Which spurred yet another repeat of the conversation at home: should we hold our son - the youngest in the class - back a school year. In theory his grades, and overall school progress would improve, but would he benefit from it?
My oldest son is an August baby. Fabulous and easy fun in the sun birthday party joy, compared to my other two winter babies. We have a few friends in the yard and in the baby swim pool = a done and done party. School selection and deciding whether or not to hold him back since he'd be "THE youngest" in the class = ??? Errr Hugh ummmm??
I wasn't familiar with the term "Red Shirting" or even considering holding my son back due to his age. Nor did I know that IS an option.
The same scenario continued in First and Second Grade. And this year, mid-year in second grade we considered (well discussed) holding him back, possibly repeating the class. The teacher brought to us some of her concerns of his slow progress in reading and math. That is a parent teacher post that - if this subject resonates with you - please read here... Because in some cases, it could be a teacher dynamic that's part of the problem!
Here are some things to consider before holding your child back a school year: (BTW, an Update to our story is here...)
Let's Consider:
-- Let kids grow and learn at their own pace.
-- When I told my mom my concern Older Son wasn't writing well. She shared with me that in Poland children did not start writing until second grade around age 7 or 8. However they knew how to tie their shoes and they knew all the preschool songs in those early years. Sometimes our priorities change, and that's what were living through in our generation. The education system is changing and priorities are reading and writing, in preschool even!!
-- Some of the kids and my sons class are a whole two or three years older than he is. Now in the second grade there are some boys that are just towering over him. He is age 7 and some of those kids will be turning age 10 before the end of the school year. To me I don't want him being the biggest boy in class because in fourth and fifth grade because then his friends will tease him the opposite direction "why are you here" & "why are you in the next grade?"
-- It's a fact of life, schools have to measure, they have to evaluate, and one way to do that is by comparing the students even though they're not supposed to and they just supposed to look at the students and individual capacity. But when you have nine-year-old in a majority seven and eight-year-old class they throw off the curve. Clearly they're gonna do things better and quicker in class. So that's another big factor to re-considering when the teacher says "he's not keeping up with the class," well how was he doing in HIS own abilities. I Always tell my kids "do your very best."
These aren't excuses, these are facts of life. And they're all things that we need to consider when evaluating how well her children are doing in school. So I'm always going to remember these factors when I sit down and talk with the teacher.
Let's Remember Every Year with the Next New-To-Me Teachers:
-- He does have to do the work, he does have to do well. It might take him a little longer to get a concept, and we might have to do a little bit of extra work at home, in order to really learn what's being done in school. In our case we've observed is at a learning curve of about a half year, by the mid-school year he's back on pace with the class. Because of his age.
-- We don't want our son to lose his true curiosity and "love of learning." If we move him back a year and retain him and keep him to be maybe more within the middle of (age) the pack, instead of the youngest in the class, we don't want him to lose his hunger for learning. We don't want him basically to be bored in class. And we saw those "older kids" in class thru the later years have major issues in class frequently disrupting, not sitting in their seats, they are bored out of their minds with the content. That's another big reason for us.
What we've lived through:
In first grade teasing by some of the older kids was quite a big issue. He didn't know how to handle those situations. Read our big boy post here. And I'm finding as I observed the children playing that bigger kids do tend to pick on younger kids, just because they can. So that's a quite a bit of work and resolution and mentoring our son to let them know that sometimes kids are just mean.
-- Also on younger kids in class emotional development is lagged. Along the lines of teasing comes some emotional development factors that play a role in the class. Being the youngest means sometimes you can't handle things as well as the other kids, you get tired faster during the day. My son was still napping after half-day kindergarten at age 5. It's just something that's a part of who he is. My second son doesn't nap during the day as often as my older one did and he doesn't ask for it the way the older one did. Each child's different and unique and that needs to be taken into consideration, including their emotional development. (My oldest sons in second grade now and at pick up I still witness some total tantrums and meltdowns by his classmates. So the emotional component with boys can't be ignored. I can't stress enough how labeling emotions (helping him process his feelings) helps to get us through being the youngest in the class. Read more here.)
Update: End of the School Year
So where are we now? It's the end of the Year, we have completed second grade, and my son is doing ridiculously well. Everything except penmanship. Penmanship has significantly improved. But by no means is he a calligrapher. Our standard is that the "teacher has to be able to read the work." It has to be clear and legible enough that she can see if it's a number nine or a four? We're working on the new standards-based report card so he is getting all two's, mostly three's. And on his science and social studies test he's getting that "going beyond" question and four's on the test. This compared to the beginning of the year which was mostly one's and some two's when he came to comprehension. (I was also super stressed about his grades at the beginning of the year.)
One more quick item, my son is pretty intelligent. He's a problem solver. When issues arise in class you could see his little wheels turning in his brain on how to fix the problem. He has tremendous knowledge of animals their habitats and their species. Uses scientific words correctly as well. So you can tell a little bit of the type of household we run by this information.
That's another big factor in our decision WHY I'm not "holding them back" a grade. He gets "it (insert subject here)." He gets the concepts in class & he gets the schoolwork to be completed. Our school uses the basal system, so there studies are all based on worksheets and after a few months are BORINNNNNG !!! Yeah I hate to say it, some factors of school are boring, including some issues we had with the teacher. See the post here about his teacher. But he still needs to do well in school!!
So remember as a parent don't be quick to jump to conclusions. Sit down talk it out with your spouse, partner or trusted family members and friends. Get perspectives from other people before you make a decision. Because schools serve the majority. They want students to go with the flow and not be needing any special attention or added needs. Schools will want to push you into what's best for them and what's easiest for the teachers, Not necessarily what's best for the child. I hate to say that but it's just true. And it's not a criticism of schools, how would a school operate if they didn't have standards for kids to follow, nothing would get done. So just remember advocate for yourself. And your child.
An Update to this story is here.
"The days are long, the years are short"
Make Mistakes. Breathe, reflect, revise. And Laugh.Out.Loud.
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