The Story behind the blog tag line ...
My original tag line was "The Days are Long, the Years are short," with a later added: "Enjoy every moment." All true. I witnessed how quickly my son grew, daily changes in him physically, and the pace at which he learned new things and built on those ideas blew me away. But then came my oh so many mommy mistakes. Make Mistakes I realized that I make a lot of mistakes, a lot.
Make Mistakes
In our projects where I expected my then 2-year old to attach stickers "exactly" in the right place. In my "quick to anger" behaviors. In how I handled situations "badly"... mistakes were everywhere. And even tho I did many things well (see other blog posts where we are having more fun than not) my personal irritation was my own mistakes. I felt bad. I felt I was a mommy failure.
"I felt bad. I felt I was a mommy failure."
It's a bad mix of being type A, and my Catholic upbringing. Thanks sister(s) Xavier, Vienia, and the like. But I knew I wouldn't want to stay at home if I kept feeling guilty. I think I offset my guilt with some of those crazy over the top projects. The kids scrapbooks with all our cool projects, especially "Project time with Magazine clippings" - my favorite. And perhaps that's why I always took young son everywhere, cool fun activities which he loved were perhaps subconsciously to help make up for all that yelling. (I'm rattling thru a reflection here, your living a moment of reflection in my head.) Everything's meant to be tho. You can't grow without failure to learn from.
Reflect
I needed to yell, like I heard often in my childhood, so I COULD CHANGE. I needed to have Catholic Guilt so I COULD CHANGE and grow to not feel bad any more. And into my life came reflection. I can say it was life changing! I was introduced to "reflecting" by my husband. (It was a "new to me" and "new theory" being used by his Principal Preparation Certification Program. I started to reflect on my mommy mistakes, and I CHOSE to do things differently, from yelling at my kids, breaking the cycle in our family multi-generational get angry and yell at kids, changing how I talk (tone and words) to my kids, our approach to school, etc., etc., etc., Reflecting became a part of my mommy process. And its hard, sometimes I'd cry and my behavior earlier in the day. "How could I ...."
I didn't always journal about it, but I did often discuss things with my hubby, my mom, some other close friends, and then I'd often blog about those big moments. But mostly the work was for me, to acknowledge and commit to change. Yelling and criticizing is just not an option. Realizing, and then embracing, that my kids and others will do things differently and work at their own pace. And accept it!
"I discovered a better closing thought for me: I would definitely continue to Make Mistakes. Even tho I learn everyday ..."
Now, I reflect (often and on everything) and learn from those faux pas. And so, I discovered a better closing thought for me: I would definitely continue to Make Mistakes. Even tho I learn everyday, mistakes and accidents still happen, far less often, but they do happen on occasion.
Breathe
My skill I had mastered to stop the anger was taking a deep breath, and Breathing in helped me let it go (and stop getting mad at everything). I also witnessed my younger son start overreacting to minor situations in a way older son hadn't. I knew more change needed to happen. Daniel Tiger had a great episode and song we'd sing, when you get mad, taking a deep breath & count to 5. It helped younger son and me. This step doesn't stop, and doesn't end. Anger is something deep inside of us. Sometimes warranted, and sometimes simply and overreaction, I still have some triggers, but I'm learning, and re-learning to transcend that anger, and transition it to better emotional responses instead. Frustration is okay, yelling is not.
Laugh.Out.Loud
I'm a crazy woman. I'm funny, I love to laugh, I love to play and have fun. I often will push "social" boundaries and live a little on the "safe" edge, to do what's write or get a laugh. Either way, I laugh at myself, often. I have to because my life can get a little,looney with my 3 monkeys. I love them passionately with all my soul! And I have to laugh to keep my sanity. The periods in between the words emphasize that's the end... The Laughter should be the final phase, to living, loving, and being with kids should often be days filled with lots and lots of laughter. I laugh out loud at myself, and with them.
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| I do it all for these 3. Always worth it. |
And so... Make mistakes. Breathe, Reflect, and Laugh.Out.Loud
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