How to Talk to Your Kids about Adults they should stay away from...

We are at our local park nearly everyday. And nearly everyday we see this weird guy in the neighborhood, walking his big black dog (who as an aside is very aggressive, barking at little kids). Why is he weird? Well I personally get a gut alarm and an uncomfortable feeling around him. He stares at the kids, and not in an admiring way. Especially staring at little girls. What can we as parents do? Unfortunately not much, but we can prepare our children for dealing with creepers around our neighborhood.

Stranger danger doesn't really exist. Most people who commit crimes against children have a pre existing relationship with them, either a family member, a friends parent or a neighbor. So it makes predicting who would harm your child even more difficult since their probably in the family circle already. Which brings us back to this guy at the park. He's in our neighborhood. My kids see him regularly, which seeing him often might make them think he's a safe adult just because we are "used to" seeing him around.  But as the Illinois Sexual Assault registry shows us, predators live everywhere, and sometimes in proximity of our neighborhood, arguably they are someone's neighbor!

I've told my boys, when he's in the park, to come and sit y me so I can tell them something. "See that man over there, don't point at him. He's the one with the black dog. Well we aren't ever allowed to go near him." 

"Why not?"

"Well you know how sometimes you get that weird feeling in your stomach when you've done something wrong, or you see someone doing something wrong? Well that's how mommy feels about him. And sometimes adults know a little bit more then kids about weird adults who might be unsafe. So lets stay away from him."

Over the last two years we have seen this man around. And I've told my boys not to make a big deal about him. Just to always observe where he is, and if he's ever getting close to you, you go play on the other side away from him. And they do pay attention. I've alerted their "inner red flag" gut system. And I'm teaching them to pay attention to that feeling.

One day we were at the local Donut Shop with my husband and the kids and he was there, sitting with two other men. They all seemed a little intoxicated. There we some pre-teen girls there, in summer shorts and T's. The 3 men were staring at them, and making comments to each other under there breaths. Husband and I were in ear shot. We we disgusted. The girls were 10-13 years old, not physically developed yet. It was horrifying. The girls left, and we left after them. 

Whenever I have an uncomfortable Feeling about someone, I always question that feeling, "am I jumping to conclusions? Maybe I'm wrong?" But since I pay close attention usually I'm right. Usually it doesn't turn out to be nothing. So moms pay attention to your inner voice, instinct, and that gut feeling we get. It's not nothing! And tell your kids!

Since the donut shop incident, I've warned my kids even firmer. They are "never allowed near him. And if he ever tries to talk to a girl when your here you must let mommy know right away." What I'd do, I don't know. Probably what I do well, I'd yell at the guy vulgarities and tell him to leave the girls alone, while telling her to get away from him.

He's gotten more forward thru the years, coming into the park play area nearer to the kids, and not just the outter perimeter of the park. That's frustrating. But we do what we can which is notice him, and stay away.

The days are long and the years are short, so enjoy every moment now.