Don't get me wrong Derek Shepard is a man, All Man. Down to the last sexy drop!! And Meredith is feminine, but not in the lipstick and cute trendy hairstyle kind of way. I've always felt that Derek Shepard's role in his marriage was so gentle. Yet he was the lighting rod, moral strength, he was chasing Meredith to make up, being romantic, he was of course so sexy and what every women wants in a man. But in general, this is what women WANT. We want that romance, that pursuit, that real vulnerability he shows Meredith. And eventho he's gorgeous and sexy manly, his character does things that are often a traditionally female role like "giving in" to decisions (when he said he would help more with the kids so Meredith can work). Emotionally he would help Meredith thru her anxiety, genuinely "supporting her" (more female character like) and NOT simply problem-solving (like a typical male).
Meredith however was the strong wife. Eventho she was high anxiety, she was the decision maker (a traditionally male role) in her marriage. Even thru her crazy decision making process - and anxiety - she pushed for Zola, she pushed her career and Derek's. She is an example of a typical women trying to balance both her children and career and struggling with those choices, as "society" would want her to struggle.
Why Grey's Anatomy character Derek Sheppard Needed to Die
If you can see the traditional role reversal in Meredith Grey and Derek Sheppard's marriage, you could actually anticipate his death. There is a movie theory on "traditional female character types" falling into a few buckets. Two of which are Eve and Lilith (you can see more on the explanation of Eve and Lilith at the end of this post). Thru this perspective, where Derek Sheppard is written as an Eve character, making decisions for "his family's benefit" and not his own, the ability to seduce Meredith in their courtship, being so caring for his wife, when he switches gears and wants to pursue his passion - that's when he takes on the characteristics of a Lilith... And we know what happens to female characters who pursue passions, and desires, even if they are for their careers. These Liliths never reach 100% happiness, they never are allowed to have everything, and neither does Derek Sheppard.
Derek was frustrated with leaving the opportunity to go to Washington DC on the table. And he made the decision with out consulting Meredith, she in turn knows he belongs in DC and tells him to go. Her character sacrifices, for her man to pursue his opportunity! Meredith was gaining on her own career and finding that unattainable "balance" and here's her man who wants more. Meredith remains in her marriage, as the traditionally male role, a decision maker for the greater good.
As for Derek, he made a choice. And now he's frustrated with staying and not pursuing DC. He wants to "leave his family" and pursue "the greater good" for medicine. But Derek tends, in his marriage to take on the female role characteristics, and his decision making is impulsive, he doesn't discuss staying with Meredith altho he wants to pursue his passion and not keep his family responsibilities as the priority.
And so in this last episode of Season 11, Derek needed to die to level the playing field for female characters and fulfill his Lilith role. Finally a man, in the switch from being an Eve to a Lilith role, pays the price. In movies, a female Lilith would suffer die, punishment for chasing her dreams and not choosing family. . . Except here Lilith is the Male Character.
Meredith Grey had already let him go when she told him to go to DC. She already knew they relationship had ended and they'd be separated. (I'm assuming some things about long distance relationships, Derek had an affair on, is first wife Addison, these "things" happen, Washington D.C. is infamous for it's affairs and liaisons, doctors have the next highest divorce rates next to police officers, yes I have thought this thru since Derek got hit by the truck!) And so what could've been another season worth of episodes, Meredith narrating the end of her marriage, her divorce party, and woe-fully experiencing her ex-husbands 3rd marriage to a young resident, instead we received a fateful just end for a "al la Lilith" man leaving his family. This time the guy paid the price.
A Brief informal Background of the Movie Character Theory of Eve and Lilith
Female characters
These leading ladies make choices, sometimes "for themselves" versus the choice society wants them to make "family." A Lilith will end up feeling unfulfilled and even have a character death. Eve, who can seduce a
man, and be the moral divining rod for her family, will be the more accepted female role and societies view of women. All female characters, in movie theory, will fall into a few character types, two of which are Eve, of Adam and Eve, who supposedly had a spunky sister Lilith. The Clean, proper, following societies rules character of Eve lives in movies making the choices society wants her to make. Even if it includes seducing her man. The Lilith type characters make choices that are for her, "selfish," and not in "societyies benefit." The Lilith's don't stay with their families, instead they chase their dreams. Lilith was supposedly the first wife of Adam, but she wouldn't submit to her husband, and fled. Then Adam was given Eve, who has the power to seduce him, and is the moral decision making for the pair.
Additional reading on this Movie Character theory:
Gender, I-deology: Essays on Theory, Fiction and Film
By Chantal Cornut-Gentille D'ArcyAn interesting perspective: Lilith the Rebel http://marxist-theory-of-art.blogspot.com/2014/02/lilith-rebel-between-texts.html?m=1
Make Mistakes, breathe, reflect and Laugh.Out.Loud
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