Downton Abbey can teach you How to Believe in Something.. (Season 2,Episode 1 and 2)

Downton Abbey can teach you How to Believe in Something...

We can learn a lot from Downton Abbey about instilling values and understanding in our children. While the show is set in early 1900's England, following a sometimes stuffy, aristocratic, life of leisure. Where footmen and maids do everything from cook and clean to dress their Lord and Lady employers, there is a tremendous amount of perspective to be gained in the amount of time spent doing ... nothing!

Time spent walking, dressing, preparing for dinner (that is getting dressed for dinner) allows for a lot of time think, andcontemplate  all that is in our lives.  One thing time, extreme amounts of leisure time, gives you is the ability to reflect and consider, ponder, and gain perspective on how you want to shape your life. What are your opinions, values and how will you live those beliefs. You have time to process your reaction ti a story or new idea, and how it relates to your daily life.

When war struck Downton, it was so refreshing to see Lord Grantham and his family and servants appreciation of soldiers. A deep appreciation for their commitment and valor, regardless of the opinions of the war. During the war civilians felt there country was fighting for something they, as a whole society, could believe in. In World War I, young men were very anxious to sign up for the war.

Perhaps it was naïveté. Perhaps we know better today how horrible war is. With the instant ability on the Internet being able to see the brutality and the severity of war. Even tho they - the people of England - didn't see or understand the brutality of war, there was still support in 1917. But what I have come to admire is there sheer support of the soldiers. Regardless of position in society, wealth, stature, and even with little understanding of what it meant to be on the "front lines," there was support for those who were called to duty-- and shame for those who didn't or ran.

How they thought of the boys on the front, how they talked about war, how they supported them, how they understood the troops were sacrificing their lives, their families, and everything that they had in their lives, to go be on the front. I wish we had that type of support for soldiers today. If there's one thing we could hold onto from the early 20th century it would be that (perhaps blind) appreciation.

Believe me when I say I am the first one who is antiwar, but I have to be able to support those who sacrificed their lives to go overseas and do what their country calls them to do. I am not patriotic from that perspective. I think War should be avoided at all costs. We are such an advanced society yet we use such antiquated approaches as boots on the ground war. And if we are at war it should be understood why. 

Ironically all my opinions listed above on why not to go to war lack the support for our soldiers. I recognize that. And there it is, the demise of our nation. Of us. Of me. We get so caught up in opinion we forget about those who are LITERALLY caught up in The fight. 

But I'm just laymen, not a decision-maker in Washington. So all I can do to support the troops is Not just in my blog, but also into deeds.

How can we support our troops? How can we show - that even if we are against the war - that the troops should get our thank you?

No spoiler alerts here. At the end of Downton Abbey season one, the country is involved in World War I. At the time of course it's just considered a war and not yet the Great War to end all Wars. The beginning of season two, which shows that all the young men are being enlisted or already fighting in the war. The footman from downtown are all gone. And there's the sheer shock of ladies taking over men's work, women learning how to drive and do farm work. 

A Lady from the manor becoming a nurse. The maids serving dinner (the horror for Carson the Butler). But for these aristocrats it was doing "their sacrifice" to support the war. And the answer to how we today can support our troops, in comments, actions and deeds just like the people of Downton Abbey.

Everyone pulled together to help. Farms lost all their man power/ hands, someone else would go to drive the tractor for that farmer. Troops who are healing from the war, need a place to convalesce and the manor home is opened up to take them so they can continue to get used to their conditions. And even a soldier suffering from "shell shock" gets the support of a shoulder and kind words from a coworker saying that she "understands" and giving him a story of how she can relate to his state of mind. Encouraging him not to work yet, encouraging him to heal his mind from the war. How does this relate to us today, what can we do?

My son's school had a drive for some soldiers in Afghanistan to fill a shoebox with playing cards, candy, snacks, and things along those lines including pairs of shoe laces for the soldiers. That was my first time participating in something like this drive to have goods sent overseas. Otherwise I really didn't know how else to support the troops.

Then we had a soldier in the family come home from Iraq. He too is suffering from PTSD. All I could do is talk to him when he opens up. And NOT ask about shootings over there, and the gruesomeness over there. Instead be kind and Tell him we are glad to have him home and to be a member of the family again.

Finally when my children were a little bit older we had another cousin who was overseas in Afghanistan. This time his wife had told me that he really enjoyed Polish "kabanos" snack sized sausage. It reminded him of his childhood. You can find for yourself some stories of what it's like to be in a hot desert for 30 days with only your MREs and nothing else but sand around you. You long for something from home. So sending him some Polish Kabanos was something that he could only think or dream about. Such joy for a young man away from the comforts of home, I hoped. And it was so easy for me to send it to him.

Do something, anything, to support our soldiers weather you believe in the war(s) or not! Often magazines list ideas of how you can participate thru organizations, often local churches holding drives, even your schools.

But, if nothing else, extend your hand to a veteran and say thanks. Shaking hands is so simple, so unexpected, and so appreciated!

Commentary on Downton Abbey Season 2, Episode 1 and 2.

Make Mistakes, breathe, reflect and Laugh.Out.Loud.

Downton Abby: 100 years later, are we an upstairs or downstairs society?

As I watched the last episode of Season 3 Downton Abby last night I started to think, after all these years what's become of our status in society? Who would I have been in the Downton Abbey era? As its incinuated in the show that The Era of the Abbeys won't last much longer. Technology and "modern ways" were taking over, and generations of aristocratic rule were falling by the wayside. So what becomes of the people in the "new times?" Are we living as the upstairs family would have or continuing in life as the service staff would?

Downton Abbey, the Family leads and Service follows

So I started to reflect on my own life. Interestingly enough I'm a daughter of real European aristocrat,  my father and my mom who is from a small village. Granted my parents met here in the United States, and most likely would not have met in their native homeland of Poland. As I was growing up my mother always made it a point that I knew my manners, as did my father. It seemed though that my father pushed away from the family rituals and behavior, and he was not close with his family. But my mother embraced all of the etiquette, formality and properness of it all. Even tho she grew up in a village, her Grandmother was a seamstress, and we think that her Grandmother passed down the importance of dressing well and "for the occasion." Education was important in the home as was "doing well" and "being successful" in whatever you do. She was a woman who understood the quality of fine materials. So ingrained in my mom was dressing well, appropriate for the occasion, and so on,...so she wasnt presented as a "peasent" when she met my dad - and here in the U.S. they were no longer "worlds apart."

Downton Abbey, the Upstairs Family leisurely enjoying news by the fire. 

As you can tell from reading this blog, I feel that manners and etiquette are very important. I'm constantly calling for my boys as "gentlemen, come here," but sometimes I do call for them in Polish slang term for "boys" similarly to the village people. So I guess I show I am a blend of both worlds.

Downton Abbey - downstairs, servant dinner time

Watching Downton Abby has given me so much insight into my father's world. What his parents had to lose after World War II, and what he had to relearn how to live in simplicity when he came to this country. (Instead of following his degree as a physicist, he chose to repair cameras his whole life making less than $25,000 a year. Clearly not the lifestyle he grew up with.) But one thing my father definitely maintained, was the joy and fun in his humor and wit. I would say he's an extremely witty man never answering the question directly, similarly as the Lady Dowager does, always side barring and having just the right answer, just the right way of handling things, when he wasn't being mean to someone of course.

Downton Abbey - Lady Dowager "Vulgarity is no substitute for Wit!"

So now that I have a better understanding of where aristocratic father came from, what does that tell about me? Which side did I end up on? As a mom I'm certainly doing the work of the service people. Laundry, dishes, cooking all our meals, dirty diapers, being a "wet mother" since we're still nursing baby girl, ha ha. And I spend more than one hour every day with my children, unlike the Dowager. This would definitely be the life of service. Thank God for technology, at least I have a dishwasher to be my first assistant / Daisy in the kitchen.

On the other hand my Husband and I have a higher education through to university, we've really taken a lot of love to have a beautiful home, with a wonderful landscape. We take daily walks, love books in our library at home, and have elegant fancy dinners with our family and friends often.

So am I a woman of the upper-class, who has learned how to do menial tasks, and take care of young children? Or am I a woman of service was increased her status to own a home, yet still do menial tasks and take care of children?

I guess it's easier to leave this question unanswered? It can sound extremely arrogant to say because I have an education it gives me an upper hand on those that don't? I don't think I fall in the middle either? If there is a middle? Does an education still raise us up in class? Improve handling life's issues?

But that's not to say that the head housemaid Mrs. Hughes or the head Butler Carson would not handled things wonderfully and they were in service and didn't have a higher education.

The only other thing that I have that is clearly reminiscent of the aristocratic society, is my wit. I often don't answer questions directly and instead will have some very cunning and smart remark that will neither offensed the person but it will sort of "put them in their place."

Where does this leave us? I have to say I really don't know. I didn't dabble in the finances aspect because obviously I don't want to talk about my financial situation on the Internet. But that definitely is a factor to consider if you live "check to check" or if you have something to "fall back on," that'll tell you a little bit about where we've gotten to land socially.

It's two days after writing this post: I'm in the kitchen grabbing our snacks for our outing - my eldest comes in, he's thirsty. The four year old needs me to wipe his booty, and baby girl just picked up yet another Lego for her snack / teething aid!! Can't we just leave? No, the chauffer (that's me too) needs to fetch her keys.

My conclusion: while at heart I am definitely an aristocrat and a well rounded, educated, and well dressed social lady, I'm definitely a downstairs maid / nanny who's been promoted to homeowner and mom. Thus I call myself the "Family Manager." A little education, a little free time, and lots and lots of chores!!


Make Mistakes. Breath, Reflect. and Laugh.Out.Loud

Want to live like the Downton Abbey Crowleys? Make More Time Appear so you can Do Nothing.

Do you ever watch Downton Abbey and think, I would love to live like the Granthems. Have a servant wait on you for every Little need, time for tea, take a leisurely walk, or go to a luncheon, Change your clothes for dinner, take time to write a note, call on family for extended visits and these activities ARE the extent of your day!?!

Obviously the Granthams don't have a "full-time job" or work like we do today, or have to pick up their sons from school and take them to soccer class. Then do homework and make dinner. Because of course so much is done for them. And the servants would do these "mom jobs." And the money, obviously there was oodles and oodles of money!!

But what if I told you that some aspects of this Aristocratic life is possible, even in the 21st-century. The Downton Abbey life is slow, slow, slow, not go, go, go like ours. Our days have so much packed into them it's amazing we get anything done at all. And then I stop and think: why don't I make a life for myself similar to the Granthams? Granted I can't just make money appear, but I can make time appear.

For sometime now I've been looking around my home thinking I haven't touched that (insert item here: picture frame, decorative box, fancy plate, 27 sweaters of which I usually wear only 6) in a year or I haven't done anything with my fancy dishes in two years because my life now is all about the children for me. It turns out De-cluttering our lives is definitely one step toward the Downton Abbey way of life. But the second is prioritizing what we do with our time.

If you are reading this post, please post a comment below on what you liked - or didn't  - about this read. Does the topic interest you and you want to know more? Submit a question and I am happy to tackle it.

It's funny how often a friend will comment I can't believe you have time to do all "that stuff" with your kids (blog readers know we are ALWAYS going to museum, making a project, taking a walk nearly every night after dinner, etc.) With homework and soccer and (insert errands and tasks here) it's nearly impossible to "do it all." So we don't. But in our home all "that stuff with the kids" happens because it's THE Priority!

Recently I came across a couple books at our library, one by Lisa Lynn called Life's too short to fold fitted sheets. And a few more about de-cluttering and getting organized from moms who have done it already. (I have no financial association with these books.)  After reviewing these books, and reflecting on my own life... and more importantly the LIFE I WANT to have... I realized a few key imperatives.


Here's a few steps to how we try to live an Abbey lifestyle.

Number 1: Simplify. Take a look around the house. You notice how in the Abbey there's paintings on the walls, lots of books on the shelves, beautiful simple furniture and that's pretty much it. Simplify, simplify, simplify. Otherwise there's so much to constantly straighten up and clean!! An those projects we've been "meaning to do." (See my giving up on lent post which helped me de-clutter over 40 days.)

-- I have taken the dishes that I don't entertain with and put them in storage, just temporarily. I'm not getting rid of the things that I love. I'm just moving them out of the way (until we entertain again).

-- On the other hand I AM minimizing. Because putting everything in storage doesn't solve the problem either. I limit myself to one or two bins for kitchen supplies and the rest can go into my garage sale (where the proceeds go to my vacation fund)... well, the rest ended up being donated because I don't have time for a garage sale. And the funds raised would've been $100-150. And no, that amount IS NOT worth 2-4 days of my time.

Step Number 2: Simplify with the Children. (And I can only stress the importance of doing this WITH your children.) We filtered through their toys over a period of three days. Again, the more toys there is, then the more there is to clean and straighten. And yes I did it WITH the kids, and not sneaking the toys away while they were sleeping or at school.

How we Worked with the Kids to De-Clutter their Toys.

Day 1:  We made a list of the toys that we love. You may think this step is unnecessary, but later when it comes time to start getting rid of the toys, it's great to be able to reference the list that your children wrote, to remind them of what was important to them. Because its normal as you start filtering's toys, children start to feel a certain level of anxiety and want to save this or that toy.

Day 2: start sorting. So during the process of sorting, I left them put all those "I love that toy and can't get rid of it," into a pile. After we're done filtering I let them keep three or four toys from that "I love it but it wasn't on the list" pile. This way we still get rid of the majority of toys that we don't use, but they get to lower their level of anxiety by keeping those few that they forgot that they love.

Day 3: find a home and keep it there. When we started our Montessori-esque play, we are using trays more with our toys, which helps generate less mess. (Put the toys away on the tray before you get the next toys.)

-- You see once your children go through this process, it's harder for them to go back to just collecting more and more toys. You can use this experience as a reinforcement of why we only will buy what we truly truly need (otherwise we have too much to clean up after).

Step 3: Change your mindset, Keeping it this way, Simple. (And don't keep adding to the clutter you just got rid of.)

-- On our way to the zoo my son said to me mom I saw this toy that I really want you to buy me for my birthday and he began to describe it. I interrupted him and I said "honey I don't buy you toys for your birthday. Mommy and daddy like to buy you "an experience," we go to a special museum, or the zoo, or an activity that you've been meaning to do. Maybe even a hotel overnight. We aren't buying more toys. Other people can buy you toys, but not mom and dad. Mom and dad will buy you an experience."

-- So now we've de-littered and gotten Rid of the "stuff" that keeps us busy straightening and cleaning up, and what eats up our time moving the mess and cleaning the mess. Now that you've gotten rid of it all what are you going to do with that time.

This goes for you too mom! No more kitchen gadgets, 3 more sweaters in different colors, etc.

Step 4. Making the time.

About those books, obviously there was no TV in the Downton Abbey days. And living without TV might not be a reality today. But limiting TV CAN be a reality. See my post about having a schedule which include limiting TV time. When you start to limit TV / tube time, you need to make sure you have a plan for what to do with that time. For us it's often a project, a walk outside, going into the yard. Anything and everything out and about keeping ourselves busy. For us that means no TV on weekdays - no cartoons in the am, and no TV unless we watch something during dinner (not often).

Step 5: what to do with the time.

I caution you when it comes to scheduling (or over-scheduling) activities. Each of my kids goes to school. Then they have maybe one activity that they get during the week like soccer practice and again the game on Saturday. Which us plenty!! (See my post on why education reform doesnt matter. your kids are learning plenty.) That still leaves four weekdays for plenty of that Downton Abbey slow, slow easy-going time. Time to make dinner during homework time or before kids get home from school, clean up after dinner, make a project / time for the kids, talking a walk, hitting the library for an hour, and more for fun time in the tub. Lots more time.

Since chores still need to happen, get help. 

Kids helping empty the dishwasher, so we can go outside - together!

Oh and by the way, here's my separate blog post about mom not being a slave and quality time for mom and kids. Why it's super important to involve your children in cleaning up after dinner and cleaning up their own toys. You shouldn't be the maid to their mess. They need to participate in the chores because that is the world WE live in. (Unlike this blog post about are we upstairs or downstairs 100 years later.) We don't have nannies and governesses surrounding us all the time to do it for us. This way you will ALL have equal amounts of time to share being leisurely, and not MOM'S cleaning up while the kids are playing. Instead we clean up together and have more EQUAL free time together. Simplify and you too can be more leisurely, just like on Downton Abbey.


Make Mistakes. Breathe. Reflect. and Laugh.Out.Loud.

Parents can Learn from Downton Abbey: Teaching our Kids Manners & Ettiquette (Season1, Episode 2 & 3)

I think it's become something of a loss, teaching manners to our children. Children learn by example, so does that mean we as Parents have lost our manners? Or maybe we just forget to use them.

I adore all the "proper" behavior in Downton Abbey. How refreshing to continually hear thank you, yes sir, My Lady or Miss so n so. I watch the properness of it all and I want my children to a least understand all of the etiquette so they can use manners during life's moments as needed. Perhaps dinner with the boss, meeting a girl, or when they need to make an impression!

Downton Abbey Table Ettiquette Measuring Spacing between Silverware

When you read "Snipets of What I say" it's a constant reminder that WE the parents need to lead by example, showing our kids the proper behaviors. Using a napkin at the table can't be mastered unless you always use a napkin at the table when the kids are eating. Entertaining a houseguest, and learning to share our toys, can't happen unless we show ours kids how to play with us, or with each other. And most importantly is how we answer our own child when they talk to us. So frequently I'll hear a mom answer her sons call with: "WHAT?!" I've answered my kids abruptly as well, but I always get that nice reminder when they answer ME that way! Time to self correct!!

Downton Abbey Service Receiving Line

Manners are all around us, the store clerk, the bank teller, you can witness good behaviors everywhere and that's another way to teach our own kids. I tell my son "did you see how nice that lady was, and she was so polite." My sons gotten to the point where HE can point out the NOT so nice behavior too.


The reward of all these Please and Thank You's? It comes when you least expect it. We were out at a very nice restaurant for my Babcias 80th birthday and my kids were all very well behaved. All that time and energy over the years telling them what's "good boy behavior" and "please act like a gentleman" paid off. I sat back, enjoying my glass of wine, watching my 7 year old have a nice conversation with his cousin and my 4 year old coloring with his Baba. So nice to be able to enjoy my own conversation not having to worry about my kids behaviors. They knew how to act, and felt confident at the table.

Parents can Learn from Downton Abbey: How to Teach our Children Life Values and DEEP Understanding of What's Right .. (Season 2, Episode 1 and 2)

We can learn a lot from Downton Abbey about instilling values and deeper understanding in our children. While the show is set in early 1900's England, following a sometimes stuffy and aristocratic family, who has a life of leisure, where footmen and maids do everything from cook and clean, to dressing their Lord and Lady employers. There is a tremendous amount of perspective to be gained in the amount of time spent doing, ...well... nothing!

Time spent walking, writing letters, dressing, preparing for dinner (that is getting dressed for dinner) allows for a lot of time to think. One thing time does, with extreme amounts of leisure time, it gives you the ability to reflect and consider, ponder, and gain perspective on how you want to shape your life. What are your opinions, values and how will you live those beliefs. Sometimes I think we are slipping as a society, on certain appreciation of things because we simply do not have enough time to THINK about the value of life.

It's so refreshing to see Lord Grantham and his family and servants appreciation of soldiers during the war. During dinner the Grantham family talks about and exchanges views on the happenings of the day, any news, their lives and opinions. Wouldn't it be great if we could have these types of dinner time talks with our families everyday? At our house dinner is at the table nearly every night. And even though my kids are young, and the happenings of their day is homework, tests, friend troubles and kid sized problems - we talk! And during these talks we exchange our opinions on things - "no, you can't punch your friend in the head!" - and we talk about solutions. "Yes, tell the teacher you can't see well, and that your getting glasses." It's not the 1900's stuffy formal dinner, but we get that "leisure time" at dinner to reflect on our selves, our actions, and concerns. And yes, sometimes my husband and I talk politics and the kids hear things about government, war, and the non-kid happenings of the day.

During World War I civilians in Downton Abbey felt patriotic, that there country was fighting for something they, as a whole society, could believe in. Prior to World War I, young men were very anxious to sign up for the war. (Of course that enthusiasm's also because these bright eyed boys didn't understand or ever see the horrors of war.)

Perhaps it was naïveté. Perhaps we know better today how horrible war is. With the Internet we have the instant ability to see the brutalities and the Severity of war. Even prior to the internet social media boom, and reporters who were embedded in the war with units of troops, in the 1970's people had TV and newspapers . I know it makes me cringe at the thought of a young man going to that environment. Even tho in Downton they didn't see or understand the brutality of war, there was still support in 1917. But what I have come to admire is there sheer support of the soldiers. Regardless of position in society, wealth, stature, and even with little understanding of the "front lines" there was support for those who were called to duty-- and shame for those who didn't run to serve.

How they thought of the boys on the front, how they talked about war, how they supported them (even begrudgingly at times, duty superseded opinion and convenience), how they understood the troops were sacrificing their lives, their families, and their lives to go be on the front. I wish we had that type of support for soldiers today. If there's one thing we could hold onto from the early 20th century it would be that appreciation.

Believe me when I say I am the first one who is antiwar, but I have to be able to support those who sacrificed their lives to go overseas and do other country calls them to do. I am not patriotic from that perspective. I think War should be avoided at all costs. We are such an advanced society yet we use such antiquated approaches as soldiers and murder. And if we are at war it should be understood why. Ironically all my opinions listed above on why not to go to war lack the support for our soldiers. And there's the demise of our nation. Of us. Of me. We get so caught up in opinion we forget about those who are LITERALLY caught up in the battle.

But I'm just laymen, not a decision-maker in Washington. So all I can do to support the troops is Not just in my blog, but also into deeds.

How can we support our troops? How can we show - and support as they did in 1917 - that even if we are against the war - that the troops should get our thank you?

No spoiler alerts here. At the end of Downton Abbey season one, the country is involved in World War I. At the time of course it's just considered a war. The beginning of season two, which shows that all the young men are being enlisted or already fighting in the war. The footman from downtown are all gone. And there's the sheer shock of ladies taking over men's work, women learning how to drive and do farm work. A Lady from the manor becoming a nurse. The maids serving dinner (the horror). But for these aristocrats it was doing "there sacrifice" to support the war. And the answer to how we today can support our troops, in comments, actions and deeds just like the people of Downton Abbey.

Everyone pulled together to help. Farms lost all their man power/ hands, someone else would goes to drive the tractor for that farmer. Troops who are healing from the war, need a place to convalesce and the manor home is opened up to take them so they can continue to get used to their conditions. And even a soldier suffering from "shell shock" gets the support of a shoulder and kind words from a coworker saying that she understands and giving him a story of how she can relate to his state Of mind. Encouraging him not to work yet, encouraging him to heal his mind from the war. How does this relate to us today, what can we do?

My son school had a drive for some soldiers in Afghanistan for you feel a shoebox with playing cards candy snacks things along those lines pair shoe laces for the soldiers. That was my first time participating in something overseas. Otherwise I really didn't know how else to support the troops. And before reflecting on my feeling of soldiers and war - I had opportunities to participate in such drives but I never did!

Then we had a soldier, in our family, come home from Iraq. He too is possibly suffering from PTSD. All I could do is talk to him when he opens up. And NOT ask about shooting over there, and sensationalizing the gruesomeness over there like others asked him. Instead be kind and tell him we are glad to have him home and be a member of the family again. And when he finally wanted to talk, we did, about non-war issues.

And finally when my children were a little bit older we had another cousin who is overseas in Afghanistan. This time his wife had told me that he really enjoyed Polish Kabanos sausage. It reminded him of his childhood. You can find for yourself some stories of what it's like to be in a hot desert for 30 days with only your MREs and nothing else but sand around you. You long for something from home. So sending him some Polish Kabanos was something that he could only think or dream about. Such joy for a young man away from the comforts of home... And it was so easy for me to send it to Him. (Pre shrink wrapped at the store...and a few bucks to ship it.)

Do something, anything, you can to support our soldiers weather you believe in the war(s) or not! Often magazines list ideas of how you can participate thru organizations, often local churches hold drives, even at your local schools.

But, if nothing else, extend your hand to a veteran and say thanks. Shaking hands is so simple, so unexpected, and so appreciated!


Make Mistakes. Breathe. Reflect. and Learn to Laugh.Out.Loud!