Death of classmate: A poem about healing

Death of classmate // Healing

No more shooting mom

Listening to the news

Telling my son to play dead

Mom what's that

Basketball games rivalries end in death

Buy a gun for $100 on the corner

Everyone knows where

Sister cry for food

Sister city to play

Sister city a new town
for the death of a child

Pendragon, Pendleton,
shot in a park,
5 blocks from the President's home

Performed at the inaugural

Died at attention.

Gun control won't cut it,

Video games won't cut it,

Mental health registry won't cut it,

Where are the shooters parents,

Where is the raising of a child.

The shootings in Chicago have gone insane. And while this was during the Obama administration, I was deeply affected. We discuss the why's at home. White privilege, poverty, cycles of abuse and the insanity of shootings. What do we tell the children? We talk about these issues openly. And then I deal with my kids saying they are scared when we know we are safe at home. This is not our world, but it hurts my heart.

One day, this will change.

NEW UPDATE :: YOUTUBE CHANNEL INFO ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT BLOG

Our family has had many adventures through the years. Mom, the @Minstr0Interior had an a-ha moment . . .  Suddenly I See what we will have filled our life with, ADVENTURES! We travel, craft, sing, dance, collect insects and spend loads of time together. Sometimes too much time together. Our kids have recently begun to document their own adventures, and so this channel was born. Enjoy our adventures. Or not. WANT MORE? If there is a blog post accompanying this video we will share it here. Sometimes we will include the ingredients list of the craft or recipe, or the itinerary of our trip. In the meantime click play. 

From our family: 👍 + 🙃 + ❤️ ( Thumbs up, emoji face, hearts! )

See It Live >>> 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2mGpujQIVgxdfTImFnQuLA

make mistakes, breathe and keep breathing.

Well You are a Bossy Little Girl

When I was a little girl I remember being told "you are bossy," on a regular basis. "Don't be like that, NO ONE WILL LIKE YOU." I still hear it today. In my head.

I had very strong emotions as a child, yes I cried when I lost at checkers to my cheating grandfather and uncle's. Of course it didn't help that they teased me when I lost which encourage the crying. But I digress.

I was a little bossy pants, I often lead the games that we played after school. I frequently made the rules and told the other kids how to play want to play where to play. I remember the nuns at school telling me that nobody likes a bossy girl. Our next-door neighbor who's two boys I played with would tell me that I'm too bossy for being a girl.

Even my dear old dad, who I would say has taught me a lot about leadership and what not to do, would tell me that I'm too bossy.

Every Little Girl who is told she is bossy, should be told instead she has GREAT
leadership skills. - My inner child.

When I reflect on this, I think I only have one more thing to add. This morning at 10 o'clock I'll be running and a conference call for my clients project that I am handling.

Stay strong little girls. I simply tell my daughter to be polite in her bossy moments. When she is telling other kids what to do, I remind her to be nice in her words, not sassy. I don't want her to be considered the "B" word, as can often happen. Sometimes it's not What you say, it really is How you say it.

Make Mistakes, breathe, reflect and Laugh.Out.Loud.

A Little Walk

Why do we protest? What do we tell our kids and family members who do not understand the protest?

I recently came across what is one of the most powerful example of WHY people who gather are actually doing something. For those who "don't understand" why there was a March on Washington organized by Women... it is to bring attention to a large number of issue that still need attention. Yes it really is that simple. The best sign of the day was "I can't believe I still have to protest this sh$t."

Want to relate to kids about the March? Read further below the grey "A Little Walk."

Examples from History include ---

People want to belittle this effort by calling it a "little walk." "What's a little walk going to do," they say.

A little walk by protesters to Boston Harbor sparked a nation's independence from a monarchy. 

A little walk from Selma to Montgomery, and from the Washington Monument to the Lincoln Memorial sparked the enactment of civil rights legislation for the American descendants of former slaves and changed the world's conscience about hate and the importance of nonviolent protest against the evils of this world.

A little walk by students and young people to Washington, DC helped to change America's conscience about the Vietnam War. 

A little walk by a Chinese boy in Tianamin Square helped the world see the oppressive regime of the People's Republic of China.

A little walk by protesters in Cape Town, galvanized the world against South Africa's apartheid regime, and helped to free the Freedom Fighter who was in jail for over 2 decades, who would one day become South Africa's first Black President. 

A little walk by tired and frustrated citizens to Tahir Square in Egypt caused a 30 year President to resign. 

Little walks are powerful and can change a nation. Little walks are powerful and can change the world.

#WhyIMarch 

----------

A series of Photos from the Protest are available thru my Flickr Feed. Click on it.

#WhyIMarch our photos from the Chicago Women's March on Washington. March, 2017

My older son initially did not want to attend the march with mom. He was concerned about it being a "Women's March" and being the only boy there. My husband, a history buff reminded him about the March's he is learning about in his 6th grade class. King, Freedan, Civil Rights, ERA, etc. The conversation was "go and take part in something bigger than you." You don't want to regret not going when in 20 years people will probably talk about this March and this Election, you can say you were a part of it.  Yes, it really is that simple to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. 

"Yes, it really is that simple 

to be a part of something 

bigger than ourselves. " - Husband

And my husband for safety sake did not want me to take the little ones. One day earlier, in Washington during President Trump's inauguration the protests did get violent and vandalism occurred at the corner Starbuck's. For that reason, if I would need to "run away from danger," Older Son can keep up with you. I am happy to report that the purported nearly 250,000 who attended were peaceful with no violence reported.

If you are reading this post, please post a comment below on what you liked - or didn't  - about this read. Does the topic interest you and you want to know more? Submit a question and I am happy to tackle it.

I add to this sentiment . . . Walk with me my sister and together we can change the world!

Make Mistakes, breathe, reflect and Laugh.Out.Loud and walk with me sister.

My Regular Good Deed

I frequent our area Aldi store. Its one of those grocery stores where its a help yourself customer service model. The aisles are full of grocery's still in boxes, the top few are opened and customers help themselves to the goods. Then you can use the emptied boxes to pack your groceries instead of boxes.

Their shopping carts work similarly where you insert a quarter to release the locking mechanism and use the cart. When you return and lock your cart the quarter is released.

I however leave my quarter, every time. I like to think it puts a smile on someones face when they find it. Yes, its only a quarter, but its still a nice and good deed, right. I think Karma likes it because once I was without a quarter and low and behold it was in a cart, waiting for me. (It wasn't MY quarter either!)

My kids always want to keep the quarter, but I encourage them to leave it for someone (and then we end up discussing how happy THEY get when they find money on the ground. I know it's not $$ millions $$, but it makes me feel good. Who Doesn't like to Find a Penny? Well here's a quarter.


>
> Random acts of kindness, pass it along.
>
> Make mistakes, breathe, reflect and laugh out loud!

Bug Collecting with Kids - Showing off their Insect Specimen

Bug collecting has become something more then a hobby for our family. At 1,000 + specimens I am wondering if it's our obsession? We end up collecting everywhere we go. We recently were at a friends house warming party, and we brought our bug collection jars, yes really! The jars go everywhere with us. Turns out our friends are on an acre of land with an amazing Prarie in their backyard. So with my after dessert coffee in tow, as well as baby girl, we hit the yard. 

Bug Collecting with Kids - Showing off their Insect Specimen

Quietly. I don't make a big deal about collecting, we just take our jars an go off to look at plants, and under the leafs (where bugs often hide). We didn't get 10 steps in when I suddenly had 3 more kids following us asking loads of questions!

Kids are naturally curious, they want to know everything. So without agenda we answer their questions. The old me would have certain things I want to be sure to tell the kids, however I've learned over these 9 years of parenting that the core information does get across, even if it's in a simple discussion format. We talked about how we capture them, and then the kids true their attempts at capture. We put the jar over the bugs, and either "seal" them in plant and all like with the Leaf Hoppers that jump. Or with the green Dog Bane beetle, they just fall off the plant (that's their defense mechanism) into the jar.

The kids also learned quickly that bugs like the warmth of the sun. We didn't find any insects in the shade, and the few we did find that late in the afternoon (5:00 pm) were sitting on plants in the late afternoon sun.
The insects collected at Green Oaks (top row, from left, Wasp, leaf hopper, bottom row, dog bane beetle, assassin bug)

Bug Collecting with Kids - Showing off their Specimen, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

#WhyIStayed tweets remind me to teach my kids NOW. Take Responsibility, Steps to an Apology, Talking to Kids.

I've always been an advocate for taking responsibility for "what you did do" instead of telling me the typical kids (and often adult) reply "but he...". I didn't realize or actuality my "taking responsibility" philosophy until I had my kids.

As with most things, watching my kids interact it helps crystallize how I feel about the subjects and issues that come
up in real life via the news, NPR, Facebook and Twitter. This post goes a little around the bush when it comes to the issue around the #whyIstayed tweets highlighting that we should ask the abuser "why they hit/hurt" not ask the victim why they stayed. These tweets reminded me how we have come a Long way in our home to evolve and develop the philosophy to: *Take Responsability for what you did do.*

We humans don't naturally take well to "taking responsibility." It's so much easier to deflect, and blame people or inanimate objects: my computer isn't working, he didn't get me the file I needed in time to complete the summary, it's not my fault I had 2 hours of homework and I didn't finishy chores. However this no longer flies in our home. I started seeing my kids, and neighborhood kids telling stories with the *blame something* reason, and parents agreeing with their kid! These observations awakened my frustration when others don't take responsibility for their actions. And frankly when we parents and guardians don't teach our kids HOW to take responsibility.

#WhyIStayed tweets remind me to teach my kids NOW, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

Enough of the blame game.

#WhyIStayed tweets remind me to teach my kids NOW, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

How to Apologize

I once watched the Bachelor: the final rise ceremony (even tho I don't watch the series I always seem to catch this particular season end-episode) and observed the Worst Apology. A brief, insincere, "well I'm sorry for that." Clearly the crappy apology resonated with me because the next day I witnessed one of my older sons one-in-a-dozen apologize to his brother in a lame insincere way and because mom "said so." The TV shows fake apology irked me, and brought to my conscious surface the fact that I hate insincerity. Don't bother apologizing for the sake of saying the words, do it right or don't do it all. I want my boys "to do what's right BECAUSE it's the right thing to do." And do it correctly.

After these two a-ha moments, I googled a proper apology. I knew you needed to say "I am sorry" (while making eye-contact), but I even lacked knowing the other two important parts. A prope apology has 3-steps. First: Acknowledge what you DID do. Second: Saying I'm sorry. And Third: Making up for what you did.

"The TV shows fake apology irked me,

 and brought to my conscious surface

 the fact that I hate insincerity. Don't

 bother apologizing for the sake of

saying the words, do it right or

don't do it all." 

For my kids the hardest learning was Acknowledge what YOU did. Kids readily say "I'm sorry I hit you... BUT don't take my toy from me." Instantly defeating the purpose of the apology and using the "BUT he" to instantly blaming the person they hurt. Or the alternative "But I didn't ... (Do what I'm being blamed for). The denial of the younger brother accusation, because the younger brother is slightly off in his explanation of what happened. I just shit it down! Mom says: "Take Responsibility for what you did do!" Oh my! The "But He" and "but I didn't" doesn't fly with that statement. It's not an open-ended "what did you do?" Instead it's direct because I'm telling them to step up and "take Responsibility." We've found that the key element.

I leaned early to teach the kids what "their Responsibility is." Granted after my young son was born this became easier because I witnessed that i am not an octopus and I can't do it all. I also didn't want entitled children - that's a separate blog post. So my standard line evolved. Feed the dog, it's your Responsibility. Clean your room, I don't play their, it's your Responsibility. And when my older son began to argue... Why do I have to empty the dish washer? I said for An Entire Summer in 2014 "it's your Responsibility. I have to make lunch, dinner, take care of baby girl, take care of everyone's laundry... Do You Do That? No! Because those are my responsibilities. Everyone in this house has a Responsibility, and for now, this one is yours." My older son couldn't argue his way outta that.

I'll ice the kids this: it's uber hard to stand their and just say what "you did" without blaming anyone or anything. Extremely difficult even for me as an adult. Taking full Responsibility for your share of the crime, wow! How rarely do we see that happen with adults, let alone kids?

I think I blogged previously of when my older son, then in kindergarten, needed to apologize to his teacher. I made him memorize the 3 steps, And repeat it a dozen times between 3 pm Wednesday and 8 am Thursday. (I am happy to report I'm a better mom and the apology system flows in our house thru practice now and not military drills.)

I personally have lived this apology style after teaching it to my kids. It really is very difficult to simply acknowledge only your portion of the act. But it's also EXTREMELY empowering. Borderline manipulative power. As an aside, when I've witnessed my kids enact the "take Responsibility for what YOU DID do."

Building Character thru Taking Responsibility

Which brings me to an interesting by product of the "take Responsibility" philosophy and "proper apology," building character. I read a fabulous book early in my older sons life titles "The Men they will become," which discussed how character forms and how boys become men. (I think I have blogged about how this book helped me also understand developing a boys "emotional toolbox," see those blog labels too.) He was 2 years old when I was learning about why we need to let boys make mistakes. And when boys take stupid risks, it's their natural way of learning (note: the stupid risks are arguably not INSANE and danger risk levels are curbed because we've done our parenting job and the little voice goes off in my sons head saying "this isn't a good idea!"). 

Mistakes are critical to child development. But we need to tell the kids, show them to learn from their mistake, and them it becomes a lesson! And a learning. All the while building character, because their doing things, and verbalizing emotionally difficult subjects, embarrassing ones. But I hope, that at this young age - if I ingrained that act of taking responsibility - maybe my kids will not take crazy risks. They've lived a difficult apology, and reparations which prepare them (the boys especially) for preventative good decision making.

Prevention

This parts lasts, because it started when my older son was 6 or so. You don't beat people up. You don't hit girls ever. You can restrain others from hitting you, but you don't start the fight. A gentleman defends his honor, and his family, but he doesn't provoke an attack.

I have also told my boys that when it's time to get married, pick a girl who speaks another language, who can cook as my kids will know how to cook well also), who loves you and who doesn't start fights with you. You shouldn't have to argue a lot.

These are simple principles, but their reiterated very often in our home. Very Often, as often as the dangers of crossing the street!!!

I hope all these values combined: "taking Responsability for what you did do, and reparations," help build their character. To do things in life that are difficult, and build their emotional toolbox.

Then the guiding values of the "qualities their partner should have" in addition to what the kids will eventually find attractive, will help them stay away from people who instigate, and those that live in anger.

And then there's this,....the Church forcing the issues 


#WhyIStayed tweets, we can't allow the church to hide it's abuses anymore, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

I hope in the end - this helps all of us avoid the #whyIstayed scenario. Because they've been taught to take Responsibility if their actions and words.

Make mistakes. Breathe, reflect, and Laugh.Out.Loud!!!

LaPorte County Fair, Indiana: Fun Things to do from our Summer BucketList. Part II

Just beyond the schoolhouse is the barn. We explored old fashioned tools, and barn purposes. Then we hit the laundry area... We were here for over 45 minutes, just doing the laundry. Yes my kids got soaked, but we hit the car to change our clothes before the carnival. I always have extra clothes in the car, which I rotate as the seasons change,... And their growing sizes!

The kids had small sized era- appropriate costumes to wear! They could walk a nearby "master gardeners" typical family food and health garden, growing their food in the traditional way, and their wellness herbs too!! Again city kids exploring survival on a whole new scale, cause you can't just run to the grocery store in those days.

We experienced an old post office, showing the methods of sorting and delivering mail. Need a job? How about the pony express? I loved explaining to my older son why being an orphan is referenced...

LaPorte County Fair ..., a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

Outside the old post office was an ol' fashioned checks board on a tree stump.

LaPorte County Fair ..., a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

Old washing tubs with plungers for rotation washed the rags with feldspar soap (which is still available in today's supermarkets!). Then rink out thru rollers into the rinse tub. For tough stains scrub on a waRsh board ;-) I lived when I heard "Mom, they have our drying racks" for air / line drying the laundered rags. Then there was a small ironing board to press the clothes after washing.

LaPorte County Fair ..., a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

LaPorte County Fair ..., a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

Not pictured here, my Younger son took too the outdoor style laundry tub - a large steel basin - and got in with his feet instead of using the rotating plungers.

As we left, we saw an outdoor kitchen with a grill and water kettle, boiled by a fire. A volunteer lady in costume rinsing the evening beans for tomorrow's meal - happy to explain her process.

We loved today's Pioneer town visit - this will be a must do for years to come! Off to the carnival, older son loved playing games, younger son too. It wasn't about winning, they knew that was nearly impossible. But older son promised our neighbor friend a prize from the carnival - which he reminded me about for days prior to Our Visit!!!


Make mistakes, breathe, reflect. And Laugh.Out.Loud

City Kids Exploring the Pioneer Town at the LaPorte County Fair, 2014. Summer Bucket List Item. Part I

Pioneer town is a fantastic set up of turn of the century life in America at the LaPorte County Fair, in Indiana. The fair is an annual summer bucket list item because we can experience so much rural traditional fun, less than two-hours from our Windy City home. We experienced a school house, post office, ol' fashion wood games, and chores like laundry.

After feeding the animals, bits of corn from a quarter machine, we headed to the next game area. Simple spinning tips, a wooden Sliding gingerbread man and catch the strung ball in a cap ol' fashioned games kept us going for another 30 minutes.

Pioneer Town at the LaPorte County Fair, 2014 City Kids Exploring, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

The volunteer teacher truly embraced her role! My children sat in the hard benches, and experienced using a small chalkboard to practice their penmanship.

Pioneer Town at the LaPorte County Fair, 2014 City Kids Exploring, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

Here my older son is experiencing classic ol' fashion corporal punishment: the classroom volunteer teacher said put your nose on that dot on the chalkboard. "mom, this is hard!"

Pioneer Town at the LaPorte County Fair, 2014 City Kids Exploring, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

More punishment...
It's the dunce hat. You could be expected to sit here for the entire class period, or stand facing the wall. Torture!

Pioneer Town at the LaPorte County Fair, 2014 City Kids Exploring, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

Pioneer Town at the LaPorte County Fair, 2014 City Kids Exploring, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

Make mistakes, breathe, reflect. And Laugh.Out.Loud

Tips for Pinning Bugs Beyond the Basics and Helpful Tips even vacation

As you know our Family Hobby is Bug Collecting. This year the kids are each getting there own box to fill, with pinned bugs that they will pin and stage completely on their own. I Can. Not. Wait!  I recently blogged about pinning a House Centipede through a series of photos, see it here. 

Tips for Pinning Bugs Beyond the Basics and Helpful Tips even vacation

AS I wrote my draft I realized there's a series of tips to consider when pinning. I hope this is helpful to anyone who has been pinning for years, and for beginners.

Here are a few tips I have collected on pinning bugs. Happy Pinning!


These bugs were collected at Loyola Beach in Chicago. I picked up what I thought were 7 bugs, they turned out to be 28 of them! Attached together in sandy bits.

Westside of Chicago, An Unexpected Family Outing

I was Heading into downtown Chicago from Loyola University medical center after I dropped my grandmother off for a procedure. We had planned to visit our other grandma at her office while we waited. Traffic was horrid on the 290 Inbound Expressway, so I decided to shortcut into the city and bypass through the Westside. It was fairly early in the morning at 10 AM, that's early for the Westside. We took Madison Avenue inbound. And here's a collection of photos from our experience.

More Photos from the Westside, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

I grew up in Chicago, born and raised. I grew up on the northwest side, however once I started a career I have had some experience and reason to be in the inner-city and the Westside. I've worked with youth groups and at the banks CRA program requiring me to go into low income communities with financial education programs and other outreach funding. My husband, in his early administrative days worked at an Elementary School in Englewood. I visited with my then 2 year old son. Heres a poem about my experiences there and during that time. 

More Photos from the Westside, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

There are a significant amount of church's and other counseling and support organizations along the route we took down Madison Ave. Easily over a dozen each of church's + public services.  While driving in today I had my younger son and baby girl with me. Now people who are familiar with Chicago might be alarmed the idea that I went through the Westside community with my two kids but again it's a relatively safe time to go if you're going to do it, the go in the morning. I wanted them to see how other people live, so I didn't avoid the area. I wanted them to see what it's like without having money in your life to do what you want (yes, I realize the issue is more complicated then that).

More Photos from the Westside, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

Westside of Chicago, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

Here is someones car parked in front. Exceptionally large rims. And this also feeds the message that if your poor why would you buy expensive rims. Partially becaus this is one of the ways to have status in the community.

There are specs of beauty as you can see in these communities. My 2 year old baby girl shouted from the backseat when she saw this long mural, some will call it graffiti, I think whoever did that was pretty darn talented artist.

Westside of Chicago, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

I also pointed out advertising to the kids, I wanted them to notice that most of the "for rent" and "for sale" signs were hand-painted, as were a lot of the business advertisements on the banners. In these communities people have money to start a small shop that they've probably saved up I order to buy for quite some time. However to add the additional advertising and marketing that's needed, in this category they will make the best of what they already have, paint and supplies!! Often the result is coming up with beautiful art. Which, I would argue making your own signs and advertisements adds to the theme and brand of the type of store that you're going to own.

Westside of Chicago, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

And then there's this, the mass advertising for shoes!

Westside of Chicago, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

More Photos from the Westside, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

And then there's some of the things that I saw that I didn't explain to the kids, there was a prostitute servicing her John right on the main street sidewalk. When they were done he got up and buckled his pants like nothing happened. Then I saw a few drug deals go down just a few feet and steps away from CPD squad cars.

The community was bustling for that hour of the day, my neighborhood doesn't even have that many people walking around in it at that hour of the morning, which tells me even the Westside community residents know it's a safer time to get around and get your business done in the morning. Even the liquor store is open already at that hour so plenty of people had their bags full for the day.

It's a bit of a shock driving through this area, in my city. I've driven through the old Cabrini Green housing projects, I've been inside an Elementary in Englewood, worked for years at a youth service in Lawndale. I've driven trough "K Town." Granted my outreach was not in depth/ or intense, but I have seen things with my OWN eyes. It's shocking (for me) to see what poverty combine with access to drugs can create this type of emptiness.

Westside of Chicago, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

More Photos from the Westside, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

These corners (waiting at the bus stops) were across the street from each other kitty corner.

The picture (above) of the bus stop near the stop light, notice all the garbage. In my community if this debris wasn't picked up by the city, the community would take care of it.

I have to admit, I understand the Shady Bundy and Donald Sterlings of the world. These men are not educated about the issues - or just don't care - about the vicious cycle that exists in poor inner city life. And I'm certain they haven't seen the communities I have, if they did they'd only blame the people anyway - there is no empathy in racists. Living in Poverty and addiction, amongst philosophies of violence and instant revenge with a gun, is a mix of circumstances so complicated that politicians and lay folk truly don't understand the dynamics. So, similarly to my 84 year old Babcia and my father, we end up blaming people for their own life condition. We cannot even fathom (having come from long lineages of successful families, both poor and wealthy), what it means to be poor, uneducated and addicted, living in violence. I remember the movie where the slum landlord had to go an live in his building by court order for 30 days. It's Hollywood, so of course there's a happy ending, but the point of bringing to life some of the inner city issues was clear. Another great punishment for a racist, like the Donald Sterlings of the world, move them into the city, help them understand the cycle of suppression and poverty.

I won't solve anything here in this post. But at least my kids will be able to empathize and understand the TRUE issues in the inner city poverty cycle. Maybe we can educate the next generation to truly make a difference.


Make Mistakes. Breathe, Reflect, and don't forget to Laugh.Out.Loud.

Banned for Life, Why the NBA is just Like a Mom who says "You Can't Play with Your Toys"

Banned for Life, Why the NBA is just Like a Mom who says "You Can't Play with Your Toys"

When my kids get a little crazy, and simply cannot follow the rules, sometimes mommy has to implement a punishment. Ad I don't mean the occasional name calling and subtle teasing. These consequences usually happen after being together for a week, like when during Spring Break after the newness of being ALL together again wears off and instead we get on each others nerves in a major way. In these instances the everyday "take a break in your room" or "please use inside voices" doesn't cut it. Because the behaviors of yelling at each other or calling names to intentionally hurt each others feelings repeat everyday. I personally am not a fan of consequences but they are unfortunately necessary to help learn important life lessons. And the more serious and swift consequences has an interesting effect on our familial unit.

I tell my kids they "can't play in the toy room for 2 days." It's not that I am taking their toys AWAY. Because my older son, who saves his various birthday and other money gifts, in his mind he can buy himself a new toy/s. Instead I am taking away their "power of play." They CANNOT PLAY with their toys... And that so much worse!

As we know adult men, I'm stereotyping, love their toys. Especially playing with their toys. So taking away their ability to play with said toy IS TORTURE!! My kids pace in front of their toy room, looking over the gate, pointing out a particular favorite to their sibling, asking "how soon until the toy room reopened?" Their toys are RIGHT THERE, just over the threshold, within their reach every day, but they ARE NOT ALLOWED to play.

The interesting affect this "Cannot Play" consequence has on our kids is they unite.   They unite in their sadness of the consequence. They commiserate in their feelings. And eventually they reflect on what caused the consequence and apologize for their needless behavior (okay, mostly mommy prompts this last part). I have come to appreciate consequences NOT as a punishment, but for the end result of a united family.


Banned for Life, Why the NBA is just Like a Mom who says "You Can't Play with Your Toys", a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr. Top: NBA Los Angeles Clippers Owner Donald Sterling and the Clippers logo from TMZ. Bottom: Our Toy Room Immediately after the "You Can't Play with your Toys" punishment is implemented, my kids view of the close yet unobtainable toys.

Now imagine this "No playing with your toys, EVER! You are Banned FOR LIFE." punishment? My kids normally do not through tantrums and they would be kicking and screaming on the floor!!! And that's what he NBA commissioner did to L.A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling with their Lifetime Ban, you can't play with our toys. Now the commissioner can't actually take Donald's toys away (even tho he is gonna try). And yes, Donald can buy news toys. But he has publically been embarrassed and shut out from playing with our toys!

All the while this punishment does the most important and truly only function that is important, it creates a united family in the NBA Organization! The punishment to Sterling isn't so much a punishment for him, as it is to unite the NBA players, coaches, employees and officials - saying we are united AGAINST racist behavior in our group. PERIOD.

The remaining racists in the NBA will be temporarily closeted. And frankly, as I also see with my kids, there will be a change in behaviors. There will still be racists, however they will attempt to control themselves a little more due to the swift and firm punishment publically issued today. Societies change, slowly. Policies and our actions related to racism also change slowly. But we DO CHANGE, in every generation making some progress partially because of PUBLIC DECISIONS like the NBA Commissioner shared today. Racism will not be tolerated in our family!

Thank you NBA Commissioner for ousting a member of our family who was not playing nice, and not being professional, and not allowing his racist comments to go unpunished. Donald Sterling can buy different toys, but he can't play with ours!

I recently blogged about "Banned for Life, How to punish the Rich and Powerful." And I realized that the NBA punishment issued today is no different then when I need to make some serious consequence decisions for my kids. I take their power away, to help guide them to some better decisions.

Original post April 29, 2014

Make Mistakes. Breathe, Reflect and Laugh.Out.Loud

Banned for Life, How to Punish the Rich and Powerful

Banned for Life, How to punish the Rich and Powerful.

Recently the NBA owner of the L.A. Clippers, Donald Sterling was secretly recorded making racist remarks to his (ironically mixed race half Black) girlfriend. When people in high level powerful positions in this country make a public statement (or something that "gets out") they are usually dealt with in a manner expected to temper public feelings and address the perception of wrongness.

What can we do with people like Sterling? Can we make him attend a "learn how not to be a racist" class? Of course not, nor will punishing him likely change his behavior or his opinions. But the Punishment issued today is not just for Sterling, as it has been perceived in the media as trying to hurt him in someway. With many debating is the punishment enough? In these cases the punishment will never "be enough." However the Lifetime Ban did achieve two things in the progress against people like Sterling and for the NBA.

Mostly, the NBA Commissioners handing down of a Lifetime Ban from the NBA today was not so much a punishment for Donald Sterling, as it was meant to show a united front on the part of the NBA family. We the NBA and our players, coaches, employees and owners will NOT ALLOW RACISM in our family! PERIOD!  I also blogged about how punishment and "Not letting my kids play with their toys" helps my kids UNITE, not too different from the NBA.) It's team unity that American sports function on. Equality in sports is not just an idea, but something all national sports organizations survive and thrive on. Equal players playing at the best of their ability so the best team wins. We don't compare race at the end of the game. We compare stats, height, rebounds, assists, fouls and points. 

The NBA owners and employees know they can't truly hurt Sterling, or take away Sterling's loads of money in a financial punishment. The only way to hurt a rich and powerful person is to take away their power, and that's what the NBA Commissioner did today.

The NBA Commissioner, implemented a swift action to keep the members of the  NBA family united and to work in place. The action had to be immediate because this is a Living, Breathing, now public, issue. Swift action was required before players and coaches revolted beyond the reverse jersey protest of the Clippers team.  The removal of power was complete. The NBA removed ALL of Donald Sterlings rights and decision making controls in his ownership of the Clippers. All his "ownership powers" were impacted. Not only does he get a Lifetime Ban from attending games, more importantly, he cannot make any decisions related to his position, players, teams, or NBA related matters. What good is ownership without power? Men like him thrive on power, therefore "cutting him off at the knees" was ideal.

Racism however silent, exists. As many know it is often swept under the rug because it cannot be proven and frankly, all too frequently nothing can be done about racist remarks. In the case of Donald Sterling he has a history of racism, in personal and business matters. Publicly discussed law suits have addressed his racist remarks and business decisions. Basically, going into this NBA Ban related issue, he wasn't an innocent man. I've read thru Facebook and in the media his cases just added fuel to the "Sterling fire." In a court of law these other cases lend credibility to his character and matter, but in the court of public opinion, whom the NBA needs to satisfy, this is irrelevant.


Banned for Life, How to Punish the Rich and Powerful, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

Yes the recording was made in secret, but nonetheless the racist remarks were picked up by big media. And just because we have privacy rights, those rights don't erase such comments for a person in a powerful position in the public eye. Public figures know that with their position comes responsibility and a loss of some privacy as is in the current media environment. As for his well financially maintained girlfriend, yes she's a questionable person, but her benefiting financially from their relationship is nothing new. And frankly, again, this is irrelevant. If Sterling ends up suing the NBA for their unjust punishment, and wins (that his privacy was compromised), he really can't gain much back!  The NBA is an organization, as with any organization, who maintains  professional standards which their members need to follow, therefore their ruling stands.

There's a bigger issue here, and that again is racism. We cannot erase racism. Not the views of our grandparents who were raised in a different world as is seen by our generation. However, race issues make progress because of public decisions like what the NBA handed down today. We, the NBA as an organization, have views and values that are Stronger then the individual. Therefore your either with us or against us. That's why the NBA had to address this matter so swiftly and passionately. Showing a united organizational front, showing that while their are racists among us, they better keep their poker face on, or else your out. And don't be fooled into thinking this is One Man, it doesn't matter. We can all sight historic examples where Blacks, Latinos, Women, and subcategories of those who were wronged because of perceived righteousness amongst the organizational leaders. But the tides have changed. Blacks didn't always serve in the military, women weren't always in the workforce, however things changed. And as public views change so does the public. Just not my grandparents generation.

Make Mistakes, Breathe, Reflect, and Laugh.Out.Loud

How to Help with Homework, School Strategies, What a Mom to Do?

The early elementary school years are about "learning how to learn." Strategies on how to read or count, because yes there is more then one way. As a new parent I didn't know what's job was when my older son started bringing school work home. I is find myself getting frustrated when he didn't complete worksheets correctly, or if he didn't understand a concept quickly or "get it." I am embarrassed because I feel I should've known better. But how? Or why would I know? No one taught me. So I am also "learning to learn how to help my kids" with their school work an what's expected.

What is Homework?

My husband and I discussed early on what our "job is as parents is" when it comes to school work. Just because he is a Principal doesn't always mean we have thought through our parenting role. Or that we agree on our roles... so we discuss, plan, reflect and readjust as needed.

Homework, in our home, in these early years means we are learning how to work hard at our school work. Mom included. Homework is not about being easy, or hard, it is about the time it takes to complete the work. About the steps involved in completing homework (sharpening your pencil, not wanting to do it when you have to, using an I-pad or book for research, etc.). Homework is "hard work" sometimes and that's okay, he is learning perseverance in times of, well... laziness.

My son brought home his reading test with a love note for his teacher. "This is not a full answer." However to my frustration she didn't review with him what a FULL ANSWER IS. So in turn, that's my job, the parents job is to reinforce ideas the child is and is not learning. And while I feel that a "complete answer" should be reviewed in class, I am happy to do it as best I can at home. Not perfect, but the best I can do.

So when we finished homework assignments that night, I had one more assignment for my son to do.

1. Read the instructions (or in this case the message from the teacher): I read to my son what the teacher had written.

2. Check for Understanding: Then I asked him did he understand what the teacher meant? "Can you tell me what a full answer is?" He said no.

3. Explain the Idea (explain what needs to be learned as best you can, simply...) I explained, again, with out being upset or frustrated because THIS IS MY PARENTING JOB what a full answer is. "A Complete or Full Answer is when you write down on the paper everything in your brain about the questions. How does the teacher know what's in your brain if your don't write it down?" We reviewed that he should write 2 - 3 sentences about the question, and suddenly he remembered learning how to write a "short answer" in class.

4. Do the work! Even though my son didn't want to, when he saw me drawing with a ruler the lines on the back of his page, "Mom, what are you doing?"
I said "I would like you to write the answer correctly."
"But mom I don't have to, we don't have to correct our test, it doesn't count."
Ha! He is still learning how "moms way" works. I said you need to "learn from his mistake. Making mistakes is important, that's how our brains learn. But we need to correct our mistakes when we can so our brain re-learns the correct way. Start Writing."

How to Help with Homework, School Strategies, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

In this photo you can see I drew three lines WITH A RULER (my son hates - or is lazy - about using his tools) so he can rewrite at home the proper answer that's "in his head." The next time he drew the lines, I cannot do this "work" for him.

The story the class read for the test was fresh in his mind. Even if we would have done this activity 1 or 2 days after the test, he would have been able to complete it. My son did have three ideas about the story he read. And he wrote three sentences (which he remembered was the maximum, "two is the minimum, mom"). If my son would not have remembered the story, I probably would've read him a short story and made up a question for him to answer. He still needed to DO the work.

5. Review The Work. We reviewed what he wrote. I asked him if he liked his new answer.

5a: Ask about their emotional state (this helps kids build confidence and make them feel good about learning and relearning from mistakes!). How did it make him feel? "Like I am smart." I said I felt "like you CAN show your teacher what is in your brain."

6. Review the old and new work. Compare them.  I read him his old answer and the new answer, and I asked him which one he liked best. He preferred the three sentences.

Learning from our mistakes IS one way to learn. As a parent I feel we just need to review school work and try to reinforce the ideas when papers come home with 100% or less. Homework is about doing the work not just about the grade.

No, my son did not have to turn in our correction - the purpose of this lesson was to learn how to do things correctly, not about the credit.


Make Mistakes. Breath, Reflect. and Laugh.Out.Loud

Easy Kids Activity: Tell Me a Story with Magnets

While online gift shopping I came across this nice idea for a storytelling game. "Story cubes" are dice with pictures on them, roll the dice and kids have to make up a story based on the images they rolled. Well of course why buy when you can make your own story telling game. This type of activity is easy and it helps kids build creativity skills, pre-reading skills, and a great way to keep them busy so you can get things done. Like my dinner...



Making dinner can be a challenging time. The Kids like to stay with me in the kitchen so I include them in the cooking whenever I can. But then terse times I need to occupy them. My younger son was playing with his Refrigerator magnets making the pieces "talk" to each other. When I asked a few questions about his story, eureka! A new Kids activity struck me.
We have many, many, many magnets that we have collected through the years. Alphabet letters, Melissa and Doug animals and dinosaur magnets, vacation souvenirs, a farm book with farm animals, and responsibility / rewards chart magnets. I keep things in a storage "just in case bin" or circulate some of these through so we don't get bored with them. This is a sample of the magnets from the fridge. 

Easy Kids Activity: Tell Me a Story Magnets, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

Our Tell Me a Story Game:

1. I grab 3 - 4 magnets from the storage bag and put them in a row on the fridge.

2. We talk about the picture on each magnet.

3. Then the kids "take a minute to think about a story using these 3 magnets." (At first, I had to make up the stories so the kids would get the idea of the game. Since about a dozen times playing, the kids now get more detailed, and very elaborate in their stories. Which may require more "thinking time.")

4. When my younger son is ready, he starts telling me his story.

5. PARENTS NEED TO LISTEN. Even though I am cooking (usually), I always stop to fully listen to the story. Its often short and I can spare the 1-2 minutes it takes him to tell me.

6. Then its moms turn to make up a story. I go last because I have found over time that my son simply imitates my story on his turn and just changes a few things around.

7. Pick new magnets and keep "story telling."




Variations:

-- Sometimes the kids pick their own magnets to use.

-- Or they pick some out for mom to make up a story.

-- Baby girl likes to take the magnets and "act out" her stories. Or she repeats segments of the story like "Roars" when my son said the Lion Roared at the Farmer. She is learning the game early on and will be vary familiar as her vocabulary grows.

-- We often put criteria on the story depending on what new things are happening in our lives. For example we have required many stories to "take place in Japan," when my husband and I were traveling there. Or my son makes the characters repeat an activity he learned in school that day.

The options are endless. We have also made up stories using the action figures we take to the car, and we have even started making up our own endings to the books we read at home. That's been really fun.

I hope we have introduced an easy, low-cost, game that's fun for kids.

Make Mistakes. Breath, Reflect. and Laugh.Out.Loud

Converted 12 x 9 foot Playroom into Centers

We have finally remodeled the playroom. I have been inspired to use centers (separate spaces) with in ONE Room for the kids. They often need their own "private" space to play, uninterrupted and not bothered by prying eyes and hands from their brothers and sister.

We've managed to play here a few times and it seems to be working nicely for those moments the kids want some quiet playtime (they love each other, but everyone needs a break from their siblings). 

Converted 12 x 9 foot Playroom into Centers, a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

Traveling with Kids, Beyond Packing Backpacks. My Young Son and the Camera, It's Not Just Taking Pictures, It's Complex Preparation for Life.

My younger son did get crazy bored when we were nearing approach for landing ... so I let him enjoy time with my smart phone camera. He took pictures, set them in the frame, and really took his time to snap EXACTLY what HE wanted in the picture.

Kids are constantly learning. I know he won't become an expert photograpaher just because he is using my camera here but he will learn something. Or it's the start of him learning something. I can remember the moments my dad took a moment to let me look thru the lens and snap a pic. Those moments were few and far between. I hope to give my kids waaaayyyyyy more of those moments.

Traveling with Kids, Beyond Packing Backpacks. Getting Kids "mentally" ready for long trips is just as important. "How to Talk to kids" about your upcoming vacation., a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

Again, the kids are learning about photography. They have NO IDEA what happens when you push the pic button.... Here he is learning about what's in the frame, lighting, etc. experimenting is how kids learn. I knew in this moment, it wasn't about a quality photo, it WAS about my son learning for himself - what will happen and how his pic will look.

Traveling with Kids, Beyond Packing Backpacks. Getting Kids "mentally" ready for long trips is just as important. "How to Talk to kids" about your upcoming vacation., a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

Then we went thru and deleted the ones he wasn't pleased with. I can only say this was a sanity saver for mom, but also he learned about cameras, the importance of staging and setting up your photographs, the frame (what gets "cut out"), lighting, and then, reviewing pictures to see how the photographs turned out (because as we all know they don't always turn out...). We talked a little bit about why certain pictures were too dark, or had parts "cut out."

Traveling with Kids, Beyond Packing Backpacks. Getting Kids "mentally" ready for long trips is just as important. "How to Talk to kids" about your upcoming vacation., a photo by areyousureaboutthatblog on Flickr.

Taking GOOD pictures IS NOT a simple thing. Yes you can point and shoot. Which I often do. But I want my kids to understand what "process" means. SO when they do pursue hobbies, crafts, and projects throughout their lives, THESE MOMENTS - a simple photograph on an airplane awaiting landing - helps build the skills they need to be successful. Look at all the factors described involved in taking a photograph... those are all steps in a process. That's A LOT for a kid to understand and grasp. Yet, broken down in to small "teaching moment" chunks, its very doable. For mom and son.

Make Mistakes. Breathe. Reflect. and Laugh.Out.Loud!

Early Math Addition Game with Dice: Math Facts Addition and Penmanship Practice all-in-one

My older 3rd grade son needs to continue learning his math facts (adding through answers to total 20). And flash cards are just so boring, but a necessary evil right?

Not so much. There's lots of ways to practice math facts without worksheets and flash cards. We got a nice dice game idea for my sons teacher. Roll the dice, shout the answer. We played a few times this way, my son loves the "pressure" to tell the answer out.

Now we have added a penmanship element. We have to write the addition problem from the dice and then write the answer. The first person to complete the math problem rolls again. If the other players still writing the previous math problem he might not even see the next roll, and that's okay, it's part of scoring. Whoever has the most problems written at the end of the game wins. We set the kitchen timer for 1 or 2 minutes, and off we go.

areyousureaboutthatblog Math Facts and Dice Game

The first game was a test... To "get the hang of it." But round two was fun. My son really caught on. He lost by one math problem less then I. In the test round he lost by 8. 

For round 3 my pre school younger son wants to roll the die too, so I had to wait to write the math problem until my son rolled his color die and said the color. It helped slow mom down for the 3rd grader to get a fair(er) shot at winning.

This adds penmanship practice, and math all in a fun game!

Make mistakes. Breath, reflect. And Laugh.Out.Loud