How to Help with Homework, School Strategies, What a Mom to Do?

The early elementary school years are about "learning how to learn." Strategies on how to read or count, because yes there is more then one way. As a new parent I didn't know what's job was when my older son started bringing school work home. I is find myself getting frustrated when he didn't complete worksheets correctly, or if he didn't understand a concept quickly or "get it." I am embarrassed because I feel I should've known better. But how? Or why would I know? No one taught me. So I am also "learning to learn how to help my kids" with their school work an what's expected.

What is Homework?

My husband and I discussed early on what our "job is as parents is" when it comes to school work. Just because he is a Principal doesn't always mean we have thought through our parenting role. Or that we agree on our roles... so we discuss, plan, reflect and readjust as needed.

Homework, in our home, in these early years means we are learning how to work hard at our school work. Mom included. Homework is not about being easy, or hard, it is about the time it takes to complete the work. About the steps involved in completing homework (sharpening your pencil, not wanting to do it when you have to, using an I-pad or book for research, etc.). Homework is "hard work" sometimes and that's okay, he is learning perseverance in times of, well... laziness.

My son brought home his reading test with a love note for his teacher. "This is not a full answer." However to my frustration she didn't review with him what a FULL ANSWER IS. So in turn, that's my job, the parents job is to reinforce ideas the child is and is not learning. And while I feel that a "complete answer" should be reviewed in class, I am happy to do it as best I can at home. Not perfect, but the best I can do.

So when we finished homework assignments that night, I had one more assignment for my son to do.

1. Read the instructions (or in this case the message from the teacher): I read to my son what the teacher had written.

2. Check for Understanding: Then I asked him did he understand what the teacher meant? "Can you tell me what a full answer is?" He said no.

3. Explain the Idea (explain what needs to be learned as best you can, simply...) I explained, again, with out being upset or frustrated because THIS IS MY PARENTING JOB what a full answer is. "A Complete or Full Answer is when you write down on the paper everything in your brain about the questions. How does the teacher know what's in your brain if your don't write it down?" We reviewed that he should write 2 - 3 sentences about the question, and suddenly he remembered learning how to write a "short answer" in class.

4. Do the work! Even though my son didn't want to, when he saw me drawing with a ruler the lines on the back of his page, "Mom, what are you doing?"
I said "I would like you to write the answer correctly."
"But mom I don't have to, we don't have to correct our test, it doesn't count."
Ha! He is still learning how "moms way" works. I said you need to "learn from his mistake. Making mistakes is important, that's how our brains learn. But we need to correct our mistakes when we can so our brain re-learns the correct way. Start Writing."

How to Help with Homework, School Strategies, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

In this photo you can see I drew three lines WITH A RULER (my son hates - or is lazy - about using his tools) so he can rewrite at home the proper answer that's "in his head." The next time he drew the lines, I cannot do this "work" for him.

The story the class read for the test was fresh in his mind. Even if we would have done this activity 1 or 2 days after the test, he would have been able to complete it. My son did have three ideas about the story he read. And he wrote three sentences (which he remembered was the maximum, "two is the minimum, mom"). If my son would not have remembered the story, I probably would've read him a short story and made up a question for him to answer. He still needed to DO the work.

5. Review The Work. We reviewed what he wrote. I asked him if he liked his new answer.

5a: Ask about their emotional state (this helps kids build confidence and make them feel good about learning and relearning from mistakes!). How did it make him feel? "Like I am smart." I said I felt "like you CAN show your teacher what is in your brain."

6. Review the old and new work. Compare them.  I read him his old answer and the new answer, and I asked him which one he liked best. He preferred the three sentences.

Learning from our mistakes IS one way to learn. As a parent I feel we just need to review school work and try to reinforce the ideas when papers come home with 100% or less. Homework is about doing the work not just about the grade.

No, my son did not have to turn in our correction - the purpose of this lesson was to learn how to do things correctly, not about the credit.


Make Mistakes. Breath, Reflect. and Laugh.Out.Loud

Old merges with New, Part II: a Proper Apology (the Steps in the Apology Process)

Family. It's something that motivates us, drives us insane at times, but will always remain deep with in us. Even when we try to run away from it we can't. We can pretend, but family is always a part of us. 

In my last post I wrote about struggles with my grandmother. Her health fears and my ever waning strength to be of any help, anymore.

I feel guilty helping her when my kids get tossed off during that hour phone call (good luck ending a call with her quickly). There is ACTUAL needs here by my 'lil ones. Actual needs to be met. But when she acts ridiculous and denies helping herself, there's nothing more I can do. 

I have learned a lot over these last few years living so close to grandmas house. More stories about everyone in the family. Having grown closer to grandma (before we grew a little further apart). I've even spent quality time with my grandfather's side of the family whom I had Never Known Existed. Imagine that...

But I'm learning. I'm reflecting on my own life as I hear so many family stories from the generations gone by. Why did so-and-so do this or that? Why can't they handle their life issues? It's a life puzzle that you piece together with stories. And then once you know, about who and why... Let that information heal you.

Knowing WHY things happen is part of the puzzle. Once your life history and puzzle questions are assembled you have a picture of the answers you've been looking for - and then, it struck me: "what are you going to do with those answers."

My tag line in this blog includes "reflect."

I reflect on the new things I learn and take them in. The information almost grows as a new part of me for a while, I digest the information, I sit with it, In my minds eye I look at it, and then I can see how I can hopefully gain some knowledge from the information. 

Usually it's by redirecting my approach with my kids. Learning from the mistakes of those around me and adding in the awesome Rules and Life lessons I've heard too!! When I see a mom screaming, I remind myself of the times I screamed, I reflect on how awful I felt, and my kid/s felt afterwards. Note to self: don't scream.

In my last post I mentioned my sons had an argument with eachotehr. While I was on the phone with my uncle discussing the most recent issue with Babcia and the results of the doctors appointment; the older son started yelling!! I witnessed my older son in frustration, after being stuck at Babcia's house for nearly 2 hours and totally off routine, and now he has to deal with hearing mom on the phone,...well he had enough! He began to YELL at his younger brother for taking a toy. I mean screaming after he lunged across the table attempting to grab it back. 

I finished my phone call with a quick "I have to call you back." 

Without yelling... I said: I think we all need a break.

1. We handled it first by "cooling our jets" and by sending him upstairs to calm down. 

2. Then I asked my younger son what he thought happened. I agree he also deserved to toy to have and play with too.

3. We all went upstairs to talk through the toy issue. 

4. I got my older sons perspective, thru some tears.

5. Next were both boys ideas for solutions to the toy matter. And mom sprinkled in some thoughts when they hit dead ends.

6. Then we went over a proper apology steps:

1. Take responsability for what you did do. 

2. Say your sorry. 

3. Offer to make amends.

7. I lived by example: I also asked for some "private time" to talk with my older son about yelling. I took "responsibility for my own actions" explaining how I yelled when he was little (between baby girls age and younger sons) and that was wrong. And that's probably why he yells. "It's normal to get mad, but we have to control our actions. Mommy doesn't yell anymore, right? Younger son and baby girl don't either, right? Because mommy's changing. I'm not yelling anymore am I? Well you also need to try to not yell too." 

I cried a little. He did too. I said I had a bad day. He did too. I said I was frustrated with Babcia, but that's no reason to yell. He said he was too. But I told him no matter how I feel I can't take it out on the people I love. "Mom what can you do?" He said thru his teared up eyes. 

"Ask for private time. Go for a walk. Go read a book. Anything to not hurt others with your pain. Leave to situation. Sometimes we just need a break from life."

We talked thru options: how to "tell and not yell." Talk try options, but If your mad you need to walk away first, and then if you can't think of how to trade toys or take turns, if that doesn't work ask an adult for help.

8. We called in the other two (who were playing in baby girls bedroom but constantly walking in on our talk [which was allowed because kids learn by observation, and seeing mom stay calm and talk it out is really really good observation]). I said older son would meet us downstairs while he figured out what to offer younger son (3rd step in the apology process). Meanwhile I coached younger son to take whatever he's given [since this is the first time practiceing this process] and say thanks, cause we can trade it for something else tomorrow. [just in case my bright ideas need a little nudge, I give a little push!]

9. Older son apologized for yelling while offering a toy up for play as an offering. 

10. After that it was clearly over. The boys shook hands. 

And I felt better. If even for a Moment. I thought after such a strange day, and "dealing with the old," I felt there was a blending in me of all the good I'd learned. I am going to teach my kids - as best I can - the better way of doing things in life. And that's a great place to be.

Make mistakes (because you will). Breath. Reflect. And Laugh.Out.Loud (or cry like I did today with my son)

Our House Rules: Concrete Rules that Teach Meaningful Values

We have house rules, as most homes do. I mean REAL RULES. I love the Pinterest posts about "Smile, Love, Respect Others, etc." These are fun and decorative ideas. But for our home I wanted concrete rules that teach meaningful values. And as we moms know, rules help provide structure and routine to a kids day - which helps them thrive. They learn what the expectations for their behavior are which helps prevent a whole range of tantrums, problems and meltdowns! Children learn their boundaries and hopefully translate them into lifelong values in the process of following the rules.

Put things where they belong, hang up your own coat, wash your hands before dinner, etc. There are times I think its necessary to repeat yourself and the rules often, like when we return home from school and I announce "shoes and coats where they belong!" But other rules should become part of the grain of the home, and what better way then to post those rules for every one to see.

When my oldest son asks, but why do I have to wash my hands I explain that we collect germs all day long. But after a few reminders he can remind himself when I catch him reading the rules :-)

Here's our families house rules modified from an excellent book (slightly outdated) called "Simplify Your Life with Kids: 100 Ways to Make Family Life Easier and More Fun" by Elaine St. James. While some parts of the book are outdated referencing listening to a cassette recorder and the like, the concept of teaching children manners around answering the phone and limiting exposure to "tube time" technology.

I also have a post about our sock bags, to help keep our kids socks organized by owner, and not having sock sorting take over my life!

One final note: you'll notice that in the house rules I did NOT include our iPad / TV limits and plan, like no cartoons in the morning, and Friday movie night. Because these are more schedule related items in our home. Whenever we sit around the breakfast / dinner table and discuss "the plan" for the day, that where these items fall into play. And honestly, our routine is so engrained in the kids, that at THIS point in our family, they know that cartoons are for Saturday mornings.

our Family House Rules

Food and Kitchen

1.           When you use a dish, rinse it and put it in the dishwasher.

2.         When you take something out of the refrigerator, the cupboard, a drawer, or the toolbox, put it back where it belongs when you’re finished with it.

3.         When you create garbage or trash, dispose of it in the appropriate manner.

4.         Wipe off the counters after you have used them. Wipe up any spills or splashes you make.

5.         You can only eat in the kitchen, outside, or the living room on plastic and with a parents’ permission, Every other room is off limits!

6.         Wash your hands before dinner, no phones at the table, and help set up/clear up the table.

Being Polite

7.         Ask permission before you borrow something that doesn’t belong to you, or someone else is using. Return it in the same condition that you found it, if you break it fess up.

8.         Bathroom time is private time. Whatever you have to say can wait until the person comes out.

9.         Don’t yell across rooms, when you need to talk to someone go to where the person is and talk.

10.      Close – don’t slam – outside doors behind you as you come in/out of the house. This includes the pantry door, closet doors and cupboards.

11.       Turn off the lights, T.V., radio, or computer when you are not using them.

12.      Take off your shoes, coat, backpack, baseball cap/hat, scarves, and gloves as soon as you come into the house. Put them where they belong right away. Wear slippers too! Help others!

13.      Tiptoe around anyone who is sleeping. Never wake others up.

14.      DO NOT BOTHER ANYONE DOING HOMEWORK!

15.      Unless the house is on fire or someone is hurt, do not interrupt anyone on the phone.

16.      When adults are talking, wait your turn, do not interrupt someone who is talking. Stand next to that person, or say “excuse me” when they are finished with their sentence.

Be Courteous

17.      ALWAYS you your manners: say please, thank you, your welcome, na zdrowie, salute, etc.

18.      If you see someone needs help, offer your assistance. This way we can all leave the house on time, stay tidy, and support one another. The other person will appreciate it.

19.      If you need help with anything, ask for help! If someone asks you for help, help them!

20.    House rules apply to friends & guests that visit.

21.      Help younger family members with these rules; show them the right way so they can learn too!

 

Rev 10/14/11

 

 

"The days are long, the years are short"

Easy Lunch Bag Notes: Mommy I Love my Lunch Note

When my older son started full day kindergarten in 2010 I wanted to expand "being with him" through little love notes. Little did I know how fashionable (and important) of a tradition this is. He'd come home and often say "mommy I love that my lunch note was... funny, made me feel happy, I liked seeing it." Seeing his joy after getting a little love note often brightened my day too.

Kids like (and need) the reassurance of their parents even when we are not around. When my older  son started preschool, his teacher read "The Kissing Hand" by Audrey Penn on their first day with the moms and dads in class. I cried as the mama raccoon kissed baby raccoon's hand and "Locked it up." And so started our tradition. Everyday at drop off I'd kiss the palm of his hand and "we'd lock up the kiss" incase he needed it later. "If you miss mama, you can always put the kiss on your cheek and it'll be like I'm right there with you."

This book reinforces the fact that our children need us, or the thought of us even when we are not with them in person. Recently I'd seen on Pinterest some website advertising a for premade lunch notes. Go for it! Some mamas just can't fathom where to start right?

We often have projects and kitchen table conversations at our home and these feed my little notes habit. Below I'm including some of the "notes series" (little did I know they became a themed series until I started taking pictures) - I keep these in a bowl, handy to grab and throw in with the days grub.

Our Lunch Notes Bowl - quick access to notes from one top of the microwave areyousureaboutthatblog

My sons pointed out thru this year his favorite notes. And sometimes I think it's not my best work, and he'll say it's his favorite yet!? Kids love the notes not because of what they have written or drawn on them, they love um cause there from mom!

You can see what we love at home is echoed in these easy peesy notes:

Some are simple post it's written the morning of the lunch packing, others were sketched and cut out while we watched movies. Then just glued onto construction paper and cut out so they have a little trim.

Most recently we added PSY who sings Gangnym Style

Psy Gangnym Style Lunch Note Sketch - areyousureaboutthatblog

Music / Song themed
We appreciate music in our home. We are always dancing and singing in the kitchen. My son LOVES the Black Eyed Peas - he thinks in Black Eyed Peas Pump It their saying "Monkey Power" (please dont ask because I have no idea?) but there saying "Louder," Theres Survivors "The Eye of the Tiger" (just because they say the word Tiger) "Who let the dogs out," by Baha Men "Shimmy Shimmy Coco Bop," by Little Anthony and "We are the ones under your bed...lyric" "This is Halloween" from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Actually my kids hadn't seen the movie, they only heard the halloween song from one of their playlists I made.

Music Lunch Notes from areyousureaboutthatblog

Favorite Cartoon and Characters
"Mom my friends say your a good drawer" motivated me to make a few new drawings for his bag.

Mom Sketches become Lunch Notes that we treasure - areyousureaboutthatblog

Just things we love including Karate, Pirates, Avatar Nations - these are doodles inspired by images from the web.

Travel
"One day til our hotel getaway" "Grandmas House for the Weekend"

About A Boy
Everyone needs motivation, so ours include: Good luck on your test today, I really like that your trying hard to help out, Take Your Time (because he always rushes thru his work which ends up sloppy), You are my Super Star (created after a particularly hard day), and my favorite "Work Hard, Leave Tracks" (on a drawing of a car I doodled all thru high school.

Little Motivational Lunch Notes - areyousureaboutthatblog

Of Course I love You Notes - areyousureaboutthatblog

Silly Jokes and Sayings

It seems almost everyday my sons comes home with a new joke. So I looked up a few of my own and quickly jot them on a post it. "What do you call a pig who knows Karate? A Pork Chop" and Motivational support "I love you" and "Have a great day - from Dad"

These notes are used in rotation and in no particular order. Which one gets picked all depends on what's going on in our lives. An even though there reusable my son looks forward to his lunch notes.

Lunch Notes Safe and Dry

As for the lunch bag I made a note slot by hot glueing (with caution) a piece of thick clear plastic to the inside of the lunch bags. This way the note stays reusable, dry, and easy to read without being handled by lunch eating hands.

Simple not sexy, A little hot glue and a homemade Lunch Note Slot - areyousureaboutthatblog

So, eventhough in December of his Kindergarten year my son said one morning as I went to kiss his hand, "mama I don't need a kiss anymore." Crush went my heart - I cried in the car. But my notes are still dearly enjoyed, for now.

It's made a wonderful difference in our house an I hope you try some of your own lunch notes too.

The days are long, but hte years are short. - Enjoy childhood with them as best you can...

My young son drives me nuts, or is it just me?

I need to simply change my expectations because I expect too much of my kids. Ya, it is my own fault that I can yell at times, and get so frustrated, over what exactly? Noise, a mess, playing rough?

My older son talks clearly, with a great vocabulary, but you know what... he doesn't comprehend concepts yet (money, time, competition and teasing). And he emotionally doesnt understand alot - like that blank stare when I yell. My kids freeze in fear - they were just having fun... why is mom yelling?

I read an interesting article about gifted kids - those who can complete complex math problems in high school, or master playing beethoven by age 8. The brain develops the "skills" but does not develop the emotional brdiges for long term success. Can you imagine the pressure on an 8 year old to perform infront of a large crowd because he is the best? Even if he loves playing, the one thing he isn't doing is being a kid. And as kids play, and face "kids play" challenges, they develop - slowly - the emotions they need to deal with things as an adult. Their "emotional tool box" which will follow them thru life.

So I reflected on this article for my own good...

Stay calm cause really no ones dying - I literally take a deep breath when I feel I am getting angry.

Ironically I did a good job teaching my 3 year old to say "I am getting angry" so we can know to respect his space. I am relearning 30+ years of bad habits - - so I need to take deep breaths!

My own mom used to say: "what's your problem?" I realize that she too didn't know how to put into nicer words: "Honey, I love you,... I know your having a hard time understanding how you feel,... let's talk about it." I realized I don't want to bring up my kids, repeating the cycle, and them bearing the same trauma as me.

Do Not Hit

We have a don't hit policy at home, that incudes grabbing ears, hair, etc. I think the need to get physical arises because my emotions where not allowed, and I was shut down whenever I wanted to speak.... so through the years that built up as anger - 0 to 10 instant anger. My mom would yell and rant through the house and if I spoke up she'd tell me to shut up and listen. I would sit in my room FUMING MAD, mumbling the worst things under my breath.  I never understood where my own anger came from until very recently.And then the final straw - I watched an episode of the super nanny, which usually makes me feel so much better as a mom, where Joan sat a dad down at kid level and yelled at him. The dad could see what a big bully he looked like to his kids. I couldnt swallow the lump in my throat for days.

My husbands mother would pull his ears! How horrible. So when hubby started doing that to our little 3 year old first son, and after I asked constantly for him to stop - guess what? I decided one day when I was within his reach, right after he pulled my son's ear, I pulled my husbands ear - HARD! Needless to say - luckily - it never happened again. Unfortunatly with habits like this, yelling and ear pulling, I think we need to take our own medicine so we know how it feels. Now my husband also takes a deep breath!

I literally take a deep breath when I feel this angry. Then I ask myself, "Is this situation so bad that I will be mad about it in 5 years?" Usually the answer is no.

The good news is... my anger is in check. I stay significantly more calm. My oldest son asks me openly "mom, why do you look frustrated?" And I am honest about what is bothering me... but I am cautious NOT to blame him. I do say things like:

"You didn't put your shoes away, and your brother is screaming, and the baby is hungry... it's alot for mom to deal with right now, but in 10 minutes i'll be okay"


As long as we continue to grow, improve, and be better parents for ourselves and for who our kids are right now this plan can work. Its so simple. And for me, for us, we are okay.

Parenting Boys to Become Confident Men

When you spend time with your son, he feels strong and he feels like he can face the world. But ironically too many of our boys grow up to be men who never feel the sensation "that he can face the world." So why the disconnect?

Parenting Boys to Become Confident Men

I have often been approached through the years by other moms who witnessed my sons fall on the playground or go through a very-likely-melt-down-situation and the boys handled it with ease. Because there's a secret to teaching boys how to stay calm and think during a crisis. There's those moments we have all experienced that are a boy type crisis-that-is-small-to-you-big-to-the-child, like a scraped knee, a fall from their bicycle, or even the dreaded "he took my toy away." As your son cries from frustration, he's actually looking to you for coping skills - "how do I deal with situation mom or dad."

It is pretty simple actually to help boys learn how to cope, or deal with their feelings. But we just don't realize that our "instinct reactions" with boys actually cause us to deny their emotions and and cause them to lack confidence. Its those times that parents and caregivers say "stop crying," or "you're okay." We regularly DENY our sons feelings, and not intentionally. It is simply how we have learned to deal with boys from one generation to the next. Parents may find themselves in this scenario.


If you are reading this post, please post a comment below on what you liked - or didn't  - about this read. Does the topic interest you and you want to know more? Submit a question and I am happy to tackle it.

Typical Scenario when a boy gets hurt:
A son, age 5 or so, falls and scrapes his knee, and tears start to fall: the frequent parents reply is something like this:

Parent: "Oh honey, you'll be fine." "It's just a scratch." (maybe he'll get a "let me see the scratch.")
And then "go play, you'll be fine," with my personal favorite "be a man."

This is one example, but you can see the point that parents sometimes initially react as if nothing is wrong...

NEW UPDATE :: YOUTUBE CHANNEL INFO ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT BLOG

Our family has had many adventures through the years. Mom, the @Minstr0Interior had an a-ha moment . . .  Suddenly I See what we will have filled our life with, ADVENTURES! We travel, craft, sing, dance, collect insects and spend loads of time together. Sometimes too much time together. Our kids have recently begun to document their own adventures, and so this channel was born. Enjoy our adventures. Or not. WANT MORE? If there is a blog post accompanying this video we will share it here. Sometimes we will include the ingredients list of the craft or recipe, or the itinerary of our trip. In the meantime click play. 

From our family: 👍 + 🙃 + ❤️ ( Thumbs up, emoji face, hearts! )

See It Live >>> 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2mGpujQIVgxdfTImFnQuLA

What just happened here? Do you think your son isn't really hurt or upset?

In summary we have just denied our sons emotions. By telling him after his fall that he's "okay," as a parent you are not even acknowledging what he feels and that he is clearly hurt (there is a scratch on his knee, even if it's small, it probably stung for at least a moment or more). So as you replay this situation, over and over through the years, unknowingly, your pushing your son away from understanding his feelings. As we tell our sons "oh, your fine" or "be a man, suck it up," you are ACTUALLY telling them "you are not hurt," "you are not angry." Over time this evolves to our boys NOT learning how to label their feelings and instead they learn to IGNORE their feelings.

Think about when you tell your son to "stop crying." Your actually telling him "you are not feeling angry, or sad." And after not being able to label his feelings , he won't be able to cope with his feelings.

Yeah. I know you never thought of it this way, right. As for the boy, he learns "oh, what I am feeling is not real, this emotion isn't happening." He is growing up confused about his own natural emotions and is becoming a confused man. Come on ladies, think about your husbands or boyfriends who can't say 'I love you' or who can't answer your questions in a heated discussion. Yeah, this is why, cause his mom didn't acknowledge his feelings as a boy (so why would he suddenly be able to face those emotions as an adult?)

I'm not saying over indulge the situation because that's not healthy either...but here's a few basics to try: (even for older children this works.)

How to help your son through a Crisis (a fall, or tears for any reason):

1. In any situation where your son is in "crisis," give a hug!

Without saying a word you are acknowledging his feelings (he's hurt, or afraid of what just happended, and that hug says "I know your hurt.") Hugs are a simple, no cost and quick way to show your son "I'm proud of you," "I love you" (great for those dads who find these words hard to say) and the hug acknowledges what your son is feeling in that moment.

{As an aside if your son is crying and is so frustrated he won't stop crying, I tell my boys to go into another room until they are done crying. I'll let them cry for about 5 minutes, and then I'll go in to try and comfort them. EVEN if my son is crying because he did something wrong, it is our job as the parent to teach him HOW to deal with the situation and help him through it. Sometimes you may want to skip over what occured or why he was crying, but you will see in step 4, we always need to talk the situation over with our kids.}

2. Acknowledge the fall or situation: you say "I saw you fall, are you ok?"

Or you can ask where it hurts if you didn't see the fall. Accept your sons emotions - and resist ignoring what your son feels by quickly saying "your okay" as he's crying!! Yes, I know his hurt may be minor ("that kid took my toy away") and you the adult know this isn't so serious, but to a little boy that moment of crisis IS the end of the world. And its your job to help show him how to deal with it.... And DON'T tell him "you'll be fine" until step four. Right now the objective is to recognize and label your sons feelings "Son, I see your are hurt," or angry, frustrated, etc.

3. Label the emotion and Ask if he needs anything.

Believe it or not after such a simple injury they'll usually run off and play (instead of standing and screaming for extended periods). Offer to clean the wound, even a bandaid if it's handy, again the goal is acknowledging his feelings - by following these actions your saying "I know you are feeling {insert emotion} hurt/sad/angry." Or offer a sippy cup or a Popsicle, sometimes that is soothing enough. Even for a purely emotional crises, a Popsicle heals so many "wounds."

4. After he's calmed down you can talk about what happened.

And this is CRITICAL - ask him "how did this fall/situation make him feel? And if he can't label his feelings like "Im sad, or I am angry," you can help him label what he feels and say "I can see you are upset" or "I can see you are embarrassed because you fell."

Then you can explain briefly HOW to be more careful so this doesn't happen again (don't just say be more careful, that's so abstract to a little boy, even to a teenager). You can reassure him at this point that "you'll be okay." (He will feel so relieved knowing his scraped knee doesn't mean he needs to have his leg amputated.) And I said briefly, because your son will eventually run off to play, and his brain continues processing this situation. He might at some point, ask you questions about what he just "survived" (for him it was survival...).

The Aftermath

If you follow these steps you will find over time your son will simply run over for that hug, and then run off. He will be more confident even at a young age. I live this philosophy with my boys and they truly adapt well in uncomfortable, new, or scary-to-a-kid situations. Even doctors visits with vaccines are not overly traumatic. There's a quick yelp instead of screaming drama, this philosophy will
transcend your parenting nightmare situations! Really.

Hopefully later in life, your son who has been coached thru his feelings will later be able to deal with them.

If you are reading this post, please post a comment below on what you liked - or didn't  - about this read. Does the topic interest you and you want to know more? Submit a question and I am happy to tackle it.

Post Script July 30, 2012

Watching the London 2012 Olympics Men's Gymnastics, and they keep making mistakes. Surprising mistakes that high trained athletes don't make!! Then an announcer said that "emotions run high at these events, and you can feel their excitement walking up to their performances." Then after the errors they said "it must be the enormity of the situation." Those men (young teenage- 20 something's) could very possibly be unable to deal with their emotions. It's not all the men who were struggling... But those who couldn't control that excitement made the errors. Knowing what I do from my children and the countless other boys in our lives... My theory holds a strong case. Go Men's Gymnastics... Cheering hard for you.