New Baby or Have a Toddler - Recommended Books that will be your Resources

As we know it takes a village to raise a child. And regardless of the free advice from family and friends, it is nice to get realistic, sane, and reusable advice too from "more" reliable resources. Reusable because at 2:00 in the morning, trust me, you won't always remember what your mom or the doctor told you. . . at 2 a.m. you probably won't remember much at all.

These pregnancy / baby book recommendations were my lifeline for everything from bathing and changing the baby, to fevers and rashes....all of which can be scary situations to a new mom or dad and even an experienced mom. These books are easily kept by your bedside as reference material for that 2:00 a.m. wake up call from baby.

Happy reading! Love every moment of pregnancy - and take pictures....

The Seven Book Recommendations Include Title and Authors, with links to Amazon.com (where you can see the cover page of the book, notes from other readers, etc.). Six books are great for new or expecting parents, even one book just for dad.These are still my reference books with my boys today (ages 5 and 2)!! Happy reading...

Baby Love A Tradition of Calm Parenting
- by Maud Bryt

Before you get all caught up in what to buy for baby, what to expect from your pregnancy and the other anxious feelings we get from being pregnant....this book is a realistic, fun, and WONDERFUL way to think about having your baby. Truly at the core of being a mom in the first year.

Quick read, short book. This is a great guide to getting ready for baby (practical stuff). Everything from pre-baby preparations thru the first few weeks with baby, written by a women who's mother and grandma and great grandma were midwives in Holland. Women who helped new moms in the first few weeks after birth. I LOVE this book for being a practical mom and how to care for a newborn. Love the quick chapters on creating soothing routines and having what you REALLY need for baby. Tips from clothes and baths, to naps and feeding, and handling visitors and outings (it'll give you ideas on what to return to the store after the baby shower). It may be a special order online and not available in bookstores, but worth it!!

I do want to add - that in our "Western" culture we tend to overbuy, and underuse. The Baby Love book does a truly good job explaining the practical things you need to register for/buy for baby. Even great travel advice.  

Table of Contents/Chapters: (126 pages)

Introduction, Nursery, Clothing, Food, Sleep, Crying, Bath, Diaper, Play (with sub-headings like sight, smell, taste, sound and baby-proofing advice) , Outings, Family, Illness, Visitors (sub-heading like Rules for Visitors and Keeping up with Thank You Notes and Pictures).

  

Dr. Spocks Baby and Child Care

- by Benjamin Spock and Robert Needleman, MDs - 8th Edition or Later
This thick book is my bible !!! Still with my oldest being 5!! It is quick reference 1-2 pages on what to do with a fever at 1:00 am, call the doctor or not. Everything on caring for baby in the first few weeks thru toddler years and adolescents. I still use this as a reference for diaper rash and fevers to the color of babies poop (yes a captivating topic for new or experienced parents, and grand parents alike)!! A must have! And it address topics from Pregnancy, Birth, Baby thru adolescents topics for Age 5 and up thru the teeenage years....a must have and at 1:00am it's real peace of mind!

There is wonderful advice as well about buying items that "grow with baby." And if you are considering getting one of those great "Travel System" strollers where baby sits in the carrier and is "clicked" into the car seat or into the stroller without leaving the carrier - yeah, READ SPOCK! I never thought of it as other then a convenient system, until I read Spock who wrote: "It's a great way to never have to touch your baby...." Definitely food for thought.

Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy

- by Mayo Clinic
This is for you and Daddy. It's all about what's happening to mom, and baby, during pregnancy. The book is laid out into section a few pages each for symptoms and changes in the first few, and then by month. What to expect and how you will feel from the variety of changes in your emotions, body changes and physical symptoms. It also has a list at the end of each months section of symptoms you may have, for example spotting or cramps, when to wait 24-hours to call your doctor, when to call immediatly and what can wait until the next visit! Great guide to keep your sanity during pregnancy. It also has chapters on delivery options, mom and babies after care and the continuing changes in your emotions, and some brief topics on baby care.

This book is far less "scary" then some of the other popular books about the months during pregnancy.

Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby

- by Tracy Hogg

AND

Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers

- by Tracy Hogg

This book series is wonderful! Another quick reference guide style book - a quick read on a multitude of topics for help and how to care for your new born baby. But the unique approach in this series of books is helping us moms understand "what type of mom" we are - so we can better cope with our baby. Daily structures and routines are not only the way to keep baby happy but help keep mom sane too. There's also the introduction to "what type of baby" you may have....I was a non-believer until I took the quick quiz. Understanding your babies tempermant will help you select the right type of care for baby.  

Amazon book review: "...whether you're a "planner" or a "winger," and what level of daily structure you are likely to find helpful. In the same chapter, she identifies five general temperaments of infants, how to get an accurate feel for yours, and what methods of care are likely to be the most effective for his temperament 

Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers - by Tracy Hogg

As baby gets bigger (age 18 months and up). This is a quick read and reference guide to preventnig tantrums, eating and fussiness, potty training, outings, understanding who is your baby/toddler, parenting is about routines and of course keeping dad involved. I still reference this book for my sons (now age 5 "Angel" and a re-read for the "Spirited" 2-year old)! I love this for transitioning to when baby starts to walk and the next phase of parenting...

What I wish tho is that I read this book in the first year - BEFORE 18 months. Early on with my first son, I would get TOTALLY stressed if he was off his "routines" (I hadnt read the Baby Whisperer part I yet!). I didn't learn until after I read the "Baby Whisperer for Toddlers" when he was age 2 that it's OK if once in a while we are off routine (like taking a late nap, or missing a feeding). The book offers wonderful advice and peace of mind for us "schedule" or "routine" driven moms'. I would have Saved myself some stress (ok, a lot of stress ;-)  

Baby Signs
-  Linda acredolo and Susan Goldwyn PHDs
If you are "on the fence" about Baby-Signing (or have never heard of the subject) then this is a book worth thumbing thru! I am a huge believer in Baby Signs. It's awesome when baby is 10 or 12 months (usually only saying mama and dada) and they can SHOW you they are thirsty, hungry or want a new diaper - talk about preventing tantrums. SOme babies can sign even sooner, and some learn to sign even later. But if this blog was about keeping your sanity as a mom....then I would ONLY reference this book!!!

I have hung out at play groups and personally witnessed a difference with my kids because they can communicate with me BEFORE they could talk. I still reference this book - often actually. Like today we are going to the acquarium and needed a refresher on the sign for fish, frog and snake... :-) Also, from an educational view point the authors site studies that show babies who "sign" have a higher IQ in their later early education years. The study in the book details how the brain is making the basic building block connections for words.

Think about it - how hard it is to say CAR after only being able, as a baby, to drool, coo, and maybe say "Ah!" To have your non-verbal baby / toddler be able to show you "thirsty" instead of screaming for their cup! Comeon mom's, need I say more?

But for me it's the sanity of communicating with baby BEFORE baby can talk.



For the Dad:

The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips and Advice for Dads-to-Be, Second Edition 
- by Armin A. Brott

When I would lay in bed and read my once a month chapter from the Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy, my husband would read his version of the book - A Guys understanding of pregnancy!! "Fabulous, Awesome, and Really Helpful" says the dad to be...


Happy reading, and enjoy this special time!

What to ask at Parent Teacher Conference

Ever wonder what to talk about at Parent Teacher Conferences. Especially discussion that is beyond the standard "how is s/he doing in class?" After doing some homework of my own, here are two questions that will easily get you a better answer then the standard  "s/he's doing well."


Two Questions to ask your child/ren's teachers at Parent-Teacher Conferences:

1. What will my son/daughter learn by the end of the school year?

2. What should we be working on at home?
Details about these questions are below.


Couple of tips for a successful Parent Teacher Conference.

1. Listen! This is the hardest one. As parents we are often overflowing with pride (or hiding under the desk) after what we hear from the teacher about our children. This is the Teachers time to TELL YOU about what happens with your child in THEIR classroom. I understand you might hear things you do not like. But try not to instantly "defend" your kid - or make excuses. First really try to see things from the teachers perspective. (Dont stop reading until you see Step 3.)

2. Acknowledge that you heard what the teacher said. This doesn't mean you agree. It just means you understand their concern/point.
- (If necessary) Tell the teacher you will discuss this topic with your child at home, then you can ask if you can set up a separate Conference at a later date if you still need to talk about your/their concerns later.


If you are reading this post, please post a comment below on what you liked - or didn't  - about this read. Does the topic interest you and you want to know more? Submit a question and I am happy to tackle it.


3. Try to be open and understanding. Stand out from the rest of the parents and don't be defensive about your child. Sometimes (surprisingly) our children act differently in the classroom. Regardless of why, my normally polite and outgoing child was relatively quiet (and rude) in class. Which can positive and negative, but how will I know if I don't listen to the teacher and try to understand.

4. Say Thank You to the Teacher. This teacher spends a lot of time with your child, and is hopefully addressing your kids needs. Depending on school before care and after care, teachers spend anywhere from a typical 7 hour school day with our babies to a whopping 10 hours... Say thanks - it can't hurt.

5. The teacher is nervous too (maybe). Even the most veteran teacher gets butterflies at parent teacher conferences. Every year its a new group of parents, a new batch of kids. So remember, you and the teacher might feel the same way. And you are there for the same reason, your little one.

These questions are suitable to ask not only the Lead teacher but also the specials teachers, including art, music, etc. Schools don't always habe a sign-up time with these additional yet equally important group, therefore seek them out. (Emails a great way to set up times in advance.)

Where should my child be in his school work at the end of the year?

Some answers you are looking for will include the major goals for the class by the end of the year. In Kindergarten, perhaps they should be able to write their first and last name legibly or have memorized 150 sight words. In 3rd grade teachers may look for essay writing skills or memorized the Multiplication table 0 thru 12. Many "goals" and things that our kids are learning are based on State standards (which is addressed briefly below). Obviously as schools integrate the 2010 Common Core legislation, those standards take precedence.

Be prepared to get a wide array of answers too. Some teachers may pull out the "guidelines" for the class showing you exactly what the kids learn week to week. My sons Spanish teacher showed me her lesson chart showing colors and numbers will be learned in the next two weeks and learning about animals in the upcoming month. She also reviewed the objective of the class (for our school it was) "exposure to a second language and not fluency."

Other teachers may simply answer with "here's what we a working on now (counting money or journaling) and by the end of the year "he should be able to write his first and last name legibly."


State Standards and Classroom Objectives

Most states have "state standards" which are the minimum in learning goals and objectives children need to have gained in their grade for that school year. These goals are organized by daily lessons, weeks, quarters, and through the end of the school year.  Your individual school, public, private, charter or otherwise will have additional standards to meet in their schools mission and vision. For example, a vocational school will have labor related tasks and concepts the students need to learn, where a catholic school has additional religious concepts the students learn.


What should we be working on at home? Or what can I do after school to help reinforce what's being taught at school?

This question serves a two fold purpose. First: it shows the teacher that you are interested and responsible in aiding in your Childs education. Homework (and after school study time) is critical to build healthy study habits and to reinforce / review what was learned at school during the day. (Homework however, in the Primary years, is not for learning new ideas. See this blog post where re-teaching math at home WAS WORKING, when it shouldn't have.) Secondly, this question helps to make sure the parent and teacher are "on the same page" regarding what work should be done at home.


It takes a village.... And It Looks Like Pieces of a Pie

Look, we all know that it takes a village to raise a child. I always explain my children's learning for me equates to how you view slices of a pie to equal a whole. A whole pie has many slices: one for what is learned in school, one for what we learn on the playground, one for home learning (which includes manners, self care, and reinforcing school learning at home). Other pie slices are other family members time and what kids learn (with grandparents, aunts, uncles), time with friends/outside/park, vacations and leisure time (yes, kids are always learning), and the "accidental learning" or teachable moments. Of course there's more then this simplicity to teaching and learning, and them add that we are also raising a child. Talking to their teachers is another piece of your child's learning pie - everyone plays a part in the schooling of our children - including you.

Make Mistakes, breathe, reflect and  Laugh.Out.Loud

City Mouse and Country Mouse… ideas on deciding to live in an Urban Area or a Rural Area?

I thought about moving recently. Packing up the whole family to either a nearby suburb to be closer to my dad or to Northwest Indiana, closer to my mom.   This analysis is strictly my opinion on some of the benefits and deficits of living in a Rural Area and an Urban Area. This list is related to the life-things and business we look for as a family, like outings to do with our family, time in nature, cultural experiences, etc. And for sake of this public blog-conversation, I am going to leave the matters of our specific family details, and those pluses and minuses, OUT of this blog.

Positive Reasons to Live in a Rural Area (vs. New York, Chicago or Other Major Metropolitan Area), and the negatives of city life…

1.  Home Purchase Power, Price Comparison – for the price of our Home in the City which is a 2-story family size home, 3 bedrooms and 2½ bath, 15 miles out of downtown, roughly 2,500 sq ft, 1½ times the size standard city lot, ample yard for a garden and kids play area, we could significantly increase our space in a rural area. We could have an even larger 5 bedroom home, full basement, in ground swimming pool and easily have an acre of land – just for the yard.

2.  Property Tax Comparison. Ha! There is no “comparison! The property tax in the rural area is 25% of our city property taxes. Done.

If you are reading this post, please post a comment below on what you liked - or didn't  - about this read. Does the topic interest you and you want to know more? Submit a question and I am happy to tackle it.

3.  What long lines? Clearly a rural area has less people; So long lines are a thing of the past! If you want to “run” to the grocery store for a quick purchase YOU CAN! There probably 3 cashiers to help you. In my town, there’s one cashier and self checkout….and of course the LONG LINE of 10 people in each lane waiting to pay…with a check!

4.  PARKING!!! Woo-hoo…parking is everywhere. Less door dings, less fender bumps, and no bumper scratches. There is literally parking everywhere you go. And it’s not parallel parking, real parking lots, with brightly painted lines, and ample rows where 2 cars can fit and pass with ease. Streets, stores, restaurants, schools, I can go on and on. In my neighborhood, 15 miles out of the city center I still struggle to find parking relatively close (within 3 blocks) of my destination, and in my neighborhood. Thankfully we have a garage – otherwise – eek! No issues with parking in rural towns.

5.  Fresh Air. The air IS different in non-urban areas. There is no je no se qua? Smell, stench, odor, or other “description” of the air – other than AHHHH! Fresh.

6.  Nature….Animals really do exist beyond birds and rats! IN the surrounding suburbs you can find forest preserves, nature centers and other refuges, away from the concrete jungle and miniature yard dwellings we call city life. We always see horse farms, cows grazing, sheep, lamas and alpacas. It’s truly Mother Nature right at our fingertips. The other benefit of Northwest Indiana is the Dunes. “Dune land” as it’s is lovingly called has the natural sand dunes, beaches and hilly areas. GREAT for days the beach, picnics, and living with nature as a pastime. There are regular (but not daily) children’s activities.

7.  Cleanliness. There is no need for street sweeping here. The roads are nearly litter free. No cigarette boxes (but a few butts here n there). Less grime, goo, gunk, and yuck. Needless to say those darn NO PARKING signs hung to our neighborhood poles and trees limiting street parking for 3 days due to impending street cleaning are gone too!

8.  Courtesy! Ah, Courtesy, a concept of an era gone by….event tough I am militant about my children being courteous and learning there manors, unfortunately we have plenty of examples around town where people are not courteous, there downright rude! Obnoxious! Ignorant! And let’s not forget potty mouth truck drivers cursing everywhere!  (This lack of courtesy and bad behavior from us city folk could be a plus for living in the city: if I always wanted to teach my kids WHAT NOT TO DO!) When we are in Indiana everyone, mostly, is SOOOOOO ridiculously polite. They don’t speed talk, there overall pretty calm, and relaxed. It’s pretty cool to experience.

9.  Schools – we have school aged children, so clearly there needs to be a good school. In the suburbs you can definitely find some great schools (but the property taxes may kill you, as well as the house price – depending on where you may look of course). Luckily in the NW Indiana area there is a magnet school opening up. That is a tremendously wonderful benefit considering all the factors above. Additionally there’s such overcrowding in our school system. Issues from the nation are simply AMPLIFIED in an urban environment. In the particular suburbs we looked at the ONE or TWO schools we pretty good. 

10.It’s quiet! It’s oh so quiet. No sirens, no slamming, screaming, neighbors, bumps, thumps and in general it’s just, peaceful.

11.Safety: I am a scaredy cat of a mom, always worried about everything and anything that can happen to my kids. We have a great yard here in the city, where we play and the kids are safe. But in a rural area there play space could be so much larger. It’s relatively more safe…but I think that’s almost a false sense of security. Accidents and child related dangers are everywhere in the U.S.!

So I guess I’m moving along into the Opposite of this Benefits List,

Positive Reasons to live in the City, Our Urban Oasis, and the negatives of rural life…

1.       Culturally speaking, I am gonna start here with the BIG ISSUE – we are a culturally diverse family, and even if we weren’t I want my children to be exposed to other cultures. We don’t even have to walk a block to meet someone from another culture. My children know who their neighbors are, where they come from in this great world, and know about other languages and foods. Culture is EVERYWHERE in our urban oasis. Signs are in many languages, and we can drive through “pockets” of neighborhoods to shop, walk, and visit cultural sites right here at home. There is more culture in a one block radius of my city then in the rural area.

2.       You DON’T have to drive everywhere – We are a walking family, and in the city it’s great to be able to walk to our grocery store, our park, our bakery, our deli, even the fast food joint for an occasional treat. It’s all right here – walking distance. So for OUR family the parking issue is usually few and far between. There is the unspoken benefit of the rich sights and sounds (and smells) everywhere – and at all times of the day and night. And our kids get lots of practice on looking both ways before they cross the street, street signals, cross walks (and jay-walking laws).

3.       Public Transportation! With the added sprawl of where to go it is so easy to park at the train station or bus depot and take a ride downtown – with the other urban dwellers. AND the train ride IS NOT OVER AND HOUR LONG. It’s a manageable trip with youngsters. The sights and views out the windows are a nice treat – and of course plenty to talk about.

4.       Foreign language looks – in our home we speak three languages, and we embrace our cultures. When we visit the suburbs and NW Indiana we experience “the stare-smile.” This non-offensive look is more of a glance that becomes a stare. After I say something in my native tongue to my kids, first the people around us get silent. DEAFINING SILENCE. Then – if I say something else (which I do…) I get the look. This puzzled what did she say glance (which as soon as the person realizes there staring) is accompanied by the quick ear to ear grin and quick fake smile. Remember in the rural area people are polite. And it’s not polite to stare – so they “stare smile.” While humorous to me, I think on an everyday basis I would be frustrated. And I don’t want my kids to be embarrassed of their multi language abilities. And in school I wouldn’t want them to have to “handle” this issue when they will have enough kid-baggage to deal with.

5.       What to do today? The sheer volume and variety of things to do…while the rural areas have nature at your finger tips – cause your living IN IT, in the city you have a WIDE variety of things to go, do, explore, etc. etc. etc. There isn’t ONE museum – there are 10, and there’s 20 forest preserves in our immediate area, there’s visiting downtown, endless restaurants (open long into the day and night). This variety has become our spice of life. We have 4 libraries each offering a unique variety of services and programs FOR FREE! (Well tax dollars do something around here.) The surrounding suburbs are easily visited for their fests and activities. It’s nice deciding how far we want to drive because so much is so close to home.

6.       Not a superfreak! Lacking “experience” – I was debating about putting this bullet in – but it does matter to us. For my kids – I like to slow pace of a rural environment, but not the boredom that may come with it for kids. And some people in rural areas do travel and have a vast variety of world experience, but I would argue you won’t find as many of these “world experience” people as you do in the city. I want my kids to meet people regularly form different places in the world because it will make them well rounded people, and arguably at this impressionable age they will learn a sensitivity to other cultures (as guided by mom and dad). As opposed to say the “stare – Smile” (See above, number 4. Foreign Language Looks).

7.       That SMELL in the air. We live near a bakery, driving home on the expressway at the state line is the distinct smell of chocolate. As a child returning from road trips, that smell was my little indicator that we were nearly home. And now it’s the same for my kids.

8.       Fear of the City – I have a cousin who recently moved to the city form the suburbs. She told me it was a scary experience for her. Going “into the city” was considered unsafe for a woman (yeah, ridiculous I know). She was literally afraid to walk on the block without her boyfriend for the first few weeks. Literally there was a fear of the city. Simply from lack of experience. Obviously if we lived in a rural area we would visit the city often (for activities and for the restaurants) but growing up in the city and visiting are two different things. I also want my kids to have street smarts. I want them to grow up with the caution that you learn being a city kid, about where to sit on a crowded bus, when to cross the busy street safely, and how to handle themselves with strangers. Yes these things apply in rural areas but far more infrequently. By the Way – my cousin rages about being able to walk everywhere for her groceries and daily needs too…

9.       School Variety – while there is overcrowding and other issues in the urban area, if you can afford it there is substantial variety and alternatives to. The nationwide charter school movement is going to make a positive impact on changing the school system. Private schools have tremendous value and educational programming. Yes some are at an added cost, which thankfully we can afford. But I would like to say that even going to the best school – as parents we still need to supplement our childs education at home. Children will not learn everything they need to know in the classroom. Right not there is a push for literacy in education. All my sons does is read and write all day. Math and science earn limited attention in early education. So at home we supplement with multilingual learning, science projects, art and crafts, etc. So weather rural or city we would supplement education at home. But I cannot supplement the eight hours of learning my kids should do at school. So a good core curriculum is critical for us, the rest we will cover at home.

a.       Another thing about schools is the students. Children learn so much form each other. And to my earlier point about culture and world experience. I want my son associating with kids who are from different cultures, who take vacations to other places in the U.S. and around the world. And most important I don’t want them to be ostracized for speaking/learning other languages. If we get the polite “smile-stare” at the store, what will the school kids do….not be so polite I am sure.

I think living in a rural area would be great Monday thru Friday. Peace, quiet, and the calmness of life without the traffic jams and congestion. We would have a reverse commute on the weekends to go IN TO the city to enjoy the AMPLE VARIETY of museums, fairs and fests, cultural food festivals, concerts and theatres….and fighting traffic just like the rest of the world Saturday and Sunday. Yes we can leave EXTRA early and stay extra late to beat the traffic….just like I negotiate my time all the time. Or family and friends would come to visit us on weekends, go to the country Labor Day weekend ….  But we sure would miss them the rest of the year.

My Son Plays Rough, How to Distinguish Violent Versus Rough Play

My husband is a pretty mellow guy. He never play fought or wrestled with our first son. He would play board games and read books to him, or walk him in the neighborhood. So as my baby became a toddler I noticed he was getting a little feisty with dad, and starting to hit or tug at him. My husband discouraged such behaviors, and so did I. I didn't want my son being "violent."

Around three years old I started to notice that my son would "reenact" with his stuffed animals books we had read, or something we had experienced that day. He was role playing with his toys what "mom said" and what "he said" in our conversations. Even expressing feelings and inner thoughts during the play that he had not expressed to me. He would tell his pet lion "no you can't have any candy until after lunch." My son would then say: "oh lion, don't be sad." And I realized this is how children learn, by replaying scenarios in their head, over and over, making connections between this situation and that. Mock play helps them filter their emotions and learn how to cope with those feelings.

And sometimes role play turns rough. And now that my son is older, there is sometimes "death" or "sword fighting" in his imaginary play. After a trip to the museum where Pirates were on display we had an extensive discussion about how pirates would sail on the sea in big ships, and they would attack other ships to steal their goods and treasures. Throughout that week all I heard about was pirates, attacking other ships and finding treasure.

But there is something significant missing in his "mock play" - there is no blood, no spilled brains, no gruesome acts, there isn't an over indulgence in death or dying. That's because the "rough play" is imaginary and is not based in reality. He doesn't watch violent video games, bloody or gory scenes in movies, so his concept of rough play is actually pretty mild.

If you are reading this post, please post a comment below on what you liked - or didn't  - about this read. Does the topic interest you and you want to know more? Submit a question and I am happy to tackle it.


As parents we need to distinguish "Fantasy Violence" and "Real Life Violence."  Fantasy violence is when my son says "I'm gonna kill you alligator" and then pounces on the alligator. He usually DOESN'T describe the blood and the gruesome scenes. However if a boy is watching "Real Life Violence" on TV or in video games, where he sees shooting, spilling blood, murder, then he will internalize that violent behavior and then act it out. So instead of jumping on the alligator to kill it, instead he would enact shooting and describe the spilled blood.

For example: as we read a classic tale of "Ali Baba and the forty thieves," in this version, Ali Babas brother is killed by the 40 thieves, and my son has no concept of what "being killed" is. So I explain it in mommy terms, "the brother went to a dangerous place, the thieves cave. And the brother tried stealing from the thieves which made them very angry. Thieves are bad people because they steal from other people and commit crimes. And when they saw the brother the thieves were mean to him too, and killed him because the brother tried stealing from them." But my son also knew that at the end of the book the thieves were punished for their behavior, and he includes "banishment" as he reenacts this lesson in during mock play.

Clearly in this story there is "violence" - murder of Ali Baba's brother, thieves who steal, and at the end of the book the thieves try to attack Ali Baba. But when my son re-enacted this book, he "talked" about the violence, but he didn't talk about blood, cutting off heads, or other gruesome acts that might be seen on a TV version of this story.

Steps for success:
- Don't let young boys watch violence on tv and video games.

- Limit tube time to less then an hour per day. And if you need non-TV time ideas, read my blog about what should my kids be doing if their not watching TV??- Distinguish between reenactments of "fantasy violence" and "real violence." Fantasy violence is "Ali baba and the forty thieves," "king arthurs knights of the round table," "cops and robbers" or pirates. Real life scenarios include too many descriptions of blood and gore, cutting off of body parts or excess pain and suffering.

You know your child and you can identify what he has learned when he is reenacting. You can observe you childs "play" and use that time to explain what his play signifies, explain acceptable violence, and most importantly how to help him understand it and label his emotions.

Make Mistakes, breathe, reflect and Laugh.Out.Loud