More Questions About IT and How We Keep the Conversation Going

Earlier this year I wrote about how I'd have to bite the bullet and answer my older sons questions about sex. Since then we'be had several questions about sex, but his 9 year old questions aren't what you think they'd be.

My first post on this subject was:

Talking About "IT" with My Kids, Addressing Delicate Subjects Naturally with Kids

He asks me at least once a week: "Mom, can you come to my room (after you put the babies to bed) so we can "talk?" After I put the little ones to bed, I go to his room, seemingly more frequently lately. His questions haven't been about sex acts, except kissing. His questions have been about thoughts, feelings, and other 9 year old curiosity: 

How does kissing feel?

How does sex feel?

Why do people have kids?

Why do we say girls look sexy?

As for the "how does it feel?" Questions, I took the simpler is better approach. Well, it doesnt feel bad because then people wouldnt kiss and we wouldnt make babies. Natures life-cycle would end (appealing to his scientific mind). But of course when you love - trust - respect a special person in your life you do things that feel good. When older son pushed "but HOW does it feel?" 

"Any answer I give IS NOT 

THE EXACT right answer... but is something. 

And that starts the conversation."

I left it at like kissing mom or our family but way better, because when you lile someone you also feel butterflies in your stomach, and you get alot of excited energy passing in your body. So the excitement + butterflies + just the idea of smooching make a kiss with someone special feel like you dancing on air!

Surprisingly he was quiet. So was I.

We sat on the bed for a long, long moment. And he asked, so how does sex feel? And I said like smooching - with all those emotions following you - but we will talk about sex when your much older. I know your curious, but we have alot of time before you need to know more. (At least I really really hope so!)

Then the girls question came up, not surprisingly. My son hears the Hot Mama conversation at home: my husband often reacts to the HOT ladies on Latin TV "look at those sexy mamas." The boys giggle, dad smiles and its over. In our house sexyness is okay. We teach the kids about their bodies, loving their bodies, and about grooming how they look because my current parenting operating theory is "you are in charge of your body." How you dress, how you look, how you feel about yourself, you own those details - always! And feeling good about how you look is ok. Lovig your body is important. I want our kids to like their good looking body so they keep it healthy, and inorder to do that you need to eat healthy. Admiring other bodies - that look goood - with respect and genuine admiration is okay too. Yelling at women, whistling at men, and yelling to someone on the street "hey sexy mama" is not okay! 

And how do we draw those "appropriate" boundaries for our kids? Talking and talking and talking about it. Conversation hopeully will lead to an understanding of what we believe for our home.

Backfires does happen!

We've told our boys there is no dating until High School. We have heard unfortunately of middle school dating, and even fourth graders saying they have a boyfriend / girlfriend. What "dating" actually occurs for these grades isn't certain, but the kids are still preoccupied with things during class time with topics other then school.

My older son said he "was dared" to ask a girl out, and he did, and she said yes. "So what does that mean? Where will you go? You know you don't have permission to 'go out or date' anyone!" I don't know, he said.

This scenario lead to more CONVERSATIONS! Obviously we've reiterated our rules about dating, talked about how he ended up in this situation, and how to prevent it in the future. Yes this situation is NOT a "big deal" but if I can't talk about these types of subjects with my kids, then I won't be able to discuss simpler things - or serious ones.

He is old enough to ask questions, then he deserves an answer. Any answer I give IS NOT THE EXACT right answer... but is something. And that starts the conversation. 

My son looks to little to talk ABOUT IT. But he isn't. Now is the time so he can learn
what mommy feels is right for our home. And for him. 

Make Mistakes, breathe, reflect and Laugh.Out.Loud