My Son Lost his Toy and I AM NOT Buying Him a New One

Since my eldest was a toddler I taught NOT to take toys in when we went shopping, to a museum, library or any activity. Because the instant kids go into their destination they drop their toy "like its hot" and head to the first thing that catches their eye. Buh-bye toy.

It's not my job to pick up and carry that thing around. I've gotta diaper bag and two other kids I'm schlepping around and that's plenty enough for me.

So, for the most part we rarely, ever, loose a toy. My son nor I can remember it happening, until a recent visit to the library. We went to dinner after school and he took in his new red apple shaped plush "fruit ninja." He cashed in his big 1,000 ticket jackpot win at a birthday party gamę Palace for the Priceless "In the moment pop culture" plush. Generally I don't allow plush toys out of the house because they easily pick up germs. But I made an exception on this special "no occasion" day.

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He remembers bringing his toy back to the car, as do I. Then we went to the library. I didn't remember him brining it in, per our "toy rules." He went in, took off his coat, and ran to find his book "diary of a wimpy kid." But that night after we returned home he remembered his fruit ninja. We figured it was in the car and we'd get it in the morning. Well when we went to the car it wasn't there. "Did you check behind behind your chair ?" Yes! "Under your feet?" Two affirmatives but no toy.

I called the library. I told him not to be hopeful, I didn't think it was there. Nope, it wasn't there. And my son cried, hard, like I've never seen him cry (not counting being hurt). "I know your disappointed" I said. "It was MY FAVORITE!" (Of course I'd never heard another toy described that way - ha!.) I didn't try to minimize his feelings tho.

This was a great tragedy, like Romeo and Juliet, like The Trojan War - well in a kids perspective anyway.

And my next instinct was, "Honey you have some birthday money left to buy a new one," and then I in my head I heard the sound of screeching breaks, wait a minute. I stopped myself. This was a great mommy moment. Is that the right message? There will be many disappointments in life, and sometimes things are not replaceable (even tho the fruit ninja is). So (gulp) I let him cry. I was driving the car and I while I was slightly amused at the intensity of his feelings over this Thing, I still melt because my baby was hurting inside. So I just said "I wish I could give you a big hug right now." He said "I wish you could too."

I didn't blame him for the loss of his toy either. His feelings of sadness were lesson enough of loosing track of his toy. I didn't say, like I instinctively felt to say "see what happens when you take your toys out of the house." But for us luckily that doesn't happen, this was a first in 7 years.

My older sons occasional hiding fort, when he needs alone time.

The crying stopped. I also did my mom job, I called the restaurant and the library. Nothing. And so we drove in silence, ... But then I remembered (this is my son were talking about here). During clean up time he steps right over a toy and says he's done! Blind as a man!! Hey "did you check under your feet?" "Yes, I did" as he's looking, again... And up comes the ninja. He didn't cheer, or get excited. He hugged his ninja. And it was over.

He knew he lost track of it. He felt the consequential loss. That was lesson enough, as brief as that 15 minutes we were in the car.


Make mistakes, breathe, reflect and Laugh.Out.Loud.