Being a Mom, Sometimes I just wanna Scream

Sometimes I feel like this... Being a Mom, I just want to Scream. Let it all out. Just because the day isn't going well. Or I am frustrated, or tired, or I just can't... [INSERT MOMMY ISSUE HERE]. This is the picture that hangs in my spice cabinet. In 2009 I spent some of the day coloring with my older son. It's Lucy from Charlie Brown, just letting go. I colored this picture during our coloring time.


Being a mom Sometimes I just wanna scream, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

And then, "for no reason" my older son brought home a note for me from Kindergarten. It was not an assignment. It was written during free time.

"Dear Mom,

You have love that is unstoppable from getting to me

Love (older son)"
Written in Kindergarten 2009

This note hangs above my screaming picture...in the spice cabinet. And when I just look at it, intentionally or not, I really do feel better.


Being a mom Sometimes I just wanna scream, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

Make Mistakes. Breath, Reflect. And Laugh.Out.Loud

Creativity in Kids: Inspiration is Everywhere, If Parents Let Them Lead

My young son was inspired today... on his own. My mom job was to help him get the necessary parts. The cup he's holding in a musical instrument. His "guitar drum." He's been telling me all week his classmate Sean is having a "musicians theme birthday party" and "I just have to pick what instrument I want to have mom."

Creativity in Kids: Inspiration is Everywhere, If Parents Let Them Lead, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

I didn't receive any invitation to said party. However it's a frequent topic at home lately. So today we were watching Curious George on PBS and it's was an episode where a colleague of the man in the yellow hat made an instrument. Then the commercial break showed kids making their own instruments from bowls, pots, cups, and the almighty multi purpose rubberband!

Here's my sons guitar drum. Wearing his ninja headband, because at nap time we read Magic Treehouse Night with the Ninjas.

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Old merges with New, Part II: a Proper Apology (the Steps in the Apology Process)

Family. It's something that motivates us, drives us insane at times, but will always remain deep with in us. Even when we try to run away from it we can't. We can pretend, but family is always a part of us. 

In my last post I wrote about struggles with my grandmother. Her health fears and my ever waning strength to be of any help, anymore.

I feel guilty helping her when my kids get tossed off during that hour phone call (good luck ending a call with her quickly). There is ACTUAL needs here by my 'lil ones. Actual needs to be met. But when she acts ridiculous and denies helping herself, there's nothing more I can do. 

I have learned a lot over these last few years living so close to grandmas house. More stories about everyone in the family. Having grown closer to grandma (before we grew a little further apart). I've even spent quality time with my grandfather's side of the family whom I had Never Known Existed. Imagine that...

But I'm learning. I'm reflecting on my own life as I hear so many family stories from the generations gone by. Why did so-and-so do this or that? Why can't they handle their life issues? It's a life puzzle that you piece together with stories. And then once you know, about who and why... Let that information heal you.

Knowing WHY things happen is part of the puzzle. Once your life history and puzzle questions are assembled you have a picture of the answers you've been looking for - and then, it struck me: "what are you going to do with those answers."

My tag line in this blog includes "reflect."

I reflect on the new things I learn and take them in. The information almost grows as a new part of me for a while, I digest the information, I sit with it, In my minds eye I look at it, and then I can see how I can hopefully gain some knowledge from the information. 

Usually it's by redirecting my approach with my kids. Learning from the mistakes of those around me and adding in the awesome Rules and Life lessons I've heard too!! When I see a mom screaming, I remind myself of the times I screamed, I reflect on how awful I felt, and my kid/s felt afterwards. Note to self: don't scream.

In my last post I mentioned my sons had an argument with eachotehr. While I was on the phone with my uncle discussing the most recent issue with Babcia and the results of the doctors appointment; the older son started yelling!! I witnessed my older son in frustration, after being stuck at Babcia's house for nearly 2 hours and totally off routine, and now he has to deal with hearing mom on the phone,...well he had enough! He began to YELL at his younger brother for taking a toy. I mean screaming after he lunged across the table attempting to grab it back. 

I finished my phone call with a quick "I have to call you back." 

Without yelling... I said: I think we all need a break.

1. We handled it first by "cooling our jets" and by sending him upstairs to calm down. 

2. Then I asked my younger son what he thought happened. I agree he also deserved to toy to have and play with too.

3. We all went upstairs to talk through the toy issue. 

4. I got my older sons perspective, thru some tears.

5. Next were both boys ideas for solutions to the toy matter. And mom sprinkled in some thoughts when they hit dead ends.

6. Then we went over a proper apology steps:

1. Take responsability for what you did do. 

2. Say your sorry. 

3. Offer to make amends.

7. I lived by example: I also asked for some "private time" to talk with my older son about yelling. I took "responsibility for my own actions" explaining how I yelled when he was little (between baby girls age and younger sons) and that was wrong. And that's probably why he yells. "It's normal to get mad, but we have to control our actions. Mommy doesn't yell anymore, right? Younger son and baby girl don't either, right? Because mommy's changing. I'm not yelling anymore am I? Well you also need to try to not yell too." 

I cried a little. He did too. I said I had a bad day. He did too. I said I was frustrated with Babcia, but that's no reason to yell. He said he was too. But I told him no matter how I feel I can't take it out on the people I love. "Mom what can you do?" He said thru his teared up eyes. 

"Ask for private time. Go for a walk. Go read a book. Anything to not hurt others with your pain. Leave to situation. Sometimes we just need a break from life."

We talked thru options: how to "tell and not yell." Talk try options, but If your mad you need to walk away first, and then if you can't think of how to trade toys or take turns, if that doesn't work ask an adult for help.

8. We called in the other two (who were playing in baby girls bedroom but constantly walking in on our talk [which was allowed because kids learn by observation, and seeing mom stay calm and talk it out is really really good observation]). I said older son would meet us downstairs while he figured out what to offer younger son (3rd step in the apology process). Meanwhile I coached younger son to take whatever he's given [since this is the first time practiceing this process] and say thanks, cause we can trade it for something else tomorrow. [just in case my bright ideas need a little nudge, I give a little push!]

9. Older son apologized for yelling while offering a toy up for play as an offering. 

10. After that it was clearly over. The boys shook hands. 

And I felt better. If even for a Moment. I thought after such a strange day, and "dealing with the old," I felt there was a blending in me of all the good I'd learned. I am going to teach my kids - as best I can - the better way of doing things in life. And that's a great place to be.

Make mistakes (because you will). Breath. Reflect. And Laugh.Out.Loud (or cry like I did today with my son)

Our 8th Birthday Experience and the Blunders and Hurdles to get there.

There's two parts of the story your going to read here:

Part I - My Sons 8th Birthday Experience and His Treasure Map Adventure that went off without a hitch

Part II - You can see all the blunders of the day and where mom made plenty of mistakes. (Go ahead, skip to part II). I have a little "sub-title" to this post called "Moms shouldn't be perfect because were Ruining our sons chances of picking a Normal Girl as a wife!"

I'm preparing for my sons 8th birthday. We're visiting my mom in Indiana. The visit is always fun, and we knew he'd love celebrating his "birthday experience" here. (More on no party birthdays in a separate post.) He chose pancakes for breakfast, so we whipped some up in the pan with the blueberries that grandma picked up at the blueberry farm earlier in the week. The pancakes are my special ones made from my "air batter" which I whip the egg whites first, incorporating air, this helps my pancakes be extra light - and not the hard bricks they used to be (read more on things I do differently here at the Old Mom meet New Mom post).

Meanwhile, inspiration struck, so I've ripped up a paper bag for 'an authentic look' to draw my sons birthday present treasure map. He wanted to "hunt" for his gift like Indiana Jones.

So I thought through a path and then started drawing his map.. Grandmas house is in the middle. 

areyousureaboutthatblog Birthday Treasure Map

Yes this was a "whipped" up map, complete with 6 post-its "Clues" like: "Your gift rhymes with words like tramp, stamp, lamp, and mean, bean, lean." (He's practicing reading and doesn't even know it!) Another clue was "your presents under something Big, Tall, and is spelled with 4 letters: _ _ _ _ ." So after their cartoon time I set up our pancake breakfast, and the boys served themselves. That's our new thing, self serving portions at mealtime. I made clear I need to check on his present, and he can't follow me because he'll ruin his own adventure, and that's no fun. So he 'sent me out' around the house to make sure everything was set, and I put out the clues.

He enjoyed the hunt. And this was the part of the story of that went well.

The Blunders of the Day

So I'm not the perfect mom. There were some my real blunders today. I was cranky on his birthday morning but I still kissed him when he came to my bed, but his cough would've woken baby girl who still sleeps in my bed, so I asked him to go watch tv, as I snoozed a little longer. This birthday morning I forgot he wanted a blueberry smile pancake, so I scraped down the bowl for a teeny tiny bit of batter to make the pancake, last, and put the blueberry eyes and smiley face in to which the blueberry fell out as it was plated.

Then I put a wet spoon on the map I had just made, cringing that it'd bleed thru the markers and clues. I also realized that I had no gift from my young son to his brother. We didn't scrape some time together for even a card. (At dinner I whispered, "give your brother a small plate of your fries and tell him 'Happy Birthday!" Birthday boy was happy with that.) And as for our gift I hadn't even bought anything until "accidentally" seeing that trampoline the day before at our Salvation Army Galux. (Galux is family 'code' for thrift store. In Poland Galux was the Nordstrom's or What was the Woolworths of department stores. So appropo.) It was new and $9.98 btw. On the flip side I'm pretty good at coming up with little clever ideas so I had a backup gift plan.

But then I was thinking, it's a good that I screw up. Not such a terrible screw up, but its not the perfection that the Facebook pictures make it seem to be. Because one day my sons will want to find a partner in life, and if boys look for girls similar to their moms, I can't be "perfect" because then he will never get married!?! What things will she need to perfectly do for him? Never burn his food? Never miss buying a gift? Who's perfect? And do I want a perfect Daughter in Law? No thank you. I do not want Barbie figure, Martha Stewart cookin, Nanny Jo at my house! I want her to be normal. Not high maintenance perfection. To laugh at her mistakes and learn from them. Laugh.Out.Loud. I want her to be honest to herself and him when things go crazy.... And things will go wrong,... they have to, because that's Life, forks in the road are everywhere, she will have some coping skills to deal with it. Hopefully the partner t-he-y marries stays calm at a dilemma seeing an adventure, an opportunity for trying something new, and not a pitch fork!

And I admit that I mess up to my kids for partially this reason. Life doesn't always go the way we want. Then they see how mom handles that dilemma. And hopefully pick a girl who adjust easily too. (And I'm being honest with the boys 1. because that helps build their character, 2. they won't say I lied to them while they were growing up, 3. and I'm praying my honesty will lead to less "mom you screwed me up because..." ). 

So ladies, (and dads striving at perfection, this applies to us all) don't be the perfect mom. Daughter-in-Law's thank me later. 

The days are long the years are short. Make mistakes, breath, reflect, and don't forget to laugh.out.loud. 

Downton Abby: 100 years later, are we an upstairs or downstairs society?

As I watched the last episode of Season 3 Downton Abby last night I started to think, after all these years what's become of our status in society? Who would I have been in the Downton Abbey era? As its incinuated in the show that The Era of the Abbeys won't last much longer. Technology and "modern ways" were taking over, and generations of aristocratic rule were falling by the wayside. So what becomes of the people in the "new times?" Are we living as the upstairs family would have or continuing in life as the service staff would?

Downton Abbey, the Family leads and Service follows

So I started to reflect on my own life. Interestingly enough I'm a daughter of real European aristocrat,  my father and my mom who is from a small village. Granted my parents met here in the United States, and most likely would not have met in their native homeland of Poland. As I was growing up my mother always made it a point that I knew my manners, as did my father. It seemed though that my father pushed away from the family rituals and behavior, and he was not close with his family. But my mother embraced all of the etiquette, formality and properness of it all. Even tho she grew up in a village, her Grandmother was a seamstress, and we think that her Grandmother passed down the importance of dressing well and "for the occasion." Education was important in the home as was "doing well" and "being successful" in whatever you do. She was a woman who understood the quality of fine materials. So ingrained in my mom was dressing well, appropriate for the occasion, and so on,...so she wasnt presented as a "peasent" when she met my dad - and here in the U.S. they were no longer "worlds apart."

Downton Abbey, the Upstairs Family leisurely enjoying news by the fire. 

As you can tell from reading this blog, I feel that manners and etiquette are very important. I'm constantly calling for my boys as "gentlemen, come here," but sometimes I do call for them in Polish slang term for "boys" similarly to the village people. So I guess I show I am a blend of both worlds.

Downton Abbey - downstairs, servant dinner time

Watching Downton Abby has given me so much insight into my father's world. What his parents had to lose after World War II, and what he had to relearn how to live in simplicity when he came to this country. (Instead of following his degree as a physicist, he chose to repair cameras his whole life making less than $25,000 a year. Clearly not the lifestyle he grew up with.) But one thing my father definitely maintained, was the joy and fun in his humor and wit. I would say he's an extremely witty man never answering the question directly, similarly as the Lady Dowager does, always side barring and having just the right answer, just the right way of handling things, when he wasn't being mean to someone of course.

Downton Abbey - Lady Dowager "Vulgarity is no substitute for Wit!"

So now that I have a better understanding of where aristocratic father came from, what does that tell about me? Which side did I end up on? As a mom I'm certainly doing the work of the service people. Laundry, dishes, cooking all our meals, dirty diapers, being a "wet mother" since we're still nursing baby girl, ha ha. And I spend more than one hour every day with my children, unlike the Dowager. This would definitely be the life of service. Thank God for technology, at least I have a dishwasher to be my first assistant / Daisy in the kitchen.

On the other hand my Husband and I have a higher education through to university, we've really taken a lot of love to have a beautiful home, with a wonderful landscape. We take daily walks, love books in our library at home, and have elegant fancy dinners with our family and friends often.

So am I a woman of the upper-class, who has learned how to do menial tasks, and take care of young children? Or am I a woman of service was increased her status to own a home, yet still do menial tasks and take care of children?

I guess it's easier to leave this question unanswered? It can sound extremely arrogant to say because I have an education it gives me an upper hand on those that don't? I don't think I fall in the middle either? If there is a middle? Does an education still raise us up in class? Improve handling life's issues?

But that's not to say that the head housemaid Mrs. Hughes or the head Butler Carson would not handled things wonderfully and they were in service and didn't have a higher education.

The only other thing that I have that is clearly reminiscent of the aristocratic society, is my wit. I often don't answer questions directly and instead will have some very cunning and smart remark that will neither offensed the person but it will sort of "put them in their place."

Where does this leave us? I have to say I really don't know. I didn't dabble in the finances aspect because obviously I don't want to talk about my financial situation on the Internet. But that definitely is a factor to consider if you live "check to check" or if you have something to "fall back on," that'll tell you a little bit about where we've gotten to land socially.

It's two days after writing this post: I'm in the kitchen grabbing our snacks for our outing - my eldest comes in, he's thirsty. The four year old needs me to wipe his booty, and baby girl just picked up yet another Lego for her snack / teething aid!! Can't we just leave? No, the chauffer (that's me too) needs to fetch her keys.

My conclusion: while at heart I am definitely an aristocrat and a well rounded, educated, and well dressed social lady, I'm definitely a downstairs maid / nanny who's been promoted to homeowner and mom. Thus I call myself the "Family Manager." A little education, a little free time, and lots and lots of chores!!


Make Mistakes. Breath, Reflect. and Laugh.Out.Loud

My Son Lost his Toy and I AM NOT Buying Him a New One

Since my eldest was a toddler I taught NOT to take toys in when we went shopping, to a museum, library or any activity. Because the instant kids go into their destination they drop their toy "like its hot" and head to the first thing that catches their eye. Buh-bye toy.

It's not my job to pick up and carry that thing around. I've gotta diaper bag and two other kids I'm schlepping around and that's plenty enough for me.

So, for the most part we rarely, ever, loose a toy. My son nor I can remember it happening, until a recent visit to the library. We went to dinner after school and he took in his new red apple shaped plush "fruit ninja." He cashed in his big 1,000 ticket jackpot win at a birthday party gamę Palace for the Priceless "In the moment pop culture" plush. Generally I don't allow plush toys out of the house because they easily pick up germs. But I made an exception on this special "no occasion" day.

If you are reading this post, please post a comment below on what you liked - or didn't  - about this read. Does the topic interest you and you want to know more? Submit a question and I am happy to tackle it.

He remembers bringing his toy back to the car, as do I. Then we went to the library. I didn't remember him brining it in, per our "toy rules." He went in, took off his coat, and ran to find his book "diary of a wimpy kid." But that night after we returned home he remembered his fruit ninja. We figured it was in the car and we'd get it in the morning. Well when we went to the car it wasn't there. "Did you check behind behind your chair ?" Yes! "Under your feet?" Two affirmatives but no toy.

I called the library. I told him not to be hopeful, I didn't think it was there. Nope, it wasn't there. And my son cried, hard, like I've never seen him cry (not counting being hurt). "I know your disappointed" I said. "It was MY FAVORITE!" (Of course I'd never heard another toy described that way - ha!.) I didn't try to minimize his feelings tho.

This was a great tragedy, like Romeo and Juliet, like The Trojan War - well in a kids perspective anyway.

And my next instinct was, "Honey you have some birthday money left to buy a new one," and then I in my head I heard the sound of screeching breaks, wait a minute. I stopped myself. This was a great mommy moment. Is that the right message? There will be many disappointments in life, and sometimes things are not replaceable (even tho the fruit ninja is). So (gulp) I let him cry. I was driving the car and I while I was slightly amused at the intensity of his feelings over this Thing, I still melt because my baby was hurting inside. So I just said "I wish I could give you a big hug right now." He said "I wish you could too."

I didn't blame him for the loss of his toy either. His feelings of sadness were lesson enough of loosing track of his toy. I didn't say, like I instinctively felt to say "see what happens when you take your toys out of the house." But for us luckily that doesn't happen, this was a first in 7 years.

My older sons occasional hiding fort, when he needs alone time.

The crying stopped. I also did my mom job, I called the restaurant and the library. Nothing. And so we drove in silence, ... But then I remembered (this is my son were talking about here). During clean up time he steps right over a toy and says he's done! Blind as a man!! Hey "did you check under your feet?" "Yes, I did" as he's looking, again... And up comes the ninja. He didn't cheer, or get excited. He hugged his ninja. And it was over.

He knew he lost track of it. He felt the consequential loss. That was lesson enough, as brief as that 15 minutes we were in the car.


Make mistakes, breathe, reflect and Laugh.Out.Loud.

Lenten Season: Giving Up ON Giving Up

Growing up it was a little exciting and rewarding to be able to "give up" candy for 40 days and feel a sense of accomplishment. Sometimes I might sneak a bite of a snickers and then feel guilty for days.... ah catholic guilt! As an adult a few years ago I gave up soda for lent and happily I never went back to drinking soda daily. It takes at least 30 days to build a habit, or unlearn one in this case, so Lent's 40 days works great! Now it really is an occasional treat. Unfortunately soda just doesn't taste as good to me as it used to either.

My son came home from school an announcement that "the whole second grade was giving up talking at lunchtime for lent." Gee, I can only imagine who's idea that was? Any teacher friends want to fess up?

So mom, what are you giving up for lent? Hmph, for the first time in many years I hadn't given it much thought. I'd seen my Facebook friends post Meatless Monday, Tubeless (No TV) Tuesday, Water Wednesday, Fish Friday, etc. you get the idea. And yes, on Water Wednesday that doesn't include the water in mom and dads coffee. Let me know how that works out for you?


If you are reading this post, please post a comment below on what you liked - or didn't  - about this read. Does the topic interest you and you want to know more? Submit a question and I am happy to tackle it.


So at about a week into lent my son returned asking again "Mom what are you giving up for lent?" I said without thinking "I'm giving up on giving up!" And it hit me - sheer brilliance! I am not giving anything up, instead I will do... I will do what I have been needing to do for months, years even. I am going to do every little project, activity, and proactive effort I have been meaning to do during lent. I commit at least one hour a day to this task.

And then I started my list. Because of course I have a list to check things off as they are accomplished. My only "rule" was to complete these things over the course of lent, committing at least one hour per day. I couldn't abandon my children and like a tornado get everything sifted and shifted in a day or two. After all this was months and years in the making and I hadn't gotten it done so far. And I had to involve family members where possible (#4 & 5 are AWESOME for kids). I've included my list and some of the steps involved. And we know how time flies, things don't get done because the day to day of life takes over. So this plan just might work to get those things done!

#1 - Clean off the dining room table and KEEP STUFF OFF OF IT. Granted I was only storing things on half of the table, but it's so unsightly during dinner. Most things were transitional - go to basement, go to storage, go away. But they didn't "Go" anywhere, they sat, and sat. So once I put things in their rightful place I gave myself a basket. It's an 8 x 12 inch basket for any transitional stuff. If the basket gets full I MUST pay attention and put those items away.

 #2 - Have at least 3 projects a week with the kids. After homework and commitments we need our time to learn the non-school way. My four year old is really into color mixology, thank you Pinterest for all the great ideas. Including Gak, Slime, Sensory bags, Sensory bottles, I-Spy Bags (AWESOME), Growing Beans in a Clear Jar so we can "watch" what happens (AWESOME x2!), make a paper mache mask and paint it, and much more!

#3 - Speaking of Pinterest. MAKE THOSE Sensory Pins! Check and Check! Again based on the current interests I used some small animals and made an African habitat in rice. Baby girls has a sound set up making noise, I mean music with her bowls and spoons, and our sensory bags.

#4 Have the kids start picking up after themselves. So it is totally true that boys "don't see" things laying around as they trip over, hop over and scoot around them. So I am making a conscious effort
that when we leave a room, like the kitchen, the older boys takes all the toys from the "high" areas and the younger from the "low/floor" and items get put Where They BELONG! This worked so well that I have added putting your own plates and cups away into the sink. When they leave their plates out - well that same plate greets them in the morning, who the hard dinner crud on it. Lesson quickly learned. My effort in this is constant - hopefully only thru lent, where I follow them around like Mother Goose, making sure toys end up in the right places. THIS IS WORKING GREAT! For me too - I have learned to actually follow the kids and make sure they learn the procedure right the first time. I "invest" my time and they learn correctly - again the brilliance of Montessori-esque.

#5 Finally start that Montessori-esque Playroom. I have been reading lots and lots about Montessori, and I totally love it. Its so European and makes loads of sense. But some elements I think are too extreme for me. Others are of course wonderful reminders that children can be independent at a young age. And for my own mom sanity its a great method to teach good habits, chores and independence and creativity at the same time. So to task I asked my boys to bring me toys they no longer want, that are broken, etc. HA! Each boy brings me things the other plays with. . . Let's start over. I sat the boys down with a glass of juice and "we" decided on what goes, ... again.

- If it's broken, gone.
- If it's not played with. buh bye.
- If it's not yours, put it where it belongs.
- Bring me stuffed animals we don't like, don't want, that smell, or are leaking stuffing.
- If you think you might want it but your are not sure, bring it in the "maybe box" ("also the keep it in the basement a week if they don't ask it goes box")

After I get their selections I separately went thru the toys they NEVER play with. We cleaned out nearly 3 large boxes of stuff. Our toy room is more of an inspiration room now.

What stayed in the Toy Room
all neatly organized into individual boxes and baskets by item:
- Musical Instruments
- Wooden Building Blocks
- Wooden Lincoln Logs
- Ball bin
- tinker toys bin (one in toy room and one in their bedroom, since they always end up downstairs)
- Wood trucks and cars
- Plastic toy cars all in one basket
- All board games
- construction play set
- dress up clothes (on hangers)
- Chest with our "hard plastic" animal figures
- Basket with stuffed animals (slimmed down to our most, most, most favorites in 3 rounds of filtering)
- Book shelf (thinned out so we can actually access our books and thumb thru a selection)
- Wood Toy Trains Sets

The walls still have our Art Gallery Line where I pin their art work up. And a map of the animals around the world, a low play chalkboard, and craft / supply storage shelves.

Upstairs Boys Bedroom has:

- Lego's with tiny not-baby-friendly pieces
- Squinkes set which my 4 year old loves
- book shelf (thinned out so we can actually access our books and thumb thru a selection)
- Astronaut set and imaginext shuttle
- Dinosaur play set
- Reading/snuggle chair
- Bionicles
- stuffed animals bin in baby girls room
- Lego Table and 2 chairs.

Also Montessori Esqu beginnings are:

- ENFORCING the put your slippers on policy. "Enforcing" for me means when shoes come off after arriving at home, I gently remind the boys to put slippers on. It's a "Type A" thing, sorry Montessori readers!
- # 4 picking up after themselves and putting their own plates and cups in the sink.
- keeping your homework basket neat. And cleaning up homework supplies after yourself.
- to be introduced: a small wood try and a tray basket. So if they want individual play they can have it.

These are all wonderful steps to mom feeling Waaaayyyyy less stressed. And my boys knowing what to do and not having to ask who what where constantly.

#6 Write Scientist Names Around the trim of the toy room. Followed by a project on each so we can learn about their contribution to science.  Still on the to do side of the list. When we were at the Museum of Science and Industry, during a demonstration in the main rotunda I notices around the ceiling moulding were various scientist last names. LOVED THIS IDEA. It'll get it's own post when that's accomplished.

#7 Filter the old mail, papers, and filing documents in the office. I went thru and trashed so much paperwork in 1 hour, only 1 hour! Such an accomplishment. Now I need one more hour to file it all... nearly there. When we renovated our office into a sitting room I rid us of the horrid filing cabinet and hanging folders into accordion folders i had left over from some other projects. So the filing process was started but for some reason I had a BIG basket of left over paperwork.

#8 Clear off kitchen Counters and KEEP THEM THAT WAY. Am I yelling? I don't mean to yell, it's just I cannot keep my counters uncluttered. Everything has a place. That's been my rule for year. But for some reason I don't follow it? Until now, and it's working great. I am simply Following my own rules!

#9 Impromptu clean up the spice cabinet and tea boxes. I'm not British, but you would think I was with all the tea I drink. Loose tea, bagged tea, boxed tea bags, and canisters of exotic teas yet unopened. So I filtered out half empty tea boxes into a canister, bags from left and right. I consolidated spices and tossed what is not used - and will never be used - OUT. Again, it took only an hour, and it felt so good!

#10 Sit with my son during homework. We have 3 kids, and this one can be challenging sometimes. I had to rearrange my day to accomplish this task. Homework usually takes 30 minutes. But we sidebar, and or chat, alot, so it can get to an hour sometimes. I want to sit at the table with my son. It accomplishes 2 things. I get less "frustrated" having to walk away from what I am doing (usually cooking dinner) to address his needs, and he feels he has my full attention - as it should be. So the Sensory Bin plays a big role here. For my 4 year old son and 1year old daughter. Both have a sensory bin. The 4 year old plays for an hour with no problem. The baby however plays for 10 minutes (which is still great) and then invades my cabinets. Still giving me and the big boy quality homework time.

#11 Sort boys art center. I opened items in boxes and put them in east to access baskets (Montessori esque). I opened the lacing and string box, put all the stamp and ink in a clear bin, and consolidated all our craft books (mask making included) into one shelf. The boys said they like it better, but most importantly are using the area more which shows me they really do like it! I also ended up sorting their coloring books bin right by the kitchen table and got rid of old magazines and half colored books I knew they wouldn't use.

#12 Put into storage what goes into storage! So obvious, right? Yeah I have a Christmas bin I am still filling with leftover stragglers. But that, and my husbands teaching books that are collecting dust, and the boxes from under my sons bed (with toys he can grow into), into the Attic they go.

#13 Rearrange Boys Room. My older son brought this up a few weeks ago. And we know how time flies, things don't get done because the day to day of life takes over.  We were in their room, filtering the books and toys and my son said his bed would look good by the window. And so we talked thru where 2 dressers, a table, 2 beds, a chair and 2 drawers sets and a book shelf would go. We started moving things out and out. I'm a pretty logical kind of girl so I directed mostly here. That took one hour. We moved the beds around and the chair. Dressers were basically in place so time for a Lunch break! It was great! We sat at the kitchen table, talked about the room move, what we liked, what we didn't. The boys didn't really want to finish the job. But I talked up our sense of accomplishment, ... that we were almost done, ... only a few more books and toys to move around,... okay, I caved and promised some ice cream. Congrats to us all on a job well done.


I feel a HUGE sense of accomplishment getting these tasks underway. We are not even halfway thru Lent and I am more then Halfway thru my list.  I hope to keep our home running this way for several more years! As for my new Lenten tradition. I may just have to keep that too. #14 - add before and after pictures to the blog :-)

My young son drives me nuts, or is it just me?

I need to simply change my expectations because I expect too much of my kids. Ya, it is my own fault that I can yell at times, and get so frustrated, over what exactly? Noise, a mess, playing rough?

My older son talks clearly, with a great vocabulary, but you know what... he doesn't comprehend concepts yet (money, time, competition and teasing). And he emotionally doesnt understand alot - like that blank stare when I yell. My kids freeze in fear - they were just having fun... why is mom yelling?

I read an interesting article about gifted kids - those who can complete complex math problems in high school, or master playing beethoven by age 8. The brain develops the "skills" but does not develop the emotional brdiges for long term success. Can you imagine the pressure on an 8 year old to perform infront of a large crowd because he is the best? Even if he loves playing, the one thing he isn't doing is being a kid. And as kids play, and face "kids play" challenges, they develop - slowly - the emotions they need to deal with things as an adult. Their "emotional tool box" which will follow them thru life.

So I reflected on this article for my own good...

Stay calm cause really no ones dying - I literally take a deep breath when I feel I am getting angry.

Ironically I did a good job teaching my 3 year old to say "I am getting angry" so we can know to respect his space. I am relearning 30+ years of bad habits - - so I need to take deep breaths!

My own mom used to say: "what's your problem?" I realize that she too didn't know how to put into nicer words: "Honey, I love you,... I know your having a hard time understanding how you feel,... let's talk about it." I realized I don't want to bring up my kids, repeating the cycle, and them bearing the same trauma as me.

Do Not Hit

We have a don't hit policy at home, that incudes grabbing ears, hair, etc. I think the need to get physical arises because my emotions where not allowed, and I was shut down whenever I wanted to speak.... so through the years that built up as anger - 0 to 10 instant anger. My mom would yell and rant through the house and if I spoke up she'd tell me to shut up and listen. I would sit in my room FUMING MAD, mumbling the worst things under my breath.  I never understood where my own anger came from until very recently.And then the final straw - I watched an episode of the super nanny, which usually makes me feel so much better as a mom, where Joan sat a dad down at kid level and yelled at him. The dad could see what a big bully he looked like to his kids. I couldnt swallow the lump in my throat for days.

My husbands mother would pull his ears! How horrible. So when hubby started doing that to our little 3 year old first son, and after I asked constantly for him to stop - guess what? I decided one day when I was within his reach, right after he pulled my son's ear, I pulled my husbands ear - HARD! Needless to say - luckily - it never happened again. Unfortunatly with habits like this, yelling and ear pulling, I think we need to take our own medicine so we know how it feels. Now my husband also takes a deep breath!

I literally take a deep breath when I feel this angry. Then I ask myself, "Is this situation so bad that I will be mad about it in 5 years?" Usually the answer is no.

The good news is... my anger is in check. I stay significantly more calm. My oldest son asks me openly "mom, why do you look frustrated?" And I am honest about what is bothering me... but I am cautious NOT to blame him. I do say things like:

"You didn't put your shoes away, and your brother is screaming, and the baby is hungry... it's alot for mom to deal with right now, but in 10 minutes i'll be okay"


As long as we continue to grow, improve, and be better parents for ourselves and for who our kids are right now this plan can work. Its so simple. And for me, for us, we are okay.