person by 2015 (Virgin Atlantic Airlines)."

He reconsidered his answer to "maybe, but not sure." Both those answers, disappointingly, were marked wrong by the Substitute...!

My shock and horror!  (Which I kept to myself.) If you read this blog you know we are naturalists at heart and scientist in mind. We discuss facts, make deductions and apply our learnings everyday. making links to other ideas, etc., etc., etc., so I was disappointed at the narrow sightedness here.



When he came home concerned about his low grade... I needed to give home some answer why home and school answers sometimes don't match. And in this case are very different. Sometimes we have more information at home, or our deductive reasoning applied so early in the kids young lives. The substitute teacher doesn't know about our rules. But he's young, and it's too soon to jump into the education debate for him.

So I went the easy route:

Mom: "Sometimes we will have different information at home. As long as you made a logical choice, getting something wrong is ok."

Make Mistakes. Breathe, reflect. And Laugh.Out.Loud

How to Help with Homework, School Strategies, What a Mom to Do?

The early elementary school years are about "learning how to learn." Strategies on how to read or count, because yes there is more then one way. As a new parent I didn't know what's job was when my older son started bringing school work home. I is find myself getting frustrated when he didn't complete worksheets correctly, or if he didn't understand a concept quickly or "get it." I am embarrassed because I feel I should've known better. But how? Or why would I know? No one taught me. So I am also "learning to learn how to help my kids" with their school work an what's expected.

What is Homework?

My husband and I discussed early on what our "job is as parents is" when it comes to school work. Just because he is a Principal doesn't always mean we have thought through our parenting role. Or that we agree on our roles... so we discuss, plan, reflect and readjust as needed.

Homework, in our home, in these early years means we are learning how to work hard at our school work. Mom included. Homework is not about being easy, or hard, it is about the time it takes to complete the work. About the steps involved in completing homework (sharpening your pencil, not wanting to do it when you have to, using an I-pad or book for research, etc.). Homework is "hard work" sometimes and that's okay, he is learning perseverance in times of, well... laziness.

My son brought home his reading test with a love note for his teacher. "This is not a full answer." However to my frustration she didn't review with him what a FULL ANSWER IS. So in turn, that's my job, the parents job is to reinforce ideas the child is and is not learning. And while I feel that a "complete answer" should be reviewed in class, I am happy to do it as best I can at home. Not perfect, but the best I can do.

So when we finished homework assignments that night, I had one more assignment for my son to do.

1. Read the instructions (or in this case the message from the teacher): I read to my son what the teacher had written.

2. Check for Understanding: Then I asked him did he understand what the teacher meant? "Can you tell me what a full answer is?" He said no.

3. Explain the Idea (explain what needs to be learned as best you can, simply...) I explained, again, with out being upset or frustrated because THIS IS MY PARENTING JOB what a full answer is. "A Complete or Full Answer is when you write down on the paper everything in your brain about the questions. How does the teacher know what's in your brain if your don't write it down?" We reviewed that he should write 2 - 3 sentences about the question, and suddenly he remembered learning how to write a "short answer" in class.

4. Do the work! Even though my son didn't want to, when he saw me drawing with a ruler the lines on the back of his page, "Mom, what are you doing?"
I said "I would like you to write the answer correctly."
"But mom I don't have to, we don't have to correct our test, it doesn't count."
Ha! He is still learning how "moms way" works. I said you need to "learn from his mistake. Making mistakes is important, that's how our brains learn. But we need to correct our mistakes when we can so our brain re-learns the correct way. Start Writing."

How to Help with Homework, School Strategies, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

In this photo you can see I drew three lines WITH A RULER (my son hates - or is lazy - about using his tools) so he can rewrite at home the proper answer that's "in his head." The next time he drew the lines, I cannot do this "work" for him.

The story the class read for the test was fresh in his mind. Even if we would have done this activity 1 or 2 days after the test, he would have been able to complete it. My son did have three ideas about the story he read. And he wrote three sentences (which he remembered was the maximum, "two is the minimum, mom"). If my son would not have remembered the story, I probably would've read him a short story and made up a question for him to answer. He still needed to DO the work.

5. Review The Work. We reviewed what he wrote. I asked him if he liked his new answer.

5a: Ask about their emotional state (this helps kids build confidence and make them feel good about learning and relearning from mistakes!). How did it make him feel? "Like I am smart." I said I felt "like you CAN show your teacher what is in your brain."

6. Review the old and new work. Compare them.  I read him his old answer and the new answer, and I asked him which one he liked best. He preferred the three sentences.

Learning from our mistakes IS one way to learn. As a parent I feel we just need to review school work and try to reinforce the ideas when papers come home with 100% or less. Homework is about doing the work not just about the grade.

No, my son did not have to turn in our correction - the purpose of this lesson was to learn how to do things correctly, not about the credit.


Make Mistakes. Breath, Reflect. and Laugh.Out.Loud

Traveling with Kids, Beyond Packing Backpacks. Getting Kids mentally ready for long trips is just as important. "How to Talk to Kids" About your Upcoming Vacation.

In preparing for our family vacation to attend a dear friends wedding in Jamaica, I wanted to prep our kids for what to expect.  Pinterest has oodles of pins on what to pack in your kids carry-on. But what about the emotional and mental preparation?  As an avid traveler for my WHOLE LIFE, both by road and airplane, I knew there was as much mental preparation as physical packing that's required. I wanted some discussion ideas for setting our kids travel expectations. I wanted some games and activities to help our kids prepare for the Long Distance travel. This was a new experience for my kids, and we know that talking about it helps tremendously set their expectations and too keep my sanity.

I couldn't find many resources, so here's our Beyond Backpacks, packing our emotional toolbox for vacation.

2 Adults 3 Kids = 1 checked medium luggage, 1 checked carry on luggage, 3 backpacks, 1 roller carry on, 1 purse

I was reviewing Pinterest for some quick links to mom bloggers and magazine articles on what to prepare  when traveling with kids. Our actual luggage and carry on items lists are below, eventhough this isn't what I was looking for.

We are taking our three kids with us on a fabulous Caribbean island getaway for a lifelong friends wedding. We have taken the kids dozens of times to nearby states, within a 3-4 hour drive to Wisconsin and Indiana. And once I traveled alone with my best friend on a 12-hour train ride to Minnesota with our then four kids: 4 year and 18 month old boys and girls!! However, we had yet to take them anywhere by airplane. I'm a traveler since childhood with extensive experience and stories. I've been to 45 of the 50 United States and 8 countries. My husband and I visited 4 countries and 8 states prior to having kids -- (for prosperity ...details). 

I know how to live out of a carry-on for 15 days as we did in Japan. And countless weekend getaways taught me less is much much more. Packing our clothes was not my concern (however I do include our Island Caribbean packing list below).   I was more interested in the anticipation and "mental" preparation for the kids. Of course I did come across the fab tips and tricks savvy Mom's had that I loved:

- pack gum for the flight for popping ears

- pack an entire bag of lollipops - for there and back trips for toddlers popping ears (and when you just need silence, like the wedding ceremony!)

However I didn't find anything beyond packing the kids backpack carry-on. So here's my version of preparing kids for long travel.

Traveling with Kids, Beyond Packing Backpacks. Getting Kids "mentally" ready for long trips is just as important. "How to Talk to kids" about your upcoming vacation., a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

I still packed too much!!


Traveling with Kids, Beyond Packing Backpacks. Getting Kids "mentally" ready for long trips is just as important. "How to Talk to kids" about your upcoming vacation., a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

Upon entering the airplane, my two year old baby girl was invited into the cockpit. She did NOT have to be encouraged. To my amazement she went straight to the steering wheel and wanted to push All Of The Buttons. Then the captain came and we had to scoot. And smile at the long line waiting for us to get into the cabin (oops).


Traveling with Kids, Beyond Packing Backpacks. Getting Kids "mentally" ready for long trips is just as important. "How to Talk to kids" about your upcoming vacation., a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

Timing:

By Christmas the kids knew our trip to Jamaica was in January. Yes, we told them a whole 2 months early! We ended up "reviewed the timeline" very often. Remember we are building our kids emotional tool box, setting expectations, so don't be annoyed when your kids ask ten times about an upcoming event. Put a framework around their questions to help keep their excitement calm and your parenting sanity.

My youngest would ask "Mom when is my birthday?" And I'd reply (with large concepts he could understand) "first is our Winter break starts, then Christmas, then New Years, and then  we go back to school for 14 days. After that we are in Jamaica where we will celebrate your birthday." He'd say: "Yes!!"  I know it's a lengthy reply, but it was an extensive amount of time to let pass. He would get antcy if we didn't put a framework around his expectations. By New Years Eve he was checking off the list for me, "Mommy, New Years is over, next is School and then we will go to Jamaica for my birthday celebration!" Isn't that better then a kid crying about when is he having his birthday?

Next - Dealing with the Intangible: Time

1. A Countdown paper chain. Similarly to when we traveled to Japan, upon returning to school we made an easy - and not fancy - countdown chain or Jamaica. As the time draws near kids need help managing there anticipation.  Counting days, everyday helps a lot.

2. Tell Me Why / When?  Just like kids love hearing their favorite story over and over, or their favorite song EVERYTIME your in the car, they also want to hear about the trip your taking. It will be the same questions like: where are we going? When are we going? Why is it hot there? After you answer the questions enough times you can flip the script on them. When the kids ask you a question you can simply ask the question back and say "Tell me why?" Or "Tell me when we are leaving?" Once you have answered the question, you helping kids apply what they heard you say, helping memory skills, and eventually layering ideas which helps with complex thoughts and future problem solving skills. 

3. Preparing Kids & Anticipating the Trip - as the vacation became weeks away we would start to ask the kids questions:

- what will Jamaica look like?

- what will we do there?

- what will we eat?

- do you think the people are nice? What do they look like? 

- what will our room look like (sleeping arrangements: my older son doesn't like bunking with his brother, so we had to break the news that they were sharif a sleeper. As an aside, to help with this bunking together, we recently agreed to let older son have his own room, so if younger son is regularly sleeping in a room with his sister - bunking on trips will be less of an issue.)

Obviously our few questions lead to more questions from the kids, and great family discussions. An obviously that's the point, conversation. It's healthy to discuss what's coming up next: (and not just for those future problem solving skills) children's coping skills for all the big changes, kids can anticipate patience, and being bored on a 3-hour flight. 

These conversations were great times to talk about: appropriate behaviors, and when not to talk, like through customs. Kids don't yet grasp finite details like the difference between foods you need to declare and say gum, or hard candy. I didn't want my son correcting me when I say no food (I could already see him politely chiming in - because normally I allow it - "don't forget the candy and bread mom." I'd reply, "no honey we already are it on the plane," and said customs official directs us to the table for a search.... More time wasted). So to completely avoid this we told our older and younger sons "there will be times that only mom or dad talks to the adults at the airport!!" This simplifies matters quickly.

5. Packing Matters

Some surprises are nice too - so don't tell them everything you are packing. Or maybe pack an extra new toy (ours was a Lego chima pack for $4).

-- The kids each had a snack bag, but didn't know about other snacks I packed.

-- Some things we left out. Like talking about a possible in flight movie (in case it was something the kids wouldn't like). 

-- I did pack a surprise small Lego chima pack to assemble for the flight cause when they got super bored I had a surprise planned.

This PACKING LISTS fits IN:

- 2 medium size luggage (I actually took one medium and one carry on checked, however it's good to leave "room to grow" so your not carrying souvenirs in a plastic bag that you have to carry).

Total carry-ons 4: Dad, Mom & Baby shared, Older son and Younger son.

Plus moms purse.

Our kids carry on packing list:

I've always packed my luggage as if "I'll never see it again or it'll be delayed getting to me." So we always pack a bathing suit and a change of clothes in our carry-on. In this case my husband took he kids changes of clothes because he personally had NO carry on needs.

Each kid picks their carry on back pack. I overrode younger son and AFTER his back pack was packed, and heavy, I insisted he take the roller pack (backpack on wheels). I had my own stuff to schlep and I wasn't gonna take his cause mom it's too heavy. When younger so protested I made him wear it around the house all morning... At the end of the first hour he agreed - "it's too heavy mom!!"

6. Each child was asked to pack one (their choice):

- snack bag (we picked up non-sticky food packs at target. Yes, I bought mini snack-size packs instead of making my own... Sanity!)

- small soft stuffed animal / toy

- small pillow (they can lean on this in the plane / back support / snuggles, etc.

- small favorite book

- a small journal (we encouraged drawings pictures or writing about the trip everyday. Especially when the kids were antsy waiting for lunch on "island time" we'd take a toy Or journal with us for stuff to do)

- small (not tiny, always leave room for more stuff or consolidating later) sandwich zip lock baggie for crayons, a pencil, and sharpener if needed

- gallon Baggie 1/4 full if small hard toys (my Lil' ones like playing with army guys, animal figurines and matchbox cars)

Then child specific:

- younger son get a sandwich bag 1/4 full of his beloved Legos. Which HE picked the pieces.

- younger son favorite dot to dot coloring book

- younger son Pokemon cards

- brain quest age: 4-5 

- older son took a second book (Diary of a Whimpy Kid for him to re-read, again)

- older son dinner game questions and his animal cards - we play "bigger stronger" all the time since age 3, and evolved to better predator by age 5

- baby girl gets those over 600 sticker books. We put a sticker on her hand and she sticks it - mostly crooked - to the page... Hours of fun! Her and Younger son

- change if clothes

- diaper needs in baggies - so I don't carry things loosely in my hand on the plane - I'll need to grab her or a seat in turbulence and I don't want my diaper, wipes, and butt paste to I flying

- extra lollipops

- scooby doo memory game, we just look trough the cards in the bag and match them

I also took for me a book, my jewelry, make up bag and my one outfit and bathing suit. I also fit a change of sandals. My carry on is slightly larger then a backpack so I took 3 more pieces of my nice clothes. 

7. For 3 Kids: our Island Caribbean luggage packing list:

Kids helped pick their outfits- try need to learn how to mix and match clothes and patterns. These packing times are ideal to learn these valuable skills!!

We planned to live on the beach. And we decided to get "dressed fancy" for dinner each day (the kids LOVED this idea). We packed accordingly.

- 3 bathing suits each (1-packed in carry on)

- we lived in our bathing suits so only 4 pair if underwear. We can always wash them in the sink if needed.

- 3 pairs if shorts (nice, no holes or rips) (1-packed in carry on)

- 3 best tshirts + 2 extra (we use them as pj's, beach cover ups I'm strong sun, and a quick change before lunch from one Tshirt to the next). (1-packed in carry on and one used for layering on our airplane outfits).

- 1 pair of crocs (worn to airport with socks)

- beach non slip shoes (we are a barefoot no socks family in the heat!)

- Accessories - 1 belt each and suspenders (boys can share for variety)

- 1 "fancy" wedding shirt (we choose a linen button down for younger son and a yellow collared polo for older son. 

Baby girl had 1 pair of shorts and 2 dresses replace the other 2 pairs instead. 

For kids I also packed liquid Motrin and pepto Bismal for a just in case emergency (I don't like relying / waiting on hotels and others when I neeWe had a d stuff / first aid for my kids - so I did over prepare here). We also had a few band aids, my personal tweezers, a small neosporin tube for cuts, small hydrocortisone tube for itches or big bites and An ear thermometer.

Each child wore long pants for departure, then layered in a Tshirt, lightweight long sleeve (great for possible sunburn cover up too) and a polo shirt for boys on the very top. Baby girl had a floral shirt instead of a polo. Then each child had a hoodie sweatshirt. Before landing I changed each child into shorts and simply removed there layers (during flight for comfort) and ultimately down to their tshirts for landing. There was room in each of their carry-ons for their clothes or in dad's carry-on.

I am blogging this for many reasons. I of course will return to this post for my electronic checklist. WE HAD A SUCCESSFUL TRIP... so I am going to use this advice for myself again.

Make Mistakes. Breathe, Reflect. And don't forget to Laugh.Out.Loud.

I Don't Wanna do Chores! And I Didn't Have Time to Play Today

I Don't Wanna do Chores! And I Didn't Have Time to Play Today, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

I Don't Wanna do Chores! And I Didn't Have Time to Play Today, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

This is our quick reminder of how long the day is and exactly how much time 8 year old Older Son DID play today!!

Read more here: Areyousureaboutthatblog.blogspot.com

I wrote the example entry, and he continued writing how time was spent one Snowy Saturday. Suddenly we realized he had 5 hours of free time!!! After The next chore instruction I heard "yes Mom!"

My Son Loves to Read, But Why?

My Son Loves to Read, Buy Why?, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

Maybe I should ask How Come my older son loves to read? What makes him LOVE books so much?

I remember growing up and my mom constantly reading books. I'd be up watching late night TV and she'd be in bed, reading!

We always had a library at home too. Bookshelves covered in books, and then a whole room dedicate to books! I wish I read as much as I used to. I am still surrounded by books that I've never had a change to read, but I can't bear to part with.

As for my so , he definitely has the reading bug. We finish our bedtime book and he's off reading for another 20 minutes or so. I can only assume his love of reading comes from two factors:

My son reading in bed, after our evening story. He's really into the Diary of a Whimpy Kid Series (which he completed all 4 books since summer, over a 6 month period). Here he's feeding (yes, it's like he's feeding on it) on the Nate Series...

1. Ever since he was 6 months old we've read out loud. We've read a book every night for the first 5 years. And during the day - our before school was in our life routine included reading, as we woke, as we ate meals, before naps, and after afternoon play. Concluding the day with, yup, 2-3 bedtime books! Hmph.... I think I'm onto something.

2. Another big factor in reading at home is our own library. The kids always get to buy books when we are out thrifting. They pick whatever they like, even if the books above their age reading ability level. We had a 3rd grade school numbers math activity come home. "Count how many books you own at home." So we did.... 71 on the bookshelf, 25 on his bed night stand, 50 in the closet on the shelf, 45 in the book basket in his sisters room,... you get the idea. We also included the toy room, the kids basket in my room and our lunch time kitchen books. And the grand total was 512 kids books!

I'm still shocked! That's absurd right. Don't assume we hate read them all. Again, as we started the counting activity I didn't think that we had 512, I guesstimated it would be 150, maybe 200? As we counted the books we reminisced what each one was about. There were only a handful we hadn't read, or read fully because they were question and answer books, or reference books, or a dinosaur directory.

Why does my Older 8 year old son love to read? It could be our no TV during the week policy and being surround by 512 books.

Early Math Addition Game with Dice: Math Facts Addition and Penmanship Practice all-in-one

My older 3rd grade son needs to continue learning his math facts (adding through answers to total 20). And flash cards are just so boring, but a necessary evil right?

Not so much. There's lots of ways to practice math facts without worksheets and flash cards. We got a nice dice game idea for my sons teacher. Roll the dice, shout the answer. We played a few times this way, my son loves the "pressure" to tell the answer out.

Now we have added a penmanship element. We have to write the addition problem from the dice and then write the answer. The first person to complete the math problem rolls again. If the other players still writing the previous math problem he might not even see the next roll, and that's okay, it's part of scoring. Whoever has the most problems written at the end of the game wins. We set the kitchen timer for 1 or 2 minutes, and off we go.

areyousureaboutthatblog Math Facts and Dice Game

The first game was a test... To "get the hang of it." But round two was fun. My son really caught on. He lost by one math problem less then I. In the test round he lost by 8. 

For round 3 my pre school younger son wants to roll the die too, so I had to wait to write the math problem until my son rolled his color die and said the color. It helped slow mom down for the 3rd grader to get a fair(er) shot at winning.

This adds penmanship practice, and math all in a fun game!

Make mistakes. Breath, reflect. And Laugh.Out.Loud

Our 8th Birthday Experience and the Blunders and Hurdles to get there.

There's two parts of the story your going to read here:

Part I - My Sons 8th Birthday Experience and His Treasure Map Adventure that went off without a hitch

Part II - You can see all the blunders of the day and where mom made plenty of mistakes. (Go ahead, skip to part II). I have a little "sub-title" to this post called "Moms shouldn't be perfect because were Ruining our sons chances of picking a Normal Girl as a wife!"

I'm preparing for my sons 8th birthday. We're visiting my mom in Indiana. The visit is always fun, and we knew he'd love celebrating his "birthday experience" here. (More on no party birthdays in a separate post.) He chose pancakes for breakfast, so we whipped some up in the pan with the blueberries that grandma picked up at the blueberry farm earlier in the week. The pancakes are my special ones made from my "air batter" which I whip the egg whites first, incorporating air, this helps my pancakes be extra light - and not the hard bricks they used to be (read more on things I do differently here at the Old Mom meet New Mom post).

Meanwhile, inspiration struck, so I've ripped up a paper bag for 'an authentic look' to draw my sons birthday present treasure map. He wanted to "hunt" for his gift like Indiana Jones.

So I thought through a path and then started drawing his map.. Grandmas house is in the middle. 

areyousureaboutthatblog Birthday Treasure Map

Yes this was a "whipped" up map, complete with 6 post-its "Clues" like: "Your gift rhymes with words like tramp, stamp, lamp, and mean, bean, lean." (He's practicing reading and doesn't even know it!) Another clue was "your presents under something Big, Tall, and is spelled with 4 letters: _ _ _ _ ." So after their cartoon time I set up our pancake breakfast, and the boys served themselves. That's our new thing, self serving portions at mealtime. I made clear I need to check on his present, and he can't follow me because he'll ruin his own adventure, and that's no fun. So he 'sent me out' around the house to make sure everything was set, and I put out the clues.

He enjoyed the hunt. And this was the part of the story of that went well.

The Blunders of the Day

So I'm not the perfect mom. There were some my real blunders today. I was cranky on his birthday morning but I still kissed him when he came to my bed, but his cough would've woken baby girl who still sleeps in my bed, so I asked him to go watch tv, as I snoozed a little longer. This birthday morning I forgot he wanted a blueberry smile pancake, so I scraped down the bowl for a teeny tiny bit of batter to make the pancake, last, and put the blueberry eyes and smiley face in to which the blueberry fell out as it was plated.

Then I put a wet spoon on the map I had just made, cringing that it'd bleed thru the markers and clues. I also realized that I had no gift from my young son to his brother. We didn't scrape some time together for even a card. (At dinner I whispered, "give your brother a small plate of your fries and tell him 'Happy Birthday!" Birthday boy was happy with that.) And as for our gift I hadn't even bought anything until "accidentally" seeing that trampoline the day before at our Salvation Army Galux. (Galux is family 'code' for thrift store. In Poland Galux was the Nordstrom's or What was the Woolworths of department stores. So appropo.) It was new and $9.98 btw. On the flip side I'm pretty good at coming up with little clever ideas so I had a backup gift plan.

But then I was thinking, it's a good that I screw up. Not such a terrible screw up, but its not the perfection that the Facebook pictures make it seem to be. Because one day my sons will want to find a partner in life, and if boys look for girls similar to their moms, I can't be "perfect" because then he will never get married!?! What things will she need to perfectly do for him? Never burn his food? Never miss buying a gift? Who's perfect? And do I want a perfect Daughter in Law? No thank you. I do not want Barbie figure, Martha Stewart cookin, Nanny Jo at my house! I want her to be normal. Not high maintenance perfection. To laugh at her mistakes and learn from them. Laugh.Out.Loud. I want her to be honest to herself and him when things go crazy.... And things will go wrong,... they have to, because that's Life, forks in the road are everywhere, she will have some coping skills to deal with it. Hopefully the partner t-he-y marries stays calm at a dilemma seeing an adventure, an opportunity for trying something new, and not a pitch fork!

And I admit that I mess up to my kids for partially this reason. Life doesn't always go the way we want. Then they see how mom handles that dilemma. And hopefully pick a girl who adjust easily too. (And I'm being honest with the boys 1. because that helps build their character, 2. they won't say I lied to them while they were growing up, 3. and I'm praying my honesty will lead to less "mom you screwed me up because..." ). 

So ladies, (and dads striving at perfection, this applies to us all) don't be the perfect mom. Daughter-in-Law's thank me later. 

The days are long the years are short. Make mistakes, breath, reflect, and don't forget to laugh.out.loud.