Pop Culture References and Being a Mom, How I incorporate mainstream subjects into Day to Day Parenting with Love, Trust, and Respect Model

Pop Culture References and Being a Mom

When I am out if the house and hearing and seeing the world thru the lens of pop culture, these new terms and ideas often enter our home. We cant run away from the outside world! Whether it's a new movie or book, or even a song, my sons want to know what there about, and the underlying meanings. Even if my sons don't "pick up on" the undertones, there friends do... To my shagrin :-( > > Whether its a movie reference or a new term my kids either bring it up or I do. I reflect on the subjects, usually as a blogpost or a tweet. I work through some thoughts, if needed, and then bridge the conversations. Twitter comments are linked here too.

NEW UPDATE >>> 

Learn About our new You Tube Channel at the end of this blog. 

See It Live >>>  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2mGpujQIVgxdfTImFnQuLA

> > Pop Culture and Teaching my Kids, at the movies: Kingsman and 50 Shades of Grey > > When my husband and I saw "Kingsman" on Valentines Weekend 2015, there is a scene between the leading men discussing what makes a gentleman. "Manners make the man." And you don't have to be born with a silver spoon in your mouth to learn manners. For example, when entering a room, if not invited, you ask permission to sit and join them /someone already seated.



Or you knock on a door before entering. > > These Manners reminders came home with me, especially when mom is using the bathroom.

> > Follow me on twitter for the immediate #popculture #learning > twitter.com/minstr0interior/status/567859396190978050 > >

Another example is either beloved or dreaded: 50 Shades of Gray. When my kids asked what the fuss was about, I summarized that you have to think through your own personal feelings on a subject, and this book forced some "non mainstream" ideas onto our society, making people talk about it. And many people have strong opinions.

> > My under 140 characters #popculture #learning about #50ShadesofGray > twitter.com/minstr0interior/status/567860091115810816 > >

"Whats do you think mom?" I gave my kid my house philosophy "sex ed / talking about it with my kids" answer. "Love, Trust and Respect should be the reason for doing anything in a relationship. When your older, life can get more complicated, maybe your curious about something new, or your partner wants something that you may / or may not want. How do you decide? Let Love, Trust and Respect guide you." Luckily older son assumed plain vanilla Kissing or Sex (phew!).

>> NEW UPDATE Learn About our new You Tube Channel at the end of this blog. 

See It Live >>>  

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2mGpujQIVgxdfTImFnQuLA

Clearly we had a busy Valentines season in 2015!!!

Pop Culture: Jian Ghomeshi, Q CBC Radio and beating charges.
Before both these movies there was another instance of two similar stories, where one without the other might not have made me say anything. Facebook had an article on another rape case on a college campus, however this article said many young man rapists don't realize what they're doing is wrong. The second story was the sudden firing - from one of my favorite public radio shows on NPR via CBC radio, Q - the shows creator and on air host Jian Ghomeshi. He was fired for his alleged sexual beating of multiple women. Situations where he dated women and pursued aggressive, non consensual BDSM sex scenarios with these women. He claims the women were in agreement - however the countless women claimed otherwise.

I sat in my car and realized I don't ever want my sons, or my daughter, to ever have a moment of doubt for what is / is not consent! There can be no question for themselves or their partner... Which lead to another Love, Trust, Respect talk. It was a little more in depth, saying girls have to say yes BY Themselves, you don't try to "convince them, beg or ever force." There is no game around these types of things. If a girl is drunk or on drugs, that means No! You can't do anything. If a girl is hurt or sleeping, that means No too. We will be revisiting this conversation many more times, I assure you.

NEW UPDATE :: YOUTUBE CHANNEL INFO ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT BLOG

Our family has had many adventures through the years. Mom, the @Minstr0Interior had an a-ha moment . . .  Suddenly I See what we will have filled our life with, ADVENTURES! We travel, craft, sing, dance, collect insects and spend loads of time together. Sometimes too much time together. Our kids have recently begun to document their own adventures, and so this channel was born. Enjoy our adventures. Or not. WANT MORE? If there is a blog post accompanying this video we will share it here. Sometimes we will include the ingredients list of the craft or recipe, or the itinerary of our trip. In the meantime click play. 

From our family: 👍 + 🙃 + ❤️ ( Thumbs up, emoji face, hearts! )

See It Live >>> 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2mGpujQIVgxdfTImFnQuLA

Make Mistakes, breathe, reflect and Laugh.Out.Loud

#WhyIStayed tweets remind me to teach my kids NOW. Take Responsibility, Steps to an Apology, Talking to Kids.

I've always been an advocate for taking responsibility for "what you did do" instead of telling me the typical kids (and often adult) reply "but he...". I didn't realize or actuality my "taking responsibility" philosophy until I had my kids.

As with most things, watching my kids interact it helps crystallize how I feel about the subjects and issues that come
up in real life via the news, NPR, Facebook and Twitter. This post goes a little around the bush when it comes to the issue around the #whyIstayed tweets highlighting that we should ask the abuser "why they hit/hurt" not ask the victim why they stayed. These tweets reminded me how we have come a Long way in our home to evolve and develop the philosophy to: *Take Responsability for what you did do.*

We humans don't naturally take well to "taking responsibility." It's so much easier to deflect, and blame people or inanimate objects: my computer isn't working, he didn't get me the file I needed in time to complete the summary, it's not my fault I had 2 hours of homework and I didn't finishy chores. However this no longer flies in our home. I started seeing my kids, and neighborhood kids telling stories with the *blame something* reason, and parents agreeing with their kid! These observations awakened my frustration when others don't take responsibility for their actions. And frankly when we parents and guardians don't teach our kids HOW to take responsibility.

#WhyIStayed tweets remind me to teach my kids NOW, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

Enough of the blame game.

#WhyIStayed tweets remind me to teach my kids NOW, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

How to Apologize

I once watched the Bachelor: the final rise ceremony (even tho I don't watch the series I always seem to catch this particular season end-episode) and observed the Worst Apology. A brief, insincere, "well I'm sorry for that." Clearly the crappy apology resonated with me because the next day I witnessed one of my older sons one-in-a-dozen apologize to his brother in a lame insincere way and because mom "said so." The TV shows fake apology irked me, and brought to my conscious surface the fact that I hate insincerity. Don't bother apologizing for the sake of saying the words, do it right or don't do it all. I want my boys "to do what's right BECAUSE it's the right thing to do." And do it correctly.

After these two a-ha moments, I googled a proper apology. I knew you needed to say "I am sorry" (while making eye-contact), but I even lacked knowing the other two important parts. A prope apology has 3-steps. First: Acknowledge what you DID do. Second: Saying I'm sorry. And Third: Making up for what you did.

"The TV shows fake apology irked me,

 and brought to my conscious surface

 the fact that I hate insincerity. Don't

 bother apologizing for the sake of

saying the words, do it right or

don't do it all." 

For my kids the hardest learning was Acknowledge what YOU did. Kids readily say "I'm sorry I hit you... BUT don't take my toy from me." Instantly defeating the purpose of the apology and using the "BUT he" to instantly blaming the person they hurt. Or the alternative "But I didn't ... (Do what I'm being blamed for). The denial of the younger brother accusation, because the younger brother is slightly off in his explanation of what happened. I just shit it down! Mom says: "Take Responsibility for what you did do!" Oh my! The "But He" and "but I didn't" doesn't fly with that statement. It's not an open-ended "what did you do?" Instead it's direct because I'm telling them to step up and "take Responsibility." We've found that the key element.

I leaned early to teach the kids what "their Responsibility is." Granted after my young son was born this became easier because I witnessed that i am not an octopus and I can't do it all. I also didn't want entitled children - that's a separate blog post. So my standard line evolved. Feed the dog, it's your Responsibility. Clean your room, I don't play their, it's your Responsibility. And when my older son began to argue... Why do I have to empty the dish washer? I said for An Entire Summer in 2014 "it's your Responsibility. I have to make lunch, dinner, take care of baby girl, take care of everyone's laundry... Do You Do That? No! Because those are my responsibilities. Everyone in this house has a Responsibility, and for now, this one is yours." My older son couldn't argue his way outta that.

I'll ice the kids this: it's uber hard to stand their and just say what "you did" without blaming anyone or anything. Extremely difficult even for me as an adult. Taking full Responsibility for your share of the crime, wow! How rarely do we see that happen with adults, let alone kids?

I think I blogged previously of when my older son, then in kindergarten, needed to apologize to his teacher. I made him memorize the 3 steps, And repeat it a dozen times between 3 pm Wednesday and 8 am Thursday. (I am happy to report I'm a better mom and the apology system flows in our house thru practice now and not military drills.)

I personally have lived this apology style after teaching it to my kids. It really is very difficult to simply acknowledge only your portion of the act. But it's also EXTREMELY empowering. Borderline manipulative power. As an aside, when I've witnessed my kids enact the "take Responsibility for what YOU DID do."

Building Character thru Taking Responsibility

Which brings me to an interesting by product of the "take Responsibility" philosophy and "proper apology," building character. I read a fabulous book early in my older sons life titles "The Men they will become," which discussed how character forms and how boys become men. (I think I have blogged about how this book helped me also understand developing a boys "emotional toolbox," see those blog labels too.) He was 2 years old when I was learning about why we need to let boys make mistakes. And when boys take stupid risks, it's their natural way of learning (note: the stupid risks are arguably not INSANE and danger risk levels are curbed because we've done our parenting job and the little voice goes off in my sons head saying "this isn't a good idea!"). 

Mistakes are critical to child development. But we need to tell the kids, show them to learn from their mistake, and them it becomes a lesson! And a learning. All the while building character, because their doing things, and verbalizing emotionally difficult subjects, embarrassing ones. But I hope, that at this young age - if I ingrained that act of taking responsibility - maybe my kids will not take crazy risks. They've lived a difficult apology, and reparations which prepare them (the boys especially) for preventative good decision making.

Prevention

This parts lasts, because it started when my older son was 6 or so. You don't beat people up. You don't hit girls ever. You can restrain others from hitting you, but you don't start the fight. A gentleman defends his honor, and his family, but he doesn't provoke an attack.

I have also told my boys that when it's time to get married, pick a girl who speaks another language, who can cook as my kids will know how to cook well also), who loves you and who doesn't start fights with you. You shouldn't have to argue a lot.

These are simple principles, but their reiterated very often in our home. Very Often, as often as the dangers of crossing the street!!!

I hope all these values combined: "taking Responsability for what you did do, and reparations," help build their character. To do things in life that are difficult, and build their emotional toolbox.

Then the guiding values of the "qualities their partner should have" in addition to what the kids will eventually find attractive, will help them stay away from people who instigate, and those that live in anger.

And then there's this,....the Church forcing the issues 


#WhyIStayed tweets, we can't allow the church to hide it's abuses anymore, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

I hope in the end - this helps all of us avoid the #whyIstayed scenario. Because they've been taught to take Responsibility if their actions and words.

Make mistakes. Breathe, reflect, and Laugh.Out.Loud!!!

The lesser of two evils: Tap Water

Ah tap water. Free flowing into homes around the U. S. and mostly drinkable. Our tap water in Chicago is chemically treated to be drinkable, with he michaels like chlorine, fluoride and other additives to be considered Drinkable and mostly "safe."

Theres been taste tests on water where people taste 3-4 samples of water, including tap, and they have to tell which tastes better or "find the tap water." Usually tap water can be guessed easily. It has an awkward smell and a taste. When water shouldn't have a taste, right?

So what's so great about tap water. Because it flows from the tap, and while there's an aftertaste, it is drinkable. Or easily filtered to eliminate most of those additives.

Tap water is the lesser of two evils, with the great evil being "oral fecal." Not familiar with that term. Most water around the world IS NOT drinkable from the tap. Most of the worlds water is infected with water illnesses including diarrhea, hepatitis, dysentery, and tyfoid. The author acknowledged that nearly everyone in his family has hepatitis due to the water born problem in their country.

I too, a born and raised American, am relearning All. The. Time. why this is "such a great country." why it's a privilege to live here. Can you even imagine getting cramps, diarrhea, and life threatening disease from water? The water appar ently, as discussed to my horror in the interview, is odorless aind mostly clear, however it has trace levels of feces capable of causing these water born illnesses.

Hamid's wife was diagnosed with hepatitis the day after their wedding. "And it was the second time she had had it," he said. "Virtually everybody in my family has had either hepatitis or typhoid or something of that sort. You know, water-borne illness is everywhere. It affects the poor, and it also affects the affluent in a place like Pakistan... 

And dont think your safe traveling to high end resorts and hotels, water is precious, and scams are one way that you can also get sick,

Jamie shared further "So people are selling water, and both at the luxury level, where you have these high-end mineral waters and also at the level of just poor people needing something to drink. So his scam (the books character, taken from real life scenarios) is to take mineral water bottles that have been consumed at high-end restaurants, buy the empties, take tap water, boil it a little bit, pour it into these mineral water bottles and reseal it so it looks like it's an authentic water bottle and sell it back to the exact same restaurants, who probably suspect that it's a scam product, but because it's so much cheaper than the water they buy normally are happy to take it on."

This fabulous interview came from NPR on Fresh Air.

Mohsin Hamid, the author of How to Get Filthy Rich In Rising Asia. The business that Hamid’s main character in the novel finally makes his money in is … water. Bottled water, however, in this case. A sneak peak at what Hamid has to say on the subject of water.

I highly recommend (unsolicited, un-paid endorsement) this podcast, so you can hear about something I'm certain you haven't even fathomed before.

So, the next time I'm in a fancy schmancy restaurant, and the waiter asks "Bottled Water, or regular?" I'll go regular, good 'ol Tap! Because we can.

Water-born illness is everywhere. It affects the poor and it also affects the affluent in a place like affluent in a place like Pakistan. … Basically you get it either from drinking water, brushing your teeth with tap water or perhaps somebody prepared your food and they had washed their hands in that water or touched the water or handed washed their hands at all. The mode of transmission is what’s called oral-fecal and that sort of unsavory term really sums up how you get it.

How to get filthy rich in rising Asiahttp://www.npr.org/2013/03/13/174021020/a-young-man-gets-filthy-rich-boiling-bottling-tap-water


Make mistake. Breathe, reflect. And Laugh.Out.Loud ... Enjoy that glass of water too.