Addressing Parental Concerns, Knowledge is Power. Communication is the Key

It takes a lot of courage in today's world to be brutally honest. To basically expose the raw, true feelings you have will open you up to commentary, more so then ever with social media! And to go even further, and "open up" in your own community, your back yard, to possible even further potential commentary from your fellow neighbor, that takes courage.

Opening up from the heart, and sharing your perspective can create a fury of negative comments. Add the factor of a special needs kid, and you can hear a wide variety of comments, as I have thru the years - in both private, catholic and public school arenas. When my younger son was in a class with a special needs boy, a big comment was about "inclusion" or "why are my kids exposed to special needs?"

I was very moved to receive this GREAT letter from a parent (name excluded) of a Down Syndrome boy in our Kindergarten class. My younger son has provided a lot of information about this in hos daily report" after school. How the day went, What we learned, and play time with new friemd. He has also learned about Down's in class, but it was so refreshing to get a letter addressing parental questions and concerns - directly. Parent to parent... BRAVO!


Addressing Parental Concerns, Knowledge is Power, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

Sometimes there isn't enough communication about the important stuff and supporting our special needs community. I did email the mom "kudos" on her really well written letter addressing curiosity and questions. I just had to share...

If you are reading this post, please post a comment below on what you liked - or didn't  - about this read. Does the topic interest you and you want to know more? Submit a question and I am happy to tackle it.

I do feel that's it's often unfortunate that these letters even have to go out, however Downs Syndrome and special needs situations are beyond the experience (and therefore the understanding) or many families. However, even with out the knowledge, empathy should always be present.

All you need to do is say "Hello." If you can't say hi, at least smile in their direction. Don't exclude a special needs kid because of how they look or talk, that is a CHILD who wants compassion as much as "normal" looking kids do.

I've made plenty of mistakes in the special needs arena (like telling a new mom of a Down's baby that she looked great {having lost all the pregnancy weight}, she replied Honestly: it was due the depression she was coping with and sitting crying on the shower floor - insert foot in my mouth!), but I correct my own ignorance, learn from experiences, and most importantly try to exemplify good, true, loving behavior for my kids to observe. Like simply saying "hello!"

(As for all those complaints, it's often what those yelling the loudest don't see. A little kid, who is just a little different. Who hugs, smiles and can share just like their kids. . . It may take them a little longer, or they may be shy at first. But the real problem here is not the special needs child, the real problem is us parents, who can't see beyond their illness/disability. My kids luckily just see their friend!)

NEW UPDATE :: YOUTUBE CHANNEL INFO ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT BLOG

Our family has had many adventures through the years. Mom, the @Minstr0Interior had an a-ha moment . . .  Suddenly I See what we will have filled our life with, ADVENTURES! We travel, craft, sing, dance, collect insects and spend loads of time together. Sometimes too much time together. Our kids have recently begun to document their own adventures, and so this channel was born. Enjoy our adventures. Or not. WANT MORE? If there is a blog post accompanying this video we will share it here. Sometimes we will include the ingredients list of the craft or recipe, or the itinerary of our trip. In the meantime click play. 

From our family: 👍 + 🙃 + ❤️ ( Thumbs up, emoji face, hearts! )

See It Live >>> 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2mGpujQIVgxdfTImFnQuLA

Make Mistakes. Breathe, reflect. And Laugh.Out.Loud.

Enrolling in a Kindergarten Reading Study with UIC for Younger Son

Through our neighborhood school, we have an opportunity to enroll in a University of Illinois at Chicago study and reading and kindergartners. We read every night as a family either my husband or I will read to our five-year-old son and two-year-old daughter and then our older son will either read on his own, join us for the book. Currently we're reading the Harry Potter series (with breaks for other books in between) and I'll read outloud for all of us as a group together in bed. This year 2014, a questionnaire came home about are interested in enrolling in the reading study, we thought that it would be something interesting to do and participate in. So after talking with husband we decided to enroll.

Two Updates are posted below on the program progress. 

The survey was pretty simple, asking you about your child's abilities in your opinion in reading and math. How well do you think they'll do over a long time. With reading and math. And it also asked about the parents levels of education. There was a questionnaire for myself and a questionnaire for my husband. The interesting part to me was that at the end of the survey they asked questions along the lines of gender bias and reading and math. Things like usually girls are better in reading. And then do you agree or disagree on the scale with the statement. Also boys are usually better in math. And then all children can learn. On the Parent sections of the questionaire your number to the statements were drawn differently along the lines of child intelligence and being able to change a child's intelligence and abilities in reading and math, and agreeing or disagreeing with those statements.

I strongly disagreed with my parent my statements. I think that both boys and girls can equally learn in math and reading. It has to do with simply supporting their abilities, and supplementing where they don't have strengths in certain areas. Ironically, my husband wasn't in the strongly disagree category he was in the one next to it disagree for some of the categories. I'm sure they'll be a dialogue about that at home later. As for today I got to pick up our iPad mini which had the app that we are to use four times a week preinstalled. It will keep track of our reading and the questions that we ask our son. The study is not keeping track of answers, which I thought was interesting. Because I think there is something to be said for children who are understanding what they're reading and what is being read to them. However there are questions at the bottom of the app for "we wines, little kids, and big kids. So I most certainly will be participating in all levels of the questioning just so we can challenge our younger son into some higher-level thinking.

If you are reading this post, please post a comment below on what you liked - or didn't  - about this read. Does the topic interest you and you want to know more? Submit a question and I am happy to tackle it.

Originally we thought we were required to read every night for 15 minutes with our child, now finding out when we picked up the iPad mini that we really have to simply read the daily passage and ask the question, and it's only four times a week so I don't anticipate the reading taking 15 minutes but I do anticipate that that conversation about what we read will take that long.

As for our younger son, I'll be sure to be telling him that he is a participant in the study. We will most definitely get a copy of the journal in which the study will be published. This way my kids can see on the backend of what it means to be a participant in the study in the work that is involved. Maybe if they choose to have scientific careers this study participation and understanding what is involved (logistics) is something that would interest them in the future?

Make Mistakes, breathe, reflect and Laugh.Out.Loud 




Update: 2015

We liked participating in the UIC Reading Study. The iPad came with a preloaded app called BLT (Bed Time Learning). The passages to read everynight were short - maybe 1-2 minutes to read with a series of one to four questions to ask and encourage discussion afterwards. You could also choose to record the discussion.

The passages were interesting subjects, and a few of them were timely with current events. However, spelling errors, at a graduate level program, are UNACCEPTABLE! Granted I am a detail freak - however when working with the public you build into the system some sort of cross check for spelling and editing. Then when I emailed the group help email, they said they'd get to it.....still waiting. We have the app and errors didn't get changed. Now that's unfortunate.

As for the reading, we snuggled with the iPad, which "felt" different then snuggling with the books we have. My younger son pointed out his "popcorn" words while we read - that was cool (disruptive, but good for him). There weren't the fun pictures that books have relating to the text. Instead it was 1 pic for the story. The questions were simple - having the child recall basic facts from the story. However when we read we discuss the story, favorite parts, how we felt, and ultimately it relates to a current event in our lives or a recent story .... the simplicity of the questions was a turn off for my son and I. But we continued reading passages and I'd ask my own questions.


Update 2016
My son met at the local library with one of the researchers. He answered a series of questions and we received a $25 gift card. Even tho we no longer participate in the actual reading of the app. he became part of something like their "non participant" control group. 
This year I received another questionnaire packet which I completed and mailed back. We are participating because Young Son said it was interesting and he didn't mind. 

Sorting School Work that comes Home and Our Word Wall

My younger son is in Kindergarten and comes home with lots and lots of paperwork! His teacher has a great approach to keeping monthly Math Journal where the kids do math work nearly everyday. She's thematic so we have Winter based projects, like Penguins theme or the Gingerbread man. Then there is my favorite work - popcorn words - which have allowed us to build our word wall.

One year later.

I often find my younger son standing in front of the wall, where we have taped up his word projects that he taped and wrote, and he is reading his words! My favorite moments are when his lil' sister stands next to him repeating what he says.

Most recently my younger son read a bedtime book to me!! It was "Hop on Pop." He needed some prompting to sound out words like WHere and THere, and then after we read the page with corrections he said: "Mom, I got this." And he reread the page again on his own, sounding out the words. I know now that my happiness tears were because I was so proud of his determination to reread the page correctly and without help!

Sorting School Work that comes Home & Our Word Wall, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

The "popcorn words" strategy that his Kindergarten teachers uses is not a rote memorization technique. The kids interact with the words, building them by cutting out and sounding out the letters and words. My older son had to memorize 150 words in his Kindergarten class, he also had to write sentences even tho he wasn't sounding out words (as we wrote because I didn't know better as a new mom). 

Older son didn't read until 1st grade. I can see the difference in how they learned the words and did and didn't interact with the words directly impacted how they learned to read, and how quickly.

This other photo is of my younger sons school work. I kept many pages of my older sons school work with his binder bursting at the seams. My younger son will have photos of ALL his work with select pieces he and I choose as our favorites in his binder. 


Sorting School Work that comes Home & Our Word Wall, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

I just love when the kids hit these milestones with leaps and bounds.  

Update: In 2015 My younger son entered school "behind" in reading (level B instead of C). He has since caught up and made leaps and bounds in reading. More importantly he loves books. And now that he has started reading he is reading by choice, for his own pleasure. 

I have my older sons 150 kindergarten sight words which we use to supplement his school list in 1st grade this year. Learning those base of sight words really did make a smoother reading transition for my older son. At the time i was anti-flashcards, feeling they PUSH information versus actually learning it. I was wrong. I think flashcards and sight words have a place...we just have to make it fun. 

• Play memory with the sight words
• Speed race once my son learned 60-70% of the words list
• and learn it in manageable portions of about 5-8 words per week.
• Keeps last weeks mastered words and add more words next week, now having 10-16 words. 
• Continue every week. Through summer as well.

Make Mistakes, Breathe, Reflect and Laugh.Out.Loud.

Do Not Hit back, Our BIG BOY VOICE Bully Strategy, for the early Primary Years

When my oldest son was a kindergartener some of the older kids were teasing him, almost bullying. They wouldn't let him "be darth maul when playing star wars" or similar scenarios. They would tease him, or tell him his drawings or activities weren't nice. And it was something mean everyday.

Right away my husband said when situations would arise, or if a boy pushed my son, "hit them." I'd rather we be a not hitting household, unless our kids are hit first. And yes my husband was kidding (until they hit High School right?) So when the picking on our son turned to pushing, physically pushing at recess, we knew we needed to empower our 5 year old son.

Our "don't hit 'big boy voice' bully strategy."

Yes, we spoke with the teacher, but teachers cannot be everywhere all the time. And room moms are mostly on the recess lot. In life my son will need to know how to stand up for himself. So after we tried the teacher route, this strategy evolved.

Handling Kids who push, hit, and bully in the early years...

1. Husband said tell them to stop..."Don't do that to me" Clearly, telling the kids what to do is important. But my son wasn't understanding his cute kindergarten voice didn't cut it.

2. I thought of the "use your big boy voice" when telling anything to the kids that tease.  This made a big difference. Our son physically would change his posture and felt empowered in not only with his words but his voice as well. But one kid, the oldest, wasn't stopping, and we struggled with a way to allow our son to handle it. Yes, he can tell an adult, but as he ages he will need to know what to do himself!

We practiced what a "big boy voice" is... many times, with mom and dad and grandma. Practice helps when it is time to actually DO.


If you are reading this post, please post a comment below on what you liked - or didn't  - about this read. Does the topic interest you and you want to know more? Submit a question and I am happy to tackle it.


3. My mom said (Baba Babcia Ula) to help get the kids attention, our son should "touch the kids arm."  Brilliant. This allowed for a sense of intimidation without hitting. Yes, it took courage from our son to get that close to the kid too.

Touch has a very powerful effect. Imagine as an adult when someone touches your arm. You notice the touch. You pay closer attention to the person touching you as a side effect or the touch.  They are also "in your personal 4 foot space" and you will notice them for being so close too.

Eventually a situation came up, and my son said he "knew what he had to do." It worked - one day at recess, when the boy was mean, our son just walked up, put his hand on his forearm, and in a firm, not yelling voice said "Don't do that to me!" and walked away. Instantly, they stopped being mean to him. Granted he didn't always get to play the character he wanted, but the "meanness" from the other boys stopped.

It never happened again!

Make Mistakes. Breathe, reflect and Laugh.Out.Loud!

ONE YEAR LATER
Post Script: One year later, in the first week of First Grade, on his own my son remembered this strategy. Some kid shoved him while playing tag. He used this strategy and firmly held the boys arm and yelled "DON'T DO THAT TO ME!!!" and the boy stared in amazement. A classmate said: "I was gonna tell, but you made him cry." After the pusher stopped crying, my son went to the pusher and said - we can still play, so they continued playing, all 3 of the boys.