"Don is going to be wearing [a fedora] until 1980," said Matt Weiner in 2009 and again in a later mini video-clip Mad Men commentary. "Think of your grandfather." He's also said Don Draper is based on elements of his own grandfather. From his suits to early work years in a fur store. Matt himself is portrayed as the sad daughter of Don character Sally, longing for her parents approval. Matt Weiner is a melancholy dramatist and he has stated in articles (listed here) he doesn't think he's ever had parental approval he so desires.
We know Don Draper is a faćade. A creation of an ideal man, thru the eyes of Dick Whitman. A man who came from nothing. I deeply understand the moment you discover "I thought I knew you." And you realize a person isn't at all who you thought they were.
I have been reading old (ha! Only 5 years prior) articles regarding Mad Men and the man that is Matt Weiner. When you hear Matt Weiner talk about all that is his life, you can see the parallels to his childhood and that of Sally Draper. His father was successful (but not attractive, more of the Pete). His mother and non practicing attorney, which is where Betty Draper is left studying to be a psychiatrist. In his home growing up you couldn't not know the answer to something. His mother perhaps a perfectionist, whom he still longs approval from, similar to Sally.
He commented in an article that the Mad Men era was idealized, and sold as sultry, fun, and desirable, but it was actually disgusting, sick, and over indulgent. I can only assume these are conversations Mr. Weiner witnessed between his father and grandfather. His dad criticizing the indulgence of the era, how it lacked depth, character, embodiment of anything important. He told the Atlantic "I was 18 years old, watching the world being run by a bunch of hypocrites, is what it was. And at the same time, they were telling us how they had invented sex, how great it was to do all those drugs, they had no responsibilities, they really believed in stuff, they were super-individuals. Then along comes this incredibly repressive, selfish, racist, money-grubbing …”
Exemplified in season one where being an "Ad Man" was criticized and questioned as an "actual profession." What do you do? Write commercials? How is that moving the human race forward in any way? Weiners father criticizing the genre seems true since he highly valued reading classic stories with rich characters. He had a drive to be an intelligent man (a neuro scientist) with obvious depth. He loved sharing his love of movies with dramatic scenes (maybe more obsession since Matt Weiner growing up was expected to know movie actor names and roles).
And so Matt Weiner shows us some Nostalgia for the era, in his specific attention to detail on the show! That is passion and truly caring for what you created - not just Nostalgia. Getting the vision from your head onto film - not a control freak - as he has been mis represented in the simple media. Many articles, including the Atlantic site "Weiner is the slightest bit touchy about his reputation as a control freak, especially when it comes to the period details of the show." (Journalist praise the show for its dramatic excellence and the. Criticize Weiner for his over the top attention to detail. One doesn't exist without the other.)
In this early article from the NY Times, early enough they spell out phonetically HOW to pronounce Matt Weiners name, you get and early insight into him as a man and the question that drives the show.
In many interviews he has said that Dons struggle is trying to see if "this is all there is" to life?
In Financial Times (link below) Matt said "It's the only question,” he says. “I think it’s what people seek from entertainment: who am I and why am I here?”
Should life be More exciting? Should life have a creshendo? A climax? Why do we always feel the same?
And the question is poses from Matt's own experience. Life feels the same. "He hints that he has, at an earlier time in his life, experienced the inner turmoil and melancholy that so consumes Tony Soprano and Don Draper. “I was there,” he says, flatly. “I would ask myself, ‘Why do I feel the same way I did when I was 18?’ Despite a family and personal success “And I would ask, ‘What’s wrong with me? Is that it?’ ”
Matt Weiner is not just exploring the genre thru the eyes of Dick Whitman, being the image he perceives as the man he created in Don Draper. The writer also created Sally who we watch grow up in the series. And Sally has a constant sadness in her. A long never ending emptyness. Perhaps cause by her perfectionist and cold mother, perhaps because of her constant missing father, but Matt's quote here sums up his drive to explore another side if the series. In hollywood reporter he said these powerful men don't discuss the emptyness of their own childhoods.
"And in their biographies of the great men of the 20th century, they don’t talk about that, these childhoods, because it’s filled with rural poverty and broken families and runaway dads and child abuse and, you know, the sex trade, all of it."
Instead men in society create a faćade. Perhaps all great 20th century men create thenselves a la Don Draper, who they WANT to be versus who they ARE? Men presenting what they want to remember, the glory, the sex, and how they were right to pursue these empty temporary moments of satusfaction. But Matt sees thru this "faćade" (a word used in MANY articles) and portrays a deep character pretending happiness (or melancholy) and actually lonely, longing, wanting - like all of our inner 18 year old selves.
Life's Lack of Resolution. How we never answer the big question.
Matt said in the Hollywood reporter that life doesn't have a resolution does it? "Resolution in itself is a mystery in this world. I don’t know what to say. Other than death, and even in death, I don’t know that there is that much resolution in [real] life ever anyway, and I’m always trying to approximate that on the show."
So I do not expect a big "resolution." I once theorized that Don would die in a drunken stooper, perhaps driving drunk. But most drunks survive car crashes, ironically because their so out of control of their bodies and limber. This season Don hasn't been as drunk in previous years, and He has veered off this path.
Don is an Example of my Father
Don isn't connected to anyone or anything. In Lost Horizon, he goes to see Sally before she leaves for school but, in typical Don fashion, missed her departure. He isn't even aware of what his sons are doing, following their own passions including baseball. Because there children, unimportant to him. He simply attempts to do what's expected, show up for the big moments, departures. But he is too selfish to give any of himself to his childrens lives or dare I say development.
Don reminds me of my very vain father. Longing for his aristocratic oats, which never really were his own. Being born in 1940 France, because his parents had to flee Poland as communism was taking hold. He grew up in his parents constant Nostalgia. Always longing for their old life, and denial of living in a Post War Poland. Longing for what they once owned in their lives. My own father as an adult man longs for that same sense Don Draper wants, that belonging to "something great." Whether it be because you make a mark on the world because if wealth or intellect. Ironically my grandparents aristocracy was never his world (his fathers lineage is even an extension if those actually granted the family title, it's not even a direct line.) Instead he grew up in the shadow of an idea, of a time and place. And now, where does this cold empty upbringing leave him as a man? Empty. He simply can't love. He tries, he experiences glimpses of love. But he runs away from that rush of emotion that takes over your chest, like witnessing the water flow over the Niagara Falls. And when that pressure arises, he retreats to the emptiness. He makes a rude remark, an insult, to push you away back to the distant line.
For Sally Draper, and for Matt Weiner, I want to share my tremendous closure process when it comes to my own Don Draper esque father. When we are young, in our childhood we naturally look up to our parents as all knowing, all ideal, and nearly our heros! We do learn from our parents who are either intentionally sharing a lesson, or unintentionally bestowing knowledge as we children observe them. My dad was my hero. He was funny, handsome, intelligent and confident. Later I experienced extremely uneasy feelings - deep in my gut - when I was old enough to understand his humor. People laughed because they were uncomfortable at his rude remarks. He made jokes at the expense of others. Fat jokes, dumb jokes, sexist jokes, and everyone laughed because you couldnt say stop it, thats too far; because then you would be the target of his attack. Make others look weak so you are strong.
He was handsome and confident, and aleays very proper and chivilrous, which came thru in his extreme arrogance. His desire to be RIGHT in everything he does superceded everyone else. At a glimpse a man SO confident can be attractive. Add a layer of ettiquette and he's very sexy. Treating you as a lady, defending honor, it's charming, like we see it in Don Draper. And if my father would make a leud remark, it was excused, as humor because surely "it was a joke since he acted to properly." But later I when I understood ineuendos and jokes for their underlying humor, I saw that arrogance was a shield. He had to be right because so often in his youth he must have been told he was wrong.
He was a "whoops baby" born 12 years junior to his brother. And I think his mother used him as her twisted ideas sounding bored. Telling him he's nothing but here is HOW you can be something. Do this do that, and he blindly did.
Since my grandmother (my Fathers mom) was so busy longing for her old life as a Countess, she ignored her childrens needs. Her husband had to work now, making her more bitter. Getting so little money for all the time spent away from her husband. She wasn't loving or emotional with them. She didn't teach her sons how to live and respect others, only to want, and throw a tantrum when you don't get what you want.
My father is clever, manupulating, and that takes intelligence. I always remember him telling me "look what your daddy can do." And when he saw me acting a little to cocky for my own good he said "don't tell people you know [something]. When you really do know, others will see it in you, and come to you for an answer. You don't have to show off." (He left out the part that when they come to you for an answer, that's when you can exert some control over them too.) My dad longed for praise. How good he was at fixing (minor) things. How he planned great trips. How he was funny and so socially charming. And he treated me his daughter, with that same faćade. That same fake charmer was my dad.
Resolution
Part I
In my 20's my husband and I would visit my dads house. Each visit ending badly, him criticzing my mothers side of the family. Always said in Polish, or when my husband left the room. So I was my fathers sounding board in private [and perhaps intentionally because if I complained to my husband, I'd seem crazy because my father never made the remarks in front of him.] Ripping into the chosen family member, cruelly portraying them in his self created memory. The people I loved, verbally abused. Over and over. I felt I'd make progress by not allowing discussion of one family member, standing silent at his comments. That door would then close, I'd feel such relief, it's finally over!! Maybe now I can have a "normal" talk with my dad, about me, him, current events. But it wasn't ever over. He would just move on to the next person. The next criticism. For every end I created over the course of 15 years - 8 in total comments about family members that ended his commentary - it has finally ended. And my finale was an abandoned Christmas - ending the aristocratic facade that you can continue abuse for the sake of friendship. We were estranged for 6 months.
Where does that leave my Father and I. Our relationship. And How is it going to end with Don Draper?
One evening I cried, and cried, saying "why us he doing this to me?" Why is he being so cruel? To hurt me? Doesn't he understand I don't repeat his comments? They just stay with me to bare, it's just cruelty to me!!
My husband said: "He is just treating you like he treats everyone else."
...
That was a huge moment for me. Over days it sunk in. I replayed scenarios from my childhood, his comments to others, his mischief, rudeness, anger... All being shared with me. I was never talked to that way in childhood (because he didn't really talk to me unless to talk at me). He never said I love you to me, except the one time I made him say it over the phone when I was in my teens. He showed me he cared with gifts, and a kiss hello and goodbye. Otherwise - in between - emptyness.
Growing up I saw my dad, the faćade of who he wanted to be. The Don Draper, smooth, charisma, eloquence. Like watching a movie in another language, seeing sexy handsome actors, adoring and using sexy women. Not hearing their real message because you don't speak the language. Only assuming connotation of what you want to hear.
Don did reveal to his kids his own childhood, how he grew up, the abuse, the poverty. Don Draper grew in character in a way my father never has. He hasn't shared his childhood details, very few when I have asked specific questions. And that's why Matt Weiners character is so loved, because he OWNS his childhood horrors, tells his kids, perhaps tarnishing their image of him. My father doesn't have the power Don does because he won't own his history. He won't talk about it. (TV shows aside, frankly he doesnt have the emotional toolbox to help him escape or to process his feelings. Don stays modern and reads current psychology (Dante's Inferno, Exodus) to - as a result - help him escape his childhood as "other" and leave it in the past. Don emotionally grows to accept and move on past his childhood. And a recap of every learning moment is highlighted by Uproxx.com -http://uproxx.com/tv/2015/05/matthew-weiner-has-been-telling-us-how-mad-men-will-end-for-years/
However I dont think that these moments are fireshadowing to Don Drapers death! Like when he strips his clothes, who he doesnt want to be on the beach commercial for Hilton Hotels. It isn't death of Don, just death of his childhood self and the baggage that comes with it.
Basic human interactions dont change, said Matt Weiner in the Finanvial Times. Eventho Don accepts his past, his character does t change. http://www.ft.com/intl/cms/s/2/2ab92e0c-d85f-11e4-8a68-00144feab7de.html
Acceptance
Part II
Then I saw a "Humans of New York" image of a young girl, with the quote from her talking about her own realization of her father. It was my a-ha moment.
https://m.facebook.com/humansofnewyork/photos/a.102107073196735.4429.102099916530784/864942523579849/
Humans of New York
"I realize now that my parents are just regular people with flaws, and my dad is not a villain. He's just an asshole."
My dad is not my hero, nor a villian. He is just an asshole. He no longer acts like his Dad Faćade. Instead he IS himself, and Let's me see that too.
Don Drapers Ending
As Matt Weiner said sometimes we don't get a resolution. And he admits to pulling from his own life experiences. He still seeks approval from his own parents.
Sally is Matt. My own Father and I speak almost monthly. I am distant, visits are surface level, filled with bull shit and current events. Emotionally empty. Throwing the kids around, rough housing with them. Only to exert control and "make them stop" when he's had enough (no 5-minute warnings here).
I have come to accept this Father. Shut off from sharing his true feelings - because I won't be his emotional punching bag. I accept this empty surface level relationship because that's the best he can do.
But Sally didn't have a loving mother struggling for her own identity. Betty Draper struggled to portray herself as perfect. And she was who she was, emotionally cold to her children. Sally never felt love, so she can be estranged from her parents, since there is no bridge, no hope for a connection.
My father drank and drank like Don. He also ate as he pleased, steak, eggs, Polish Sauage and Potatoes. He also suffered a heart attack at age 51 amd subsequent triple by-pass surgery; consequences of the life well lived, in excess.
Throughout the series, we have witnessed Don in his owns thoughts, laying on a couch in his office staring at the popcorn ceiling, or a fly on a wall, or driving and imagining his past, future, fantasy.
In the end an elderly Don will be sitting, in a fedora, Alone, remembering his life. (Perhaps he sexually looks and ogles a hot nurse as she passes by him and asks if he needs anything in a hospital like environment.) Shortly thereafter, his estranged daughter Sally gets a phone call that her father has died, of a Heart Attack (Don is at age 50-60-ish.) Perhaps there's a previous "cold" moment exchanged between Sally and her mom, still totally empty of emotion and acceptance.
Cold. Very Matt Weiner-esque.
In 2012 Matt declared he knew how it was all going to end.
"Weiner confirmed that he knows “exactly how everything’s going to end.” He didn’t elaborate but had been quoted previously saying that he wants to wrap the series in present day with Don Draper as an old man."
http://deadline.com/2012/03/creator-matt-weiner-talks-mad-men-end-game-takes-shots-at-actors-243784/
Other great articles offering insight into Matt Weiner and the end of the Mad Men era.
Vanity Fair
http://www.vanityfair.com/news/2009/09/mad-men200909
Even Matt Weiner says Don Draper is a Bad Person who does Bad Things in the Atlantic. Can you recover from that? I thin that why Dons life is empty... He never recovers.
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/04/the-madness-of-matthew-weiner/358638/
Matt weiner said in Hollywood reporter he doesnt "repeat endings" - so there is no Suicide for Don.
How did the series progress from the first episode? Don has grown, or has he? What is "all this" in Dons life?
