When my older son was very little I have blogged about an idea of boys and violence, and what is considered "safe violence," You can read about that here in the post "My Son "Plays Rough" - How to Distinguish Violent Versus Rough Play. And I still recommend that documentary about "Raising Cain."
A little bit about safe fear. Walking dead is a hugely popular program right now. And I find my kids are very into playing hide and seek, and really scaring each other.
"I think all of us like to be scared once in a while, but it's most fun being scared when you know you're actually safe." The scary holiday, dressing at scary face and ideas of scary places, halloween of course has always been big at our house. I think all of us like to be scared once in a while, but it's most fun being scared when you know you're actually safe. You can enjoy this year without that feeling of horror. Goosebumps is a program that we love to watch on Netflix, we discovered it when our cousin came to live with us from Guatemala for that month. We'd watch goosebumps and my children would get startled and squeeze my arm and tell me to hold them. And then we would laugh about it afterwards because we knew it always had a scary and then funny part, and a safe ending at the end.
Safe fear is important for children to experience. They can talk about zombies and hitting them over the head with the television or shooting them in the brains with a gun as they might've seen in previews of the walking dead. It's important for children to understand what real fear is so when they do experience it in the life, which they most certainly will at some point, they'll have a concept of the feelings they have/haven't experienced and the concept of what to do when that moment arrives.
For example all this year on Halloween and preparation for Halloween my children remember the zombie mask my dad had given them the year before. They hate that mask. It is terribly scary. They told me even though I had begged and begged and begged that no, I could not dress up like a zombie from the walking dead. My make up would probably be "too good" said my younger son. I did buy a costume that was a zombie t-shirt and I asked to put it into my sons chupacabra costume he requested this year. But he overrode the piece that was the zombie part - too gross, too scary.
Finally Halloween had arrived, and to my shock and amusement. My children said that yes I can dress as a zombie next year. But the pirate costume has gone on too much and I need to change it up a little.
We went to see the new goosebumps movie that was released this year 2015. Yes we took my three-year-old. And she loved it along with her brothers and mom and dad. We were familiar with nearly every story line, except the aliens who freeze people, and praying mantis, and the abominable snowman. Those were storylines we had not seen on netflix.
Older son is getting very interested in the goosebumps books and he is starting to be done. My younger son wants to buy some of the Scholastic book fair. I said "don't you know the stories are scary?" "Yes but they always have a great ending" said my son. And that's a fear. The children explore the idea of being afraid and seriously in danger and having their wits about them and figuring out how to get out of the situation.
I don't know if this fear obsession comes back from nature were boys are determined to protect us and so we dream at night about running away from werewolves or fighting a small little rodent get me biting at our feet. It's our brain's way of processing through scenarios that could actually happen.
So when my kids are asking to be afraid, I encourage it. With in reason. My son wanted to watch scary movie, the hilarious comedy based on the screen series. So I insisted he watch the beginning of scream just the parts where the girl was home alone is getting phone calls. On the moment when the killer came in and the actual murder scene of course I covered his eyes and switched the TV channel. That's allowing fear within reason (it works for us) and pushing the boundaries of safe fear. We watched scary movie. He understood what the storyline was about. And he still slept in our bed that night. He was not happy with the scream mask that uses blood all over itself that his cousin offered him to wear for the next Halloween.
Make mistakes, breathe, reflect. And definitely laugh. out. loud.
