Showing posts with label the parents job. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the parents job. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 7, 2019

Kids Sleep Away Camp Simple Notes to Send Home FREE Template

Our Kids are going to Sleep Away Camp and I wanted to pack some Simple Notes to Pack in There Luggage.

Every site makes you sign up to get free templates.

I don't need anything fancy in the notes, I live in reality,... the kids are gonna be super busy.

So in a moment of free time I retyped up the best of these to stuff in there notes. I am including a postage paid return envelope so they can send it back to me....

Kids Sleep Away Camp Simple Notes to Send Home FREE Template


We love to share. No sign up FREE Templates. Click the link in google drive for our Are You Sure About That Blog Camp Stationary Notes to Send Home Free Template and download the file for yourself.

Kids Sleep Away Camp Simple Notes to Send Home
FREE Template

Yes we give away this Kids Sleep Away Camp Simple Notes to Send Home FREE Template

Download in word or make a copy to your google drive.


You can customize this by priniting on camp or scrap book stationary, add stickers, personalize with your name, campers name and so much more....

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Happy Camping



Friday, September 26, 2014

Is a square a rhombus? When Everyday Math makes mistakes

Everyday math: please correct this serious mistake!
It's only week number three of the school year, and we are reviewing things we my older son should've learned in 3rd grade, here it's parallelograms.

In unit 1 study links (homework page) 1.4 question 2a. The question: Is a square a rhombus? My son brought home tees review sheets which lacked pictures of parallelograms and some further explanations. Using some of my mommy resources I pulled out a geometry book I had from my brothers recent High School SAT / ACT prep books, I tore out the relevant pictures and tapes them to the fridge, including some definitions of squares, rhombus and rectangles. These items may be in my sons fourth grade text book, however he hasn't been encouraged to bring his text book home.

Homework sheet, study links in Everyday math
Is a square a rhombus? When Everyday Math makes mistakes by areyousureaboutthatblog
Is a square a rhombus? When Everyday Math makes mistakes, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.


(As an aside, this was a good opportunity to build our vocabulary on Polygons, and the names of other many sides shapes. We googled a list and mom hand drew a chart for the fridge. Part of "moms homework" my son needed to review these Polygons daily and into week two I was quizzing him on the names.)

Our homemade homework supplement, a picture guide to polygons
Is a square a rhombus? When Everyday Math makes mistakes by areyousureaboutthatblog
Is a square a rhombus? When Everyday Math makes mistakes, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr


The premise of this study link is a parallelogram is a quadrangle that has two pairs of parallels idea. TRUE! However there's a second factor not covered here, and that's a square has four-right angles as well (it's really a 2-part definition you can see in the geometry books definition).

Geometry book helper page
Is a square a rhombus? When Everyday Math makes mistakes by areyousureaboutthatblog
Is a square a rhombus? When Everyday Math makes mistakes, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

I realize the objective was to help students understand in this specific lesson that a square is a quadrangle (a 4 sided object) ... However the answer is not YES as the answer guide dictates.

The answer sheet
Is a square a rhombus? When Everyday Math makes mistakes by areyousureaboutthatblog
Is a square a rhombus? When Everyday Math makes mistakes, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr


Drawing certain conclusion based on similarities is fine, however generalizing is not. Or removing portions if definition isn't right either. The definition of a square, and a rhombus, was coincidentally on our fridge sheets. I encouraged my son to write the correct answer - No, and write our definition. The parent guide stated the opposite and I didn't eat to encourage him learning a wrong fact, for the sake if this one work sheet, to only relearn the information (hopefully) in a later grade.


Make mistakes, (fix them) breathe, reflect and Laugh.Out.Loud.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

When School Homework is Frustrating... why do it at all?

What is homework for? Is it just there to torture us parents? And our kids. Homework - as my Principal husband reiterated with me every year - is about building study habits. As a secondary element, it's supposed to reinforce what was learned in class that day. I totally understand the idea of building a study habit, because the kids that go to really great high schools don't whine and complain about homework. They also have already built the habit of school books and working at home in elementary school, so when homework is reading in preparation for the next days lesson, kids have the habit of actually doing the reading. (Not like me in high school, winging it from in class notes and not doing the reading.) So I've asked myself is elementary school homework all preparation for High School and college?
I don't always agree with my highly trained hubby. He is brilliant in his work. And he advocates for the children All.The.Time! However, as I am living the parent side of the experience. And I am opinionated, we will often discuss things at home. Poor guy!

We discussed which school to send older son too when contemplating Kindergarten. Private catholic school, CPS, or a gift school? Even homeschooling?  Ultimately, regardless of our pick of which school to attend, our conclusion was:

1. We can't replace the 7 hours of the day at school and rehash the day's learning at home in the evening. Therefore, we need to pick a school with solid teaching during those 7 hours.

2. Schools cannot possibly teach EVERYTHING. Some topics are broad strokes, covering the "big picture." Some concepts will get a "drill down" for a deeper understanding on concepts. But No Matter What the learning during the day - broad or in depth - we will have to supplement at home. Period. 

3. A lot of time at school is "eaten up" by routines to just get to what we need to learn. Taking 25-30 kids to the bathroom takes 15-20 minutes (by the time they line up and settle back down in class). So should the actual 5 ish hours of learning be done at home? Homeschooling isn't the answer for us either. I cannot replace a veteran teachers knowledge, nor a new teachers enthusiasm. I'm clever, but I'm not a mathematician who's arguably taught these lessons many, many times, developing an expertise.  And for us we recognize the social needs being addressed too. You'll see next how kindergarteners learn to listen, follow instructions, and ultimately grow on in grades to be good citizens. School is necessary.... But I can supplement at home.

So no matter what school we chose, I have a job at home. . . And I can attest this is true for Private and Public school!

When School Homework Gets it Wrong by areyousureaboutthatblog
When School Homework Gets it Wrong, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

As Charlotte Mason fans will attest, conducting a "study" of subjects is truly in-depth learning. Sometimes I feel our education system just scratches the surface of ideas. So my job has become to build on school topics, making my kids understanding of things richer and deeper. Supplementing with art projects, redoing a science experiment, borrowing library books, and going to museums to SEE and touch the dinosaurs, taxidermy animals in their habit, getting actual size perspective, etc.

That's where Homework plays a critical role for me as a parent. I can see daily, what they study, and the work they bring home, which helps me build my bridge to supplementing. I also needed to learn through the years, in addition to WHAT their learning at school (where I think most of us parents stop school thinking at) to really grasping HOW the kids are learning!!! And regardless if you do more work at home, WHAT and HOW kids learn is imperative to their success. And it's a great conversation for helping your kids at Parent Teacher conferences!!! See my 2 questions to ask at Parent Teacher conferences for more school learning tips.

HOW kids learn & What they learn by Grade - An Outline

Taking the information I've learned from my Principal husband, and my own obsessive reading of education publications, articles reviewing education studies, and witnessing education in action with my own kids, I've observed various school objectives. In the primary grades K-2, kids are "learning to learn," and I've blogged about that concept before. In Kindergarten kids are learning to pay attention to the teacher, following instructions. Classroom expectations (timeliness, tardiness, quiet time versus a louder interaction) and behaviour is learned as is handling differences with students. Then there's starting the basics of learning to write (recognizing letters, matching upper and lower case, understanding words are made up of letters, then letter formation, and so on), holding crayons, coloring with "lots if color and lots of detail," and coloring in the whole circle all the way to the line. Letters, and writing are the steps to "Learning to Read." Phonics and letter sounds start here, identifying pictures and the words that relate to them, and sight words starts here and continue through 3rd grade.

These coloring to the line builds to a concept of writing in 1st and 2nd grade, to write letters on dotted line starter sheets, that all touch the ground, and the uppercase "L" touches the SKY, and the lowercase "n" touches the fence. These years there also "learning to learn" math. That your not just reciting numbers, but Math is always counting something. Counting on fingers, number lines, marbles, blocks, and other support tools. Later in the year kids group blocks to SHOW 2 blocks + 2 blocks = 4 blocks.

By 3rd grade the basic Addition Math Facts should be nearly memorized 1 through 10. 1+0, 1+1, 1+2, 1+3,...2+0, 2+1, 2+2, 2+3,...all the way through 10+0, 10+1, 10+2, 10+3,...to 10+10. And there strategies for learning starting with "rules" like anything +0 is always the other number itself, for example 1+0=1, and 1,435+0 =1,435. I always wrote down the numbers in addition to reinforce verbally talking about it. Kids need to SEE and HEAR what the rules are. Then we learn doubles, an memorize them: 0+0=0, 1+1=2, 2+2=4, 3+3=6, etc. Once my son memorized the first group to get them right 7 or 8 out of 10 times asked, we moved on to the next set of 3 or 4 doubles mixing in the first group. This took about 3 months of work.

By 3rd grade kids are "Reading to Learn." But we cannot arrive at reading books to learn concepts with out the first two learning levels: learning How To learn, learning How To read. If you knew these concepts before today - your are an awesome parent. If you didn't, now you do, we parents are learning to learn to! Along with our kids - were learning HOW and WHAT they learn to help them along the way.

Homework, What's It For?

However, study's show that homework habits truly don't start until just before the middle school years. And to adopt progressive education and accept what studies have found this year the CPS Elementary School Alexander Hamilton has done away with homework for Kindergarten through 3rd grade, with plans to expand through 5th grade next year. I applaud this Principal for taking action. And we will see how this test case works out... time will tell the benefit of this behaviour. [In our home we would still read 15 minutes every day. Craft and play outside. No homework WOULD NOT be replaced by T.V. and iPads!]

Where does that leave me? If homework holds little value for my now 4th grader older son, yet carries weight on his grade, what to do?

-- First, we use it as "our time". He can add in details of his sharing his day, which the homework triggers memories from earlier in school day.

-- It IS habit building. So I add it to "it's YOUR Responsibility list" of his things to do at home. He has to do it, or his grade will suffer. And in life, I tell the kids, sometimes you don't have a choice of WHAT you can do, but you CAN choose your attitude, and if you do it well.

-- I also use it to build his self worth and pride. If the worksheets "wrong" he has the choice of erasing and doing it again, or getting the "F" - yes really, he makes that choice. I can't force my kid to love school, but we can teach them to be passionate about their QUALITY of work.

-- I can see if he learned that days topic at school and if he "gets" the subject being learned. If yes, we reinforce it a little. If he's struggling, like in multiplication in 3rd grade, we supplemented with math board games, online games like IExcel websites, dice games, etc. Then I'd "enrich his learning" by showing real life math examples - always - when he's just learning / struggling / or mastered a subject. I have $1.00, how many $0.39 cent apples can I buy to bake our apple pie this weekend? I need 4 pears for poached pear dessert, and there $1.00 each. How much are they (multiplication)? I have $5.00, when I pay for the pears, Not including tax, what is my change (subtraction)? (Math becomes Sociology / Economics conversation follows with "Mom, what's tax?" ... Supplementing continues in conversation and throughout our experiences together.)

Sometimes schools aren't 100% spot on, and in life what is 100% accurate? I'm Type A, and extremely detailed admittedly at about 93%. We work with what we have, and do our best to turn learnings, homework and the pain of it all, into lessons and life skills.

Much more on my switch to enrichment and Charlotte Mason like supplementing through Nature Study, Art Study and more in depth learning to follow over the next few months.

Make mistakes. Breathe, reflect, and Laugh.Out.Loud.

Saturday, March 8, 2014

How to Help with Homework, School Strategies, What a Mom to Do?

The early elementary school years are about "learning how to learn." Strategies on how to read or count, because yes there is more then one way. As a new parent I didn't know what's job was when my older son started bringing school work home. I is find myself getting frustrated when he didn't complete worksheets correctly, or if he didn't understand a concept quickly or "get it." I am embarrassed because I feel I should've known better. But how? Or why would I know? No one taught me. So I am also "learning to learn how to help my kids" with their school work an what's expected.

What is Homework?

My husband and I discussed early on what our "job is as parents is" when it comes to school work. Just because he is a Principal doesn't always mean we have thought through our parenting role. Or that we agree on our roles... so we discuss, plan, reflect and readjust as needed.

Homework, in our home, in these early years means we are learning how to work hard at our school work. Mom included. Homework is not about being easy, or hard, it is about the time it takes to complete the work. About the steps involved in completing homework (sharpening your pencil, not wanting to do it when you have to, using an I-pad or book for research, etc.). Homework is "hard work" sometimes and that's okay, he is learning perseverance in times of, well... laziness.

How to Help with Homework, School Strategies by areyousureaboutthatblog

My son brought home his reading test with a love note for his teacher. "This is not a full answer." However to my frustration she didn't review with him what a FULL ANSWER IS. So in turn, that's my job, the parents job is to reinforce ideas the child is and is not learning. And while I feel that a "complete answer" should be reviewed in class, I am happy to do it as best I can at home. Not perfect, but the best I can do.

So when we finished homework assignments that night, I had one more assignment for my son to do.

1. Read the instructions (or in this case the message from the teacher): I read to my son what the teacher had written.

2. Check for Understanding: Then I asked him did he understand what the teacher meant? "Can you tell me what a full answer is?" He said no.

3. Explain the Idea (explain what needs to be learned as best you can, simply...) I explained, again, with out being upset or frustrated because THIS IS MY PARENTING JOB what a full answer is. "A Complete or Full Answer is when you write down on the paper everything in your brain about the questions. How does the teacher know what's in your brain if your don't write it down?" We reviewed that he should write 2 - 3 sentences about the question, and suddenly he remembered learning how to write a "short answer" in class.

4. Do the work! Even though my son didn't want to, when he saw me drawing with a ruler the lines on the back of his page, "Mom, what are you doing?"
I said "I would like you to write the answer correctly."
"But mom I don't have to, we don't have to correct our test, it doesn't count."
Ha! He is still learning how "moms way" works. I said you need to "learn from his mistake. Making mistakes is important, that's how our brains learn. But we need to correct our mistakes when we can so our brain re-learns the correct way. Start Writing."

How to Help with Homework, School Strategies by areyousureaboutthatblog
How to Help with Homework, School Strategies, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

In this photo you can see I drew three lines WITH A RULER (my son hates - or is lazy - about using his tools) so he can rewrite at home the proper answer that's "in his head." The next time he drew the lines, I cannot do this "work" for him.

The story the class read for the test was fresh in his mind. Even if we would have done this activity 1 or 2 days after the test, he would have been able to complete it. My son did have three ideas about the story he read. And he wrote three sentences (which he remembered was the maximum, "two is the minimum, mom"). If my son would not have remembered the story, I probably would've read him a short story and made up a question for him to answer. He still needed to DO the work.

5. Review The Work. We reviewed what he wrote. I asked him if he liked his new answer.

5a: Ask about their emotional state (this helps kids build confidence and make them feel good about learning and relearning from mistakes!). How did it make him feel? "Like I am smart." I said I felt "like you CAN show your teacher what is in your brain."

6. Review the old and new work. Compare them.  I read him his old answer and the new answer, and I asked him which one he liked best. He preferred the three sentences.

Learning from our mistakes IS one way to learn. As a parent I feel we just need to review school work and try to reinforce the ideas when papers come home with 100% or less. Homework is about doing the work not just about the grade.

No, my son did not have to turn in our correction - the purpose of this lesson was to learn how to do things correctly, not about the credit.


Make Mistakes. Breath, Reflect. and Laugh.Out.Loud

Thursday, February 27, 2014

What can parents do to help kids with Standardized Test Anxiety ? And now with the PARCC test too.

Standardized testing is a part of our educational system. And ISATs are the current hot topic. But there is a real issue here for me. My son, who usually isn't high anxiety is feeling EXTREMELY anxious about the ISAT. And anxiety is NOT the norm in our home. What can parents do to help kids deal with ISAT anxiety and testing? 

Some parents choose to opt-out their kids from taking the test, Sun Times Article and Progress Illinois. Most parents remain the all frustrating neutral and "do nothing," but I won't stand by and ruin my sons emotional well-being.



My parenting role is summed up in my blog introduction: "...and now I need to teach them some basic survival skills, so my children can be successful adults. These blogs are about my observations in our day to day lives, and how I use them as teachable moments." Are ISATs a teachable moment. NOT really, but they are an opportunity to help with some ANXIETY AND STRESS related coping skills.

I should say my "wife of a Principal perspective" is blended. Obviously I want to support my child and get the best education for them. And I want to support my husband and "tow the line" for the school. Can you say Dilemma? His perspective, while highly trained, and understanding of the "system" and often right, doesn't mean I agree. and so this blog post on my perspective and our home balancing act.

If you are reading this post, please post a comment below on what you liked - or didn't  - about this read. Does the topic interest you and you want to know more? Submit a question and I am happy to tackle it.

Here's some facts about ISAT from the CAN TV special presented by Friends of Goethe Elementary called "Is it time to ICE the ISAT."

This is not an endorsement / nor an opposition. Instead I like reading and seeing the issues from all sides. And this is one that is well versed: 

Fact: ISAT data is not used actively in teacher meeting. It's all quantitative. You shouldn't have to count and divide and get percentages to measure projects.
Fact: alternatives AUTHENTIC assessments work: project based, portfolio based, group projects, countless measures exist. These assessments aren't data based but they are real and credible.
Fact: prepping for the test squeezes time out of our school day. Remember the extra hour we fought for to add to our shook day... It's being wasted on ISAT prep.
Fact: teachers are in classrooms 7 hours+ a day with our kids. They know instinctively who "gets it" and who doesn't. We do need to rely on teachers, they are NOT the bad guys.
Fact: ISAT testing doesn't support modern teaching like differentiated instruction. A fill in scanted bubble test DOESN'T support differentiated instruction.  If a student John Doe isn't a good writer, or struggles in reading, ISAT DOES NOT measure his grade level knowledge. Period. 
WHY should parents care? If the above bullet point FACTS and information about the ISAT testing issue IS NOT enough, consider the impact on your child/ren(s) learning and what they LOSE during test prep. 
I think often as parents we "don't know" what we "don't know" (taken from the SWOT analysis) aspects of education system. And that's OKAY, your job isn't to be the expert. But you do need to know the minimum on what's expected: 
1. talk to you Child and 
2. Teachers. You can make a tremendous positive impact to help your child/ren.


This May or May not be you as a Parent: 

My favorite position in all this chatter is most of us, the parent who feels neutral. The no-action parent. The majority of parents aren't "opting out" of the test. The majority are simply going with the flow following the path as dictated by schools. I ask you, the neutral parent to consider your child' classroom. As a parent, I simply like to see what is and isn't happening as they learn. If my child is getting great classroom methods then I will be less stressed about testing.


What is your child/ren LOSING in their education (and sanity) when instead if school work they are working on ISAT test prep?  

  • Children aren't working in small groups
  • Children aren't working on projects
  • Children aren't learning new material
  • Children ARE being exposed to anxious teachers
  • Children ARE being exposed to teachers pushing them to do well on a bubble test.
  • Children should have teachers pushing them to do well on {INSERT ACTIVITY} instead of the mundane and outdated ISST test.
  • Children ARE feeling the anxiety if a test that simply ranks them. And this is the man reason I am taking action... With my kids.
  • Again remember that extra hour in the school day we all advocated for/against, ya it's being used for ISAT prep.
  • The ISAT issue is a beautiful problem, it addresses the problem of bubble test assessments, non-differentiated, non-stimulating, no data benefit assessments.  

Testing issues instead help us opens the conversation about what we SHOULD be doing in the classroom. Read here about Finlands no-assessment high-achieving-students educational system.
and additional scholarly articles on Finland's ed system.

This isn't the individual schools fault, the principals, or the parents on either side. It's an issue in education - how do we measure performance... and so the debate continues.


My (not usually) Anxious Son

So back to how this all started. In NOVEMBER my 3rd grade older son came home telling me "mom, I March we are taking the ISAT test. It's a very important test!" I didn't say much, or ask yet, "what does that mean son" and let it go. Nearly every month his teacher (who in my opinion is not at fault here) would give this same schpeal to the class. Over winter break something triggered him and for 3 days, instead of enjoying time away from school he was already feeling anxious about the test.

My Third Grader started worrying:
"What happens if I don't do well?"
"Will I get a bad grade?"
"Will I stay in the 3rd grade?"

I calmly reassured him, "Nothing will happen." And really nothing would happen. My replies:
"I'm sure you will do well."
"Why are you thinking you'll do badly."
"You get good grades and work hard on your tests and projects. Why would you do worse on the ISAT?"

He said "because it's [the ISAT] more important!" 

What? Now I'm frustrated! The ISAT IS NOT more important then your day-to-day work!! I explained this to him and in an uber calm tone of voice.

Granted this is anecdotal, but my Facebook and Twitter Feed is blowing up with friends and acquaintances from my professional life, consulting career, clients (and yes high school friends) from all races, income levels, and genders, who's kids are having anxiety about this test. This anxiety unites us. This frustration in our kids unites us NEUTRAL parents. 

The pressure Administrators and Teachers feel is bleeding all over our kids. Not in every school but in our last school it did. As adults in the school system they should KEEP QUIET about the "All important" test. Children DO NOT understand the "importance of it." It is Not a measure of children's performance. It is NOT a measure of the children. It is a measure of the Teachers and Administrators success in teaching what has been expected. Thus my frustration. My kid shouldn't be the one to fret or feel pressure. If he IS learning it will be so reflected.


What can Parents DO about the ISATs?

My older sons anxiety about ISAT is completely school driven! So I need to counter balance that anxiety with calm. I am not an overly calm person, so I work INTENTIONALLY to help ease his concerns.

My talking points with my son are below. But in this category - parents can do even more.

STEP ONE: Just one clickSimply sign the petition to end the ISATS - please click here to electronically sign the Scrap the ISAT in Illinois petition at Change.org and the petition is one the RIGH HAND SIDE of the screen. It IS EASY TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!

STEP TWO:
I tell my ISAT Anxious son:

  • I expect you to do your best on the ISAT.
  • I expect you to make mistakes on the ISAT just like we make mistakes in life everyday. (See my philosophy, which educational studies support drive, mistakes ARE how kids learn too).
  • Just like with all tests you must get a good night sleep and eat a big breakfast.
  • UNLIKE with all tests - this one you can't study for. For this test just do your best.
  • The ISAT IS NOT the most important thing in our life. We DO NOT prepare only for the ISAT. You sill have spelling homework, math home links, grammar and reading logs and book reports to complete. Not to mention your responsibilities at home and play time. We will First, work on our homework. Second, study for non-ISAT tests and spelling words. Then, if we have time we will review your ISAT practice sheets. (Since the intention of the ISAT is a measurement of what kids should "know," and my son is overall performing at an A / B grade level, we will focus on our work. That should suffice and I am following the intention of the test. As an aside, we believe in play based learning at home, here is a post on that way of learning in action withy kids and to more information on the subject.)
  • If you are struggling with certain concepts, simply "more hard work" isn't enough. We will look at new ways to teach you the concepts you need to learn (work with teacher as needed, but during ISAT). Effort + New Strategies + working Hard.
My job here is to stay level headed about this ISAT test, and help balance my sons life. I don't believe in opting out. Partially because the education system doesn't support it - kids are expected to play quietly in self-directed activities while the rest of the class preps for ISAT.

"Parents should be informed that there will be no alternate instruction 
given during the assessment and that children who are not being assessed 
will be required to engage in a silent, self-guided activity while their 
peers are being tested."


  • In addition, in our local neighborhood school we have nearly  ZERO parents opting out. This isn't an issue for my son I have to contend with and be teased by kids because he doesn't participate. Which we will probably not opt out. My son would get the social ramifications, not me.

I take this ISAT anxiety issue - because this is about my son and not the test - and treat is like any other problem we face. I help him cope with it. We talk about it. No he can't simply "blow it off" because in life we can't always run away from the problem. But we can face the problem and talk about options we have to deal with it.

ISATs are taking place next week. Since winter break my sons anxiety level has fallen... Leaps and bounds. He's still anxious, but on a scale of 1 (low) - 10 (high) he said he's about a 2 or 3. That's great with me! Again it's an important test for the school, therefore not HIS priority. He should try to do well, but it's not career ending is he fails. 

Original post February 25, 2014

Make Mistakes. Breath, reflect. And Laugh.Out.Loud


Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Do Not Hit back, Our BIG BOY VOICE Bully Strategy, for the early Primary Years

When my oldest son was a kindergartener some of the older kids were teasing him, almost bullying. They wouldn't let him "be darth maul when playing star wars" or similar scenarios. They would tease him, or tell him his drawings or activities weren't nice. And it was something mean everyday.

Right away my husband said when situations would arise, or if a boy pushed my son, "hit them." I'd rather we be a not hitting household, unless our kids are hit first. And yes my husband was kidding (until they hit High School right?) So when the picking on our son turned to pushing, physically pushing at recess, we knew we needed to empower our 5 year old son.

Our "don't hit 'big boy voice' bully strategy."

Yes, we spoke with the teacher, but teachers cannot be everywhere all the time. And room moms are mostly on the recess lot. In life my son will need to know how to stand up for himself. So after we tried the teacher route, this strategy evolved.




Handling Kids who push, hit, and bully in the early years...

1. Husband said tell them to stop..."Don't do that to me" Clearly, telling the kids what to do is important. But my son wasn't understanding his cute kindergarten voice didn't cut it.

2. I thought of the "use your big boy voice" when telling anything to the kids that tease.  This made a big difference. Our son physically would change his posture and felt empowered in not only with his words but his voice as well. But one kid, the oldest, wasn't stopping, and we struggled with a way to allow our son to handle it. Yes, he can tell an adult, but as he ages he will need to know what to do himself!

We practiced what a "big boy voice" is... many times, with mom and dad and grandma. Practice helps when it is time to actually DO.


If you are reading this post, please post a comment below on what you liked - or didn't  - about this read. Does the topic interest you and you want to know more? Submit a question and I am happy to tackle it.


3. My mom said (Baba Babcia Ula) to help get the kids attention, our son should "touch the kids arm."  Brilliant. This allowed for a sense of intimidation without hitting. Yes, it took courage from our son to get that close to the kid too.

Touch has a very powerful effect. Imagine as an adult when someone touches your arm. You notice the touch. You pay closer attention to the person touching you as a side effect or the touch.  They are also "in your personal 4 foot space" and you will notice them for being so close too.

Eventually a situation came up, and my son said he "knew what he had to do." It worked - one day at recess, when the boy was mean, our son just walked up, put his hand on his forearm, and in a firm, not yelling voice said "Don't do that to me!" and walked away. Instantly, they stopped being mean to him. Granted he didn't always get to play the character he wanted, but the "meanness" from the other boys stopped.

It never happened again!

Make Mistakes. Breathe, reflect and Laugh.Out.Loud!

ONE YEAR LATER
Post Script: One year later, in the first week of First Grade, on his own my son remembered this strategy. Some kid shoved him while playing tag. He used this strategy and firmly held the boys arm and yelled "DON'T DO THAT TO ME!!!" and the boy stared in amazement. A classmate said: "I was gonna tell, but you made him cry." After the pusher stopped crying, my son went to the pusher and said - we can still play, so they continued playing, all 3 of the boys.

Friday, April 8, 2011

What to ask at Parent Teacher Conference

Ever wonder what to talk about at Parent Teacher Conferences. Especially discussion that is beyond the standard "how is s/he doing in class?" After doing some homework of my own, here are two questions that will easily get you a better answer then the standard  "s/he's doing well."


Two Questions to ask your child/ren's teachers at Parent-Teacher Conferences:

1. What will my son/daughter learn by the end of the school year?

2. What should we be working on at home?

Details about these questions are below.


Couple of tips for a successful Parent Teacher Conference.

1. Listen! This is the hardest one. As parents we are often overflowing with pride (or hiding under the desk) after what we hear from the teacher about our children. This is the Teachers time to TELL YOU about what happens with your child in THEIR classroom. I understand you might hear things you do not like. But try not to instantly "defend" your kid - or make excuses. First really try to see things from the teachers perspective. (Dont stop reading until you see Step 3.)

2. Acknowledge that you heard what the teacher said. This doesn't mean you agree. It just means you understand their concern/point.
- (If necessary) Tell the teacher you will discuss this topic with your child at home, then you can ask if you can set up a separate Conference at a later date if you still need to talk about your/their concerns later.


If you are reading this post, please post a comment below on what you liked - or didn't  - about this read. Does the topic interest you and you want to know more? Submit a question and I am happy to tackle it.



3. Try to be open and understanding. Stand out from the rest of the parents and don't be defensive about your child. Sometimes (surprisingly) our children act differently in the classroom. Regardless of why, my normally polite and outgoing child was relatively quiet (and rude) in class. Which can positive and negative, but how will I know if I don't listen to the teacher and try to understand.

4. Say Thank You to the Teacher. This teacher spends a lot of time with your child, and is hopefully addressing your kids needs. Depending on school before care and after care, teachers spend anywhere from a typical 7 hour school day with our babies to a whopping 10 hours... Say thanks - it can't hurt.

5. The teacher is nervous too (maybe). Even the most veteran teacher gets butterflies at parent teacher conferences. Every year its a new group of parents, a new batch of kids. So remember, you and the teacher might feel the same way. And you are there for the same reason, your little one.

These questions are suitable to ask not only the Lead teacher but also the specials teachers, including art, music, etc. Schools don't always habe a sign-up time with these additional yet equally important group, therefore seek them out. (Emails a great way to set up times in advance.)





Where should my child be in his school work at the end of the year?

Some answers you are looking for will include the major goals for the class by the end of the year. In Kindergarten, perhaps they should be able to write their first and last name legibly or have memorized 150 sight words. In 3rd grade teachers may look for essay writing skills or memorized the Multiplication table 0 thru 12. Many "goals" and things that our kids are learning are based on State standards (which is addressed briefly below). Obviously as schools integrate the 2010 Common Core legislation, those standards take precedence.

Be prepared to get a wide array of answers too. Some teachers may pull out the "guidelines" for the class showing you exactly what the kids learn week to week. My sons Spanish teacher showed me her lesson chart showing colors and numbers will be learned in the next two weeks and learning about animals in the upcoming month. She also reviewed the objective of the class (for our school it was) "exposure to a second language and not fluency."

Other teachers may simply answer with "here's what we a working on now (counting money or journaling) and by the end of the year "he should be able to write his first and last name legibly."


State Standards and Classroom Objectives

Most states have "state standards" which are the minimum in learning goals and objectives children need to have gained in their grade for that school year. These goals are organized by daily lessons, weeks, quarters, and through the end of the school year.  Your individual school, public, private, charter or otherwise will have additional standards to meet in their schools mission and vision. For example, a vocational school will have labor related tasks and concepts the students need to learn, where a catholic school has additional religious concepts the students learn.


What should we be working on at home? Or what can I do after school to help reinforce what's being taught at school?

This question serves a two fold purpose. First: it shows the teacher that you are interested and responsible in aiding in your Childs education. Homework (and after school study time) is critical to build healthy study habits and to reinforce / review what was learned at school during the day. (Homework however, in the Primary years, is not for learning new ideas. See this blog post where re-teaching math at home WAS WORKING, when it shouldn't have.) Secondly, this question helps to make sure the parent and teacher are "on the same page" regarding what work should be done at home.


It takes a village.... And It Looks Like Pieces of a Pie

Look, we all know that it takes a village to raise a child. I always explain my children's learning for me equates to how you view slices of a pie to equal a whole. A whole pie has many slices: one for what is learned in school, one for what we learn on the playground, one for home learning (which includes manners, self care, and reinforcing school learning at home). Other pie slices are other family members time and what kids learn (with grandparents, aunts, uncles), time with friends/outside/park, vacations and leisure time (yes, kids are always learning), and the "accidental learning" or teachable moments. Of course there's more then this simplicity to teaching and learning, and them add that we are also raising a child. Talking to their teachers is another piece of your child's learning pie - everyone plays a part in the schooling of our children - including you.

Make Mistakes, breathe, reflect and  Laugh.Out.Loud
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