More Questions About IT and How We Keep the Conversation Going

Earlier this year I wrote about how I'd have to bite the bullet and answer my older sons questions about sex. Since then we'be had several questions about sex, but his 9 year old questions aren't what you think they'd be.

My first post on this subject was:

Talking About "IT" with My Kids, Addressing Delicate Subjects Naturally with Kids

He asks me at least once a week: "Mom, can you come to my room (after you put the babies to bed) so we can "talk?" After I put the little ones to bed, I go to his room, seemingly more frequently lately. His questions haven't been about sex acts, except kissing. His questions have been about thoughts, feelings, and other 9 year old curiosity: 

How does kissing feel?

How does sex feel?

Why do people have kids?

Why do we say girls look sexy?

As for the "how does it feel?" Questions, I took the simpler is better approach. Well, it doesnt feel bad because then people wouldnt kiss and we wouldnt make babies. Natures life-cycle would end (appealing to his scientific mind). But of course when you love - trust - respect a special person in your life you do things that feel good. When older son pushed "but HOW does it feel?" 

"Any answer I give IS NOT 

THE EXACT right answer... but is something. 

And that starts the conversation."

I left it at like kissing mom or our family but way better, because when you lile someone you also feel butterflies in your stomach, and you get alot of excited energy passing in your body. So the excitement + butterflies + just the idea of smooching make a kiss with someone special feel like you dancing on air!

Surprisingly he was quiet. So was I.

We sat on the bed for a long, long moment. And he asked, so how does sex feel? And I said like smooching - with all those emotions following you - but we will talk about sex when your much older. I know your curious, but we have alot of time before you need to know more. (At least I really really hope so!)

Then the girls question came up, not surprisingly. My son hears the Hot Mama conversation at home: my husband often reacts to the HOT ladies on Latin TV "look at those sexy mamas." The boys giggle, dad smiles and its over. In our house sexyness is okay. We teach the kids about their bodies, loving their bodies, and about grooming how they look because my current parenting operating theory is "you are in charge of your body." How you dress, how you look, how you feel about yourself, you own those details - always! And feeling good about how you look is ok. Lovig your body is important. I want our kids to like their good looking body so they keep it healthy, and inorder to do that you need to eat healthy. Admiring other bodies - that look goood - with respect and genuine admiration is okay too. Yelling at women, whistling at men, and yelling to someone on the street "hey sexy mama" is not okay! 

And how do we draw those "appropriate" boundaries for our kids? Talking and talking and talking about it. Conversation hopeully will lead to an understanding of what we believe for our home.

Backfires does happen!

We've told our boys there is no dating until High School. We have heard unfortunately of middle school dating, and even fourth graders saying they have a boyfriend / girlfriend. What "dating" actually occurs for these grades isn't certain, but the kids are still preoccupied with things during class time with topics other then school.

My older son said he "was dared" to ask a girl out, and he did, and she said yes. "So what does that mean? Where will you go? You know you don't have permission to 'go out or date' anyone!" I don't know, he said.

This scenario lead to more CONVERSATIONS! Obviously we've reiterated our rules about dating, talked about how he ended up in this situation, and how to prevent it in the future. Yes this situation is NOT a "big deal" but if I can't talk about these types of subjects with my kids, then I won't be able to discuss simpler things - or serious ones.

He is old enough to ask questions, then he deserves an answer. Any answer I give IS NOT THE EXACT right answer... but is something. And that starts the conversation. 

My son looks to little to talk ABOUT IT. But he isn't. Now is the time so he can learn
what mommy feels is right for our home. And for him. 

Make Mistakes, breathe, reflect and Laugh.Out.Loud 

Behind the Tag Line How I Make Mistakes, Breathe, Reflect and LaughOut Loud

The Story behind the blog tag line ...

My original tag line was "The Days are Long, the Years are short," with a later added: "Enjoy every moment." All true. I witnessed how quickly my son grew, daily changes in him physically, and the pace at which he learned new things and built on those ideas blew me away. But then came my oh so many mommy mistakes. Make Mistakes I realized that I make a lot of mistakes, a lot. 

Make Mistakes

In our projects where I expected my then 2-year old to attach stickers "exactly" in the right place. In my "quick to anger"  behaviors. In how I handled situations "badly"... mistakes were everywhere. And even tho I did many things well (see other blog posts where we are having more fun than not) my personal irritation was my own mistakes. I felt bad. I felt I was a mommy failure. 

"I felt bad. I felt I was a mommy failure." 

It's a bad mix of being type A, and my Catholic upbringing. Thanks sister(s) Xavier, Vienia, and the like. But I knew I wouldn't want to stay at home if I kept feeling guilty. I think I offset my guilt with some of those crazy over the top projects. The kids scrapbooks with all our cool projects, especially "Project time with Magazine clippings" - my favorite. And perhaps that's why I always took young son everywhere, cool fun activities which he loved were perhaps subconsciously to help make up for all that yelling. (I'm rattling thru a reflection here, your living a moment of reflection in my head.) Everything's meant to be tho. You can't grow without failure to learn from. 

Reflect

I needed to yell, like I heard often in my childhood, so I COULD CHANGE. I needed to have Catholic Guilt so I COULD CHANGE and grow to not feel bad any more. And into my life came reflection. I can say it was life changing! I was introduced to "reflecting" by my husband. (It was a "new to me" and "new theory" being used by his Principal Preparation Certification Program. I started to reflect on my mommy mistakes, and I CHOSE to do things differently, from yelling at my kids, breaking the cycle in our family multi-generational get angry and yell at kids, changing how I talk (tone and words) to my kids, our approach to school, etc., etc., etc., Reflecting became a part of my mommy process. And its hard, sometimes I'd cry and my behavior earlier in the day. "How could I ...." 

I didn't always journal about it, but I did often discuss things with my hubby, my mom, some other close friends, and then  I'd often blog about those big moments. But mostly the work was for me, to acknowledge and commit to change. Yelling and criticizing is just not an option. Realizing, and then embracing, that my kids and others will do things differently and work at their own pace. And accept it!

"I discovered a better closing thought for me: I would definitely continue to Make Mistakes. Even tho I learn everyday ..."

Now, I reflect (often and on everything) and learn from those faux pas. And so, I discovered a better closing thought for me: I would definitely continue to Make Mistakes. Even tho I learn everyday, mistakes and accidents still happen, far less often, but they do happen on occasion.

Breathe 

My skill I had mastered to stop the anger was taking a deep breath, and Breathing in helped me let it go (and stop getting mad at everything). I also witnessed my younger son start overreacting to minor situations in a way older son hadn't. I knew more change needed to happen. Daniel Tiger had a great episode and song we'd sing, when you get mad, taking a deep breath & count to 5. It helped younger son and me. This step doesn't stop, and doesn't end. Anger is something deep inside of us. Sometimes warranted, and sometimes simply and overreaction, I still have some triggers, but I'm learning, and re-learning to transcend that anger, and transition it to better emotional responses instead. Frustration is okay, yelling is not. 

Laugh.Out.Loud 

I'm a crazy woman. I'm funny, I love to laugh, I love to play and have fun. I often will push "social" boundaries and live a little on the "safe" edge, to do what's write or get a laugh. Either way, I laugh at myself, often. I have to because my life can get a little,looney with my 3 monkeys. I love them passionately with all my soul! And I have to laugh to keep my sanity. The periods in between the words emphasize that's the end... The Laughter should be the final phase, to living, loving, and being with kids should often be days filled with lots and lots of laughter. I laugh out loud at myself, and with them. 

I do it all for these 3. Always worth it. 

And so... Make mistakes. Breathe, Reflect, and Laugh.Out.Loud

Celebrating my 4 Year Blogging Anniversary with The Top 4 Blog Posts

6 Years Later, these posts still roar the loudest! Thank you for your continued readership!!

I'm enjoying spending time with my kids, experiencing these early years in boring day to day activities, finding their joy while we run errands, and the fun projects and kid activities we do over-and-over-and-over at home. Raising kids has some simple joys: like when baby girl wants to hear the "put on Bumble Bee song" again. And then the frustration I know I'll feel when all 3 are in the car fighting who's song gets played first. During my short blogging experience, its 2014 and we're pushing year number 4, I've found that on days I feel like a loser mom who doesn't do enough,... That I do just that. Enough. We don't need to do more. We don't need to try EVERY Pinterest craft (although we do like to try new ones that are easily changed up with a little tweak). We simply need to keep our "routine" which keeps us sane and keeps us doing new things.

 While reviewing my posts and cleaning up labels I was pleased to find increased views (perhaps my Twitter shares is helping, or the fact that we have linked into the Insect Underworld?), and having nearly 7,000 page views is exciting for this simple mom from Chicago. 

 The Top 4 Most Viewed Posts 

My first posts stay the most popular after all these years. When I just had my first older son, I was hyper vigilant about trying to raise him to be confident. I had observed some strange behaviors in the men in my life, and my family is outnumbered by men at least 3:1 men to women. I wanted to understand what is the cause of the underlying behaviors was so as a mom I didn't repeat the issues that boys have. And so the post that you love so much came to life.

No. 1

Parenting Boys to Become Confident Men See the full post here.

My next obsession in trying to be a better mom was our Routine. Was I spending my day efficiently, we're there some mommy ideas that I could use to make even better use of my day? I wanted to incorporate school-like learning into our day. Since then I have learned that kids will learn everyday, we just need to let them observe and explore at their own pace. I used to try to "make a learning moment" and I discovered that moments will happen, as a mom I have to left my son take the time to watch the squirrel, read the book, or color when HE wants to and when he feels inspired. Granted that big lesson evolved over a few years, and big lessons were learned from his Preschool teacher. Talk about A-Ha moments. But back to schedules and routines. I knew I wanted to limit TV time, and since this post was written I would change one big aspect, I WOULD let my son watch a little more cartoons on PBS (no commercials) and watch movies at least once a week (similar to our movie nights now as a family of 5). What? Yes, limiting tube time is beneficial, Why? My older son is the only one of 3 kids who "zones out" in front of the TV. 

He's not concentrating on the show, he's literally engrossed in it. The other two younger ones don't become so engrossed. The TV can be in the background - like background noise almost - with them, unlike with my older son. I think changing this one aspect would help my son see TV as something normal, an almost everyday thing, and not something "special." Older son is 9 years old now and he no longer gets sucked up into the TV in a poltergeist-esque way. He's way more normal about watching TV, unless it's Life of Mammals, that still a regular feature flick here and he demands silence in the room as we watch so he can hear every detail being shared.

No. 2

The 2nd Place Most Popular Post 

Limiting Kids TV Time with a No TV Schedule 

See the Full Original Post Here. 

And if you limit kids TV, What should the kid be doing? There's plenty to do, as you'll see in the post.

No. 3 Two posts are tied for 3rd place. 

I started a Pinterest account for myself when I saw some friends posting the coolest kids activities on Facebook. As we started pinning Insects, I wanted to document our progress and started a Pinterest Page for this blog, find us here at Areyousureaboutthat/Pinterest.com 

The 3rd Place *tied* Most Popular Post 

Post for "Salt Glue and Paint Toddler Project" and "Sensory Bins and Bags: I spy, Ocean Blue and an African Habitat." 

These two inspirations came from Pinterest. We remade sensory bottles oh so many times... Sensory bins became my go to saving grace at friends homes to keep kids busy (when the toys we brought lost their fun). The kids would get immersed in the making of the sensory bags and would play with them for long periods of time. We evolved to using Sensory Bottles since they were cleaner (less leakage) and easier to manage to the kids. They could actually practice pouring into the small openings or use (extra fun) funnels. In our the Ocean Blue, I know the rich color of the bags.

Our 1st sensory bags - Red I-Spy complete with poem and the Blue Baby Oil Ocean Areyousureaboutthatblog
That rich color was made by mixing the food coloring with baby oil in one of the first steps. We still have that sensory bag, poured into a sensory bottle.

African Habitat Sensory Bin Areyousureaboutthatblog

The small animals in the habitat pictures helped me get a lot of click thrus from Pinterest. And yes, we have sensory bins in their holding corners that baby girl uses often even today. She prefers measuring tools to animals, and spends loads of time with them. She's even better at NOT pouring all the rice all over the floor (bonus). Younger son still occasionally enjoy the sensory bin even after he's started Kindergarten.

No 4.

The Most Researched and 4th place most Popular Post 

"Breastfeeding, A Collection of Tips from a Mom who Nursed for Several Years (okay, A Decade)." 

See the Original (yet lovingly refreshed) Full Post Here. 

When I joined the Pinterest community, I experience all the shared advice available about breastfeeding your baby. Wow, what I would've given to have had a Pinterest type of site and later app to use as a breastfeeding resource. To be able to dig thru already sourced and pinned ideas and tips... But at the same time this post was inspired. 

I am obsessive when I research an idea. And when I started nursing I had a collection of (my) issues. There was so much I didn't know. In communities around the world kids grow up seeing women nurse. Mothers, cousins, sisters, aunts... It's everywhere! I didn't have this experience. And when I did have an aunt who was nursing my two cousins, I vividly remember she closed the door when she nursed her son. It wasn't for privacy, it was her version of some of those "weird men behaviors" I mentioned I noticed in my family. My reading and research brought my a whole collection of tips and advice that I felt were untapped. NOW many of these sites are booming, but some of my tips remain unsaid. I knew I needed to keep updating The Collection of Breastfeeding Tips when my cousin, who successfully nursed 3 daughters had a problem with her 4th baby, a son. I shared my advice for a SNS supplemental nursing system tube, which saved my nursing experience with my younger son and baby girl.

So I updated the post, added some pics, and links where I could still find them. But it seems the advice and tips was better then the links (which a quick google search would help in). 

Thanks for reading my blog, about our fun and adventures.... And of course the Insects. 

Make Mistakes. Breathe, reflect, and Laugh.Out.Loud. 

Happy Halloween Book of Doom, Written by Older 9YO Son

On the day of Halloween, a snowy Friday in Chicago this year, my older son came home from 4th grade with a "Happy Halloween Dictionary / Book of Doom." he wrote it before the end of the day at his school Halloween party. I love that his vocabulary is large, but he's still working on his spelling. Werewolves was spelled "wearewholf," Frankenstein was only missing the 1st "e," and Pumkins without another "p." regardless, it's a great creative little story. It highlights his awareness of the roles of each creature, and the totality of their supposed powers coming true all in one night. I love this kid and his creativity! Happy Halloween. Book of Doom written by Older 9-year old son "Werewolves Jump at night At the moon of fright. Franknstine knocks on your classroom door. In your window bats fly. Pumpkins talk when your back is turned. Ghosts fly in front of your face. Zombies eat you one at a time. Hope you survive this Halloween. From, Older Son" Make mistakes. Breathe, reflect and Laugh.Out.Loud.

Going to the Beach on a Cold Autumn Day

Yes, we go to the Beach even when it's cold outside. We went to visit Grandma and of course Baby Girl said "Lets go to the beach." The kids were stir crazy, it's an hour long ride, we were indoors at home before breakfast and at Grandmas indoors on arrival. It was time to "get our energy out." So we did.

Safety First! Everyone gets dressed in layers, to prevent getting sick and just for the sale of comfort. We don't want to go outside and have to come straight home because of complaining "Mommy, I'm cold!" 

Mommy wears layers too, because its crazy to leave an activity if I am cold! I need to be just as prepared as the kids.

Boys and Baby Girl wear either their fitted Pajama Pants, or their long johns under their pants (baby girl has thick cotton tights). Pants are something wind resistant like Jeans or Sport Pants (not joggers). Shirts are a long sleeve shirt, short sleeved T-Shirt and a sweatshirt or sweater. Hats, gloves, scarf and a jacket. 

Is getting all this clothes on worth it?

ABSOLUTELY!!! We hit the beachfront for about 15 minutes. To escape the wind, we drove a short 1 minute in the same state park to the playground with swings and climbing area. Grandma took older son for a walk, and I stayed playing hide and seek with the 'lil ones. We were outdoors for nearly 2 hours! And time flew by!

These photos were taken the day after Halloween 2014, when we had SNOWFALL in Chicago on October 31!!! I don't ever remember a snowy Halloween. 

These photos are nearly untouched. I love that you can see the Chicago skyline on the right side of this photo. The yellow tones in the picture were the actual colors that day, great contrast against the greys of Lake Michigan (eventho that grey is sediment / dirt in the water). The Lake Michigan waves were 20 feet the day before. We guesstimated about 5' tall in these pics.  Grandma ironically said she'd be warm having on a thick sweater and thin wool red coat. She was the first one in the car, and the kids still wanted to climb the dunes... Good thing Mommy had warm layers on! Baby girl and Baba walked up to the shoreline. The water is grey because of the tumultuous winds causing the high waves, and the waves make the water bring up sediment from the floor bottom of the Lake.

Make Mistakes. Breathe, reflect and Laugh.Out.Loud

Learning about Insects is Everywhere, even at the Dentists Office

My boys are at their semi-annual dental checkup and cleaning. Mom is settling in, grabbing a magazine to read while I wait. (I'm so lucky they don't just carry the style and feel horrible about yourself lady magazines and actually carry intelligent content like Smithsonian and Kiwi.) Meanwhile my older son came across this bug book. Buzzing Insects was written by a Local Chicagoian Tom Greve. Its all about insects that sting (and don't).

We were reading the page about a Bee and a Horse "Mimic" Fly. This little boy who just finished his appointment, as is often the case with me and kids, he wandered across the room to see what we were chatting about. He loved hearing that the look-a-like bee was actually a mimic.

My older son proceeded to explain that his huge black eyes are different from a regular bee. Also the fly has 2-wings and a real bee has 4-wings (2-pairs). His mom stood nearby - as is also the frequent case - when the kids come to talk / listen to us. We love reading these books anywhere we find them because we always find a new tidbit inside for our storage bank of bug knowledge.


Make mistakes, breathe, reflect and Laugh.Out.Loud