Death of classmate: A poem about healing

Death of classmate // Healing

No more shooting mom

Listening to the news

Telling my son to play dead

Mom what's that

Basketball games rivalries end in death

Buy a gun for $100 on the corner

Everyone knows where

Sister cry for food

Sister city to play

Sister city a new town
for the death of a child

Pendragon, Pendleton,
shot in a park,
5 blocks from the President's home

Performed at the inaugural

Died at attention.

Gun control won't cut it,

Video games won't cut it,

Mental health registry won't cut it,

Where are the shooters parents,

Where is the raising of a child.

The shootings in Chicago have gone insane. And while this was during the Obama administration, I was deeply affected. We discuss the why's at home. White privilege, poverty, cycles of abuse and the insanity of shootings. What do we tell the children? We talk about these issues openly. And then I deal with my kids saying they are scared when we know we are safe at home. This is not our world, but it hurts my heart.

One day, this will change.

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make mistakes, breathe and keep breathing.

How to Help with Homework, School Strategies, What a Mom to Do?

The early elementary school years are about "learning how to learn." Strategies on how to read or count, because yes there is more then one way. As a new parent I didn't know what's job was when my older son started bringing school work home. I is find myself getting frustrated when he didn't complete worksheets correctly, or if he didn't understand a concept quickly or "get it." I am embarrassed because I feel I should've known better. But how? Or why would I know? No one taught me. So I am also "learning to learn how to help my kids" with their school work an what's expected.

What is Homework?

My husband and I discussed early on what our "job is as parents is" when it comes to school work. Just because he is a Principal doesn't always mean we have thought through our parenting role. Or that we agree on our roles... so we discuss, plan, reflect and readjust as needed.

Homework, in our home, in these early years means we are learning how to work hard at our school work. Mom included. Homework is not about being easy, or hard, it is about the time it takes to complete the work. About the steps involved in completing homework (sharpening your pencil, not wanting to do it when you have to, using an I-pad or book for research, etc.). Homework is "hard work" sometimes and that's okay, he is learning perseverance in times of, well... laziness.

My son brought home his reading test with a love note for his teacher. "This is not a full answer." However to my frustration she didn't review with him what a FULL ANSWER IS. So in turn, that's my job, the parents job is to reinforce ideas the child is and is not learning. And while I feel that a "complete answer" should be reviewed in class, I am happy to do it as best I can at home. Not perfect, but the best I can do.

So when we finished homework assignments that night, I had one more assignment for my son to do.

1. Read the instructions (or in this case the message from the teacher): I read to my son what the teacher had written.

2. Check for Understanding: Then I asked him did he understand what the teacher meant? "Can you tell me what a full answer is?" He said no.

3. Explain the Idea (explain what needs to be learned as best you can, simply...) I explained, again, with out being upset or frustrated because THIS IS MY PARENTING JOB what a full answer is. "A Complete or Full Answer is when you write down on the paper everything in your brain about the questions. How does the teacher know what's in your brain if your don't write it down?" We reviewed that he should write 2 - 3 sentences about the question, and suddenly he remembered learning how to write a "short answer" in class.

4. Do the work! Even though my son didn't want to, when he saw me drawing with a ruler the lines on the back of his page, "Mom, what are you doing?"
I said "I would like you to write the answer correctly."
"But mom I don't have to, we don't have to correct our test, it doesn't count."
Ha! He is still learning how "moms way" works. I said you need to "learn from his mistake. Making mistakes is important, that's how our brains learn. But we need to correct our mistakes when we can so our brain re-learns the correct way. Start Writing."

How to Help with Homework, School Strategies, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

In this photo you can see I drew three lines WITH A RULER (my son hates - or is lazy - about using his tools) so he can rewrite at home the proper answer that's "in his head." The next time he drew the lines, I cannot do this "work" for him.

The story the class read for the test was fresh in his mind. Even if we would have done this activity 1 or 2 days after the test, he would have been able to complete it. My son did have three ideas about the story he read. And he wrote three sentences (which he remembered was the maximum, "two is the minimum, mom"). If my son would not have remembered the story, I probably would've read him a short story and made up a question for him to answer. He still needed to DO the work.

5. Review The Work. We reviewed what he wrote. I asked him if he liked his new answer.

5a: Ask about their emotional state (this helps kids build confidence and make them feel good about learning and relearning from mistakes!). How did it make him feel? "Like I am smart." I said I felt "like you CAN show your teacher what is in your brain."

6. Review the old and new work. Compare them.  I read him his old answer and the new answer, and I asked him which one he liked best. He preferred the three sentences.

Learning from our mistakes IS one way to learn. As a parent I feel we just need to review school work and try to reinforce the ideas when papers come home with 100% or less. Homework is about doing the work not just about the grade.

No, my son did not have to turn in our correction - the purpose of this lesson was to learn how to do things correctly, not about the credit.


Make Mistakes. Breath, Reflect. and Laugh.Out.Loud

Hard work and Parent Child Contracts: Being Proactive to Stop the Homework Whining

My son is a bright boy. He is resilient, knows all about animals and there habitats, and a playful boy, acting our crocodile attacks on zebras with accurate animals noises included. But when it comes to his fine motor skills, he has really improved, however he won't be a calligrapher. Maybe via graphic design?

And I know with the latest technology, iPads are the future in "writing" reports, worksheets, and nearly all assignments. Especially by his high school days. My grandchildren probably will have a 3D Pinterest board titled "I don't know what this is:" that beams pictures like a hologram from their iPad v25. And the hologram will be of a Pencil!

But there's something to be said for hard work and perseverance. See my recent bank confusion and perseverance success here. And when we talk about homework and school tests, we don't praise the grade, we praise the work! We say "Good grade, your hard work studying (or reading or just doing homework everyday) really paid off." 

It's the end of the first week of school and his penmanship is legible... the teacher can "read the answer" which has always been our goal. When he brought home an assignment to complete yesterday, he was still falling into some bad habits. I bring the corrections to his attention: 

- "start words all the way to the left,

- use Capital Letters!

- we didn't finger space here did we?"

So what's a mom to do? Be PROactive an flip the script on my kid. I hate lecturing, because it doesn't work since kids can't follow the long train of thought... And I just get exhausted. So instead I make it a positive learning tool. 

For example: last year my older son  struggled to remember his homework responsibilities, so I wrote up a contract which we referenced nearly every day the first month of school - see the homework contract here. Instead of being REactive to his complaints at homework time, I anticipated the whining and instead I was PROactive by having him read the contract, outloud. After we put back packs down and changed our clothes, he'd come to the kitchen for snack time and he'd start reading te contract which was taped to the wall by his seat as he waited for the food.

So this year he knows the homework routine, and now we can focus on the details of what's expected in his work.

I found this graphic on the Internet which highlights Good Writing Habits. My color ink is Out on our inkjet, so we brightened it up the ol' fashioned way, with markers.




areyousureaboutthatblog Being a Better Writer, Starts Here...

This fabulous and small reminder will be where last years homework contract resided. And he'll have to read it everyday out loud before snack. Hopefully this ingrains the expectations to help in his results - better penmanship!

"What good writers do..."

 • They think about their topic.

 • They write neatly.

 • They use a Capital Letter at the beginning.

 • They use punctuation at the end . ? !

 • They use finger spaces.

 • They read it over and over.

 • They ask if it makes ? sense.

I hope this helps with our penmanship. Even tho iPads are the future of "writing" I think that this exercise in hard work, I get better results teaches my son to persevere!(? I hope!).

We've always said a few regular "reminders" for Older Sons penmanship:

• Write Slow
• Make your most BEAUTIFUL letters
• When Assignments come home - we write the letter or the word 5 times, NOT 20!
• We tell our son AND the teacher that "the teacher has to be able to read it to grade it!"
• Please review your sheet and YOU find where you can write it Neater!

Well - at least the teacher thinks his work is improving!

areyousureaboutthatblog Teacher even likes his improved penmanship

The days are long, the years are short. Make Mistakes, Breathe, Reflect and Laugh.Out.Loud.

SAHM Gets Grateful

I was helping a cousin move today... She has a two year old, newborn twins and a beautiful new large home. So I asked my grandma and aunt to babysit my two little ones and went to my cousin unpack (and hold the new baby boys :-)

And then, after she shared her pros and cons feelings about her new home, and we unpacked and moved boxes, she confessed a little something. We shared how much work having a home is, the cost both financial and mental, and physical. Add kids, a husband, and work..... WORKING for someone. And suddenly > It hit me like a ton of bricks!!! I suddenly felt so at ease, and valued in my stay at home mom (SAHM) role.

I've done So Much Work to be a better mom, too improve my patience, to spend more kid time and less Pinterest crafts... And it's worked. I am a better mom. And I get to stay home and keep working at it. My husband and I make joint decisions so I can make this current decade long-ish "career" work. And in that moment of confession I felt so incredibly grateful to be able to stay home.

I can't imagine making this type of investment in my kids and having to work in an office. Suddenly my anguish ¿Am I doing enough? ¿Will my kids be strong, happy adults? ¡I should be making a financial contribution!

This moment helped me finally be at peace with my SAHM decision.... Yes, I admit finally. (Yes, I am an extreme Type A, always justyfying our decision for me to stay home with the kids. Lazy days, are...the...worst! I feel like I haven't earned time off - its sick - I Know!)

"The days are long, the years are short" > and I get to soak up every moment raising my kids.

Make Mistakes. Breath, reflect. and Laugh.Out.Loud

My story in Poetry: Breastfeeding is hard

So, here's what our society doesn't talk about....sometimes breastfeeding is hard.

Everywhere I read about "just always put baby on the breast," no schedule is needed. And usually baby eats every two hours or so, for roughly 20 minutes each side. 

Ha! 

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In the early 8 weeks my babies would eat CONSTANTLY. My routine was eat for 5, 10, 15 minutes, nap for 10 -30 minutes, eat, nap, eat, nap. So I affected my confidence wondering if somethings wrong. I accepted and loved staying home, I don't need to leave to house, or go to target - I'm here just to care for the baby.

As a mother of three, I wanted to nurse all my babies. With each one there was a small problem here or there.... And I wasn't able to EB (expressly breast) feed.

My poem goes into how this was a challenge, but I made it out of those dark few weeks, realizing that just have the baby at the breast is a wonderful feeling in itself. Yes, there are concerns. But let's talk basics. You Are Feeding Your Baby, Offering a Snack, It's Lovely.

My story in Poetry: Breastfeeding is hard

But for now, here's my poetic take on why:

Breastfeeding is hard

Just put the baby on the breast
And make sure you get plenty of rest
Eat an extra 500 calories a day
And drink lotsa water as much as you may.

Rest ? What's that
I'm exhausted all. the. time.
Eating requires cooking
An for that I'd have to hear you whine

Feed the baby on demand,
A schedule is not at hand.
She'll eat at least 20 minutes on each side,
Just go with the feeding tide.

What's this 20 minute thing?
Baby eats only when she's not sleeping,
at the breast, in my arms, but not at night,
I've been up so long I greet the day light.

Watch the baby to show their satisfied,
6-8 diapers a day u what you'll find.
Rest when baby rests, and watch that she IS getting enough.
As your nursing relationship develops.

My baby cries, ....alot.
It's not colic, and it's her, or my frustration. this is tough.
We found the latch sweet spot,
But it doesn't matter when nursings not.

Lean babys head back, nipple to nose,
Get plenty of breast tissue and on she goes.
Chin first, then her mouth,
Nursing shouldn't hurt even if at first it's a little rough.

My DD latches fine at first,
But then suddenly there's a burst.
Off she slides, and pulls down her chin
And suddenly her lower lip flips in..

See a Lactation consultant and get some help,
Don't worry you ARE making plenty of milk.
Take a supplment like fenugreek or domperidone
You'll smell like maple syrup, an through this you are not alone.

I'm taking 15 pills a day,
Pumping like crazy and my milk stays away.
Baby's latching, on a very red nipple and breast.
And my 3 month old is putting me to the test.

Don't give up, your almost there.
Your making milk, and baby's loving your care.
All babies cry? Look at her diapers and weight gain,
Just thinking you don't have milk is making me insane.

What sux is I'm not enjoying my time with you.
I'm stressed and pumping and supplementing but no more milks
coming thru.
But I just don't know how to give up, I keep going on, but for what?
and it's torture not enjoying this time, but I won't quit, I just can not.

Don't listen to those who ask, "is she getting enough?"
"She's so small, this must be rough."
"I can't believe your doing 'that' when you have those other two."
"Give a little formula so she'll sleep for you."

I'm worried, your crying and It's week number 8,
Your not satisfied and you're not gaining weight.
A few ounces is really it, you didn't gain a lot.
But I keep going because wet diapers you have got.

I'm still here nursing, offering both sides,
I've arrived here satisfied knowing I've tried.
You get the antibodies when you drink my gold,
And night nurse, skin to skin it's best I've been told.
And in the daytime hours we use an SNS,
your not hungry and more content at my breast.
This is a happy baby, she feels satisfied,
And doesn't have the hunger inside.

Out getting groceries I can offer you a snack,
Or at my breast you'll take a nap.
A happy baby is what I want,
This is a good place from what I first got.

Yes I'm bummed out this isn't what I planned,
But some nursing's better then none, it's liquid gold In Hand.
It's not my fault you were tongue tied and a pallet that's high,
A recessed chin, argh! I have no more tears to cry!

Breastfeeding is hard, it's a constant attachment.
But your not a failure if you can't tackle it.
Successful moms even say it's hard, having an infant constantly keeping you behind bars.

I don't know where 20 minutes came from,
There's only a pattern in this hum drum.
So give your baby what you can,
let them suckle and feed very often.

Most women who make it past the 6 week mark,
Will make it outta the dark.
And Feel a joy like no other.
For that of an infant and her nursing mother.

My story in Poetry: Breastfeeding is hard

Here I am nursing my baby girl for nap time and my young son plays in the background.

My story in Poetry: Breastfeeding is hard

As a mother of three, I wanted to nurse all my babies. With each one there was a small problem here or there.... And I wasn't able to EB (expressly breast) feed.

With my oldest I was turning his head toward the breast (not aligning ear, shoulder, hip). So he couldn't swallow right...Imagine drinking through a pinched straw. The LC wasn't at the hospital over my weekend delivery and I saw her two weeks later, where I expressed drops... of... milk...

With my second son I was simply freaked out that he was constantly at the breast. I was so concerned he wasn't satisfied...even tho he did sleep after nursing. He wasn't gaining weight "quickly enough," so at two months I started supplementing with a SNS. I also pumped after nursing and took fenugreek (15 pills a day). I also took domperidone for two months, which helped my nighttime supply for sure. We expressly night nursed, which was a satisfying nursing relationship.

Now with baby girl, and a ridiculous amount of reading I was determined to EBF!!! She nursed great in the first few hours. Only lost 7% body weight. This was it, success! But as we left the hospital the LC said she was seriously Tongue Tied. Once home she was gaining 1-1.5 ounces a week. The WHO standard for EB fed babies is 3.5-7 ounces a week. At one week she was clipped. But her lower lip kept turning in, I'd flip it out, she'd flip it in. She has a recessed chin impacting the latch. Then my nipple was lipstick shaped, she also has a high palette and wasn't taking in enough breast or having the nipple hit the roof of the mouth...

Aaaaasrrrrrrrrggggghhhhhh!!!

Can you see that I knew what was wrong and I couldn't do much about it. She wouldn't sleep after nursing, and cried the most from all three babies. She was hungry. So we also supplement with the SNS and night nurse. Of course, I also pumped after nursing and took fenugreek (15 pills a day). When I skipped a feeding or night pumped I consistently had two ounces. She suckles to nap and lotsa snacks. She gets the most breast milk, and we have a happy nursing relationship.


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Make Mistakes. Breathe, reflect and Laugh.Out.Loud