Snipets of what I say to keep up with our manners (and our sanity) Mom-isms

Mom of two boys and baby girl...OMG. I've reverted too quick comments, and getting POSITIVE words in where I can to make sure were following our manners...often. I try to say what I want the resulting behaviour to be. And keeping up with positive words instead of "no, stop it, don't do that," I try: "do this..., say it like this..., please try...," and (my favorite) "you have to earn it."

Use your words.

Yes they'll sometimes scream or argue, but I encourage them to control their emotion and then label how they feel..."how did it make you feel when your brother screamed...do you like how it feels when you are mean?...please ask for candy, do not grab." And say what they desire, from the spiderman action figure to ice cream..."please use your words...no screaming because I can't hear you...Please ask...please share." and tell them often what they did right "you were very good today,...well behaved, ...nice gentleman or this IS how a gentleman acts."

However I do NOT allow back talk, sassyness or inappropriate sarcasm. They'll hear: "please DO NOT talk to me that way... That was rude, say "I won't say that again Mom."

Showing Love

"Good job...Let's talk about that later (after the meltdown, it helps prevent a meltdown, and sometimes you can discuss when they are more calm)...Keep your hands on your own body...Show me how (to do that)...Kiss your brain...your smart cause You work hard...your sick because you have a Bug in your tummy...Give me a hug... No one kissed me today..." And when my nearly one year old babies started moving around and grabbing everything in sight, I would take the object away gently and say "thank you, thank you!" "No" was saved for dangerous situations like trying to stand in the high-chair.

I say "I Love You" all the time. "Good Morning. I Love You." "When picking up the kids from school, "I missed you today," and I"ll whisper in their ear, "I Love You." "You ate your whole lunch, the sandwich, the ant sticks (celery with peanut butter and raisins) and drank your water! Yaay!!" Big hug, followed by "I Love You."

Manners

"You forgot to say the magic word...that's not how a gentleman acts...go fart in the bathroom...ask to be excused (from the table)...say I'm sorry when you wrong someone...tell someone to "stop it" when they hurt you...use your napkin...I've told you enough to stop (insert X behaviour), now you need to earn your (insert next favorite activity on the schedule, from ice cream to bedtime book) and LET THEM EARN IT!! ...say "Good Game"...I can't see you I can't hear you...I'm in the bathroom, it's private time (when that doesnt' work, "whatever you have to say can wait!") please don't talk to me in that way....ask nicely...say please/ thank you." also I expect my kids to use titles when speaking to/about adults. Don't say Him, "you say Dad, not him."or "Who is she? Mrs. So an so?."

Participate

Tickle fights, snuggle and watch a 20 minute cartoon together, eat dinner together, ..."get me a diaper please, ...I want to play a board game, who's joining me? ...please come say hi to the baby, she missed you today... I love how you are playing nice together...show me 5 (5 minute warning)... Let your brother win, sometimes...sing: clean up time, clean up time, everybody clean up time (mom or dad help too)...keep your hands on your own body...please flush the toilet." "Let's go wash our hands." And when my older son decided to stop after the bathroom hand washing I'd say "it's like eating/playing with pee and poop on our hands ... Do you want that?" He'd ruuuuuun to wash up.

Eat Right

Veggies, fruits, breads, cheese, yogurts.... its about making better choices, understanding portions and when to splurge on a treat! "No cookies today....the tooth fairy wouldn't like that treat...what time is it now? yes, breakfast time. and when do we get candy? Yes, candy is after lunch...in the summer/ have as many Popsicles as you want, after lunch...who's having a snack...I'm having some tea, would you like some?...it's time for a mini scoop (of ice cream)."

Understand Hard Work

To us adults putting toys away is "EZ" - but to a kid it can be complicated and overwhelming. Just like if they fall and scrape their knee, yes they will be OKAY. But first we should acknowledge that they are hurt, and falling down may have been scary. Along these same lines, Say "yes that (whatever they did) was hard (for them!)... That was hard, gimmie five! ... look how many tries that took.... we have to do homework because we are learning to learn... Practice because we do it wrong 100x's and right on the 101st... it looks easy for mom, but it was hard for me once too" (kids don't want to feel they can't accomplish something, and don't want to feel under valued if it's too easy).

"If its not on the list, we don't buy it." this avoids the cries for toys and candy... But occasionally candy and ice cream DO make the list because, after all, they're only kids for a short time! As for spending their own money I offer my advice and opinion to them. But as long as the toy doesn't affect out "rules:" it's safe and doesn't affect their health, they can spend their own money. Look, if they make a mistake, and a bad purchase, that's the best way to learn - for themselves. Kids haven't learned yet that cheap toys break quickly, etc.

Go Outside

Run, jump, fall down, play, ask to play tag with new kids, go say "Hi, my name is," get dirty then come in and learn how to get clean...."outside song: line up, line up, line up, its time to go outside...pee on the other side of the tree...please check for cars...ring the doorbell ONE time, don't yell...say please....check your hands for microbugs...did you use soap?..ask if they wanna play tag...clean up time equals going outside."


These are all ways they learn to be men (and a lady) later in life. I hope they remember these phrases with love and intention.